Boyfriend scared because of previous relationship.

**1silinde** · 09-17-2011 10:34 AM

I have not thought about leaving to move on. I stick with him because I love him. I know he cares for me and appreciates me and sees the value of our relationship. He is simply afraid to open himself up to the loss that comes with love again.
While I understand the point that others have tried to make about waiting and showing my love with actions, it is very difficult to hold to that. Life if short, and I've lost many loved ones, some old, some young. It is simply not worth it to not tell someone you love them because of fear. I gave this a lot of thought last night, actually. I am not a believer in god. I am an agnostic with atheistic leanings. But that does not mean that I don't believe in the beauty and singularity of humanity. We are special. We are dust motes floating through space. Insignificant, tiny, and not even a blip in the history of the Universe. I believe we are accidents, with no intended purpose to our own existence. All the more reason to create and embrace our own meaning. For me, the most unique attribute of our race is our capacity to love. To willingly sacrifice for the sake of love of one's partner, children, family, neighbors, and friends. I see so much beauty in this. And I think that everyone, regardless of religion or the lack thereof, can appreciate the fact that we have the capability to love.
So my religion is Love. I believe in it wholly. And if I deny the recognition of that, it is worse than death. Death is nothingness. Failing to acknowledge my love for someone, to them directly, is a sin against my own personal religion and fills me up with the opposite of what I believe in.
As I said, I have lost many loved ones. I did not muster the courage to tell each of them how much I cared for them before we were forever separated. I am of the opinion that there are no second chances. No life after this one. What's done is done whe someone dies. So for me, risking an awkward silence between myself and someone that I truly love for the sake of telling them that I love them is worth it. Because you never know what tomorrow may bring and our lives are very fragile and can be taken without discrimination in a single brief moment.

And I am done waxing philosophical.

**Hopeless Dork** · 09-17-2011 11:49 AM

I, too, know what it feels like to be in love with someone and not have said the words (yet). How they well up inside of you in certain situations that you just ache to free yourself of them. But in your situation... where you are teetering in on unsure of how ready he is to re-love after his last heartache it would be in YOUR best interest to NOT say it first. You will always have to wonder when and if he does return the gesture, if he is doing it simply to be polite, or if he too... truly couldn't help but say what was bursting in his heart.

Feel it, show it, but I'd hold off on saying it. Let him tear down that wall and express it to you first. I am an insecure (bordering on emotionally needy gf lol) and I knew I loved and wanted to say I loved my boyfriend months before he said the words to me, but I waited. It was torture at times to hold that secret inside. I also believe in speaking my mind, not playing games and keeping it real -- if something bothers me i say it... and we always work through it. But with those 3 words, I knew it was too big and too important to have it become a gesture that he is 'compelled' to say to keep me from being hurt. So I just moved on , being in love, showing my love and one day.. he said it. He kissed me and he said it outloud and whenever I'm down or insecure i can fall back on those words... on how he gave them (gives them) to me without any coersion.. just freely, because he felt them.

I wouldn't have done anythign differently. And truth is... I didn't need to say it, he knew it, he knew it as surely as I felt it... and I'm sure your boyfriend knows you love him the same way. So let him be the one to express it, in his own time, and I bet you when you return it to him.. he can tell you he's known all along that you do.

**jns** · 10-24-2011 10:18 PM

1silinde, you know your bf is damaged because of a previous relationship. Don't pressure him too much. He should eventually come around. Just tell him you love him and make it possible for him to open up in the future. Don't expect him to say what you want him to say on your timetable. His actions will tell about his feelings.