Getting over your first relationship

**canadien** · 09-21-2011 02:47 PM

I’m 21 and sorry in advance for my long post. I was in a long distance relationship for 1.5 years. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, essentially my first everything and I was his first serious relationship. Our relationship is beyond the regular criteria as “normal”. We had many ups and downs but we stuck by each other regardless. We lived a 4hr drive away from each other throughout the school year but during the summer it is a 3hr plane ride as I am from a different province. We were first good friends at university but started dating after he flunked out. As a rule we would always try to see each other once a month if possible but I was always the one making the trips. In some instances, I would fly out to see him in the summer. We broke up mutually at the beginning of the summer because our distance was becoming unbearable and since I have graduated, I went back home where we were even further apart. Although mutual, I initiated it not just because of those things but I was getting fed up with his lack of ambition and being second tier to his bad influencing friends and constant boozing.

We broke up in May, and I’m still so stuck. He texted me in July telling me I was the love of his life, he missed me and that I was too good for him. I just kept reassuring him to stop missing me and that I will continue being his friend. But lately all I think about is him (I know I'm a hypocrite). This month I moved back to the province he resides in to try to find a job in my field of work as there is more opportunity here.

Last week I texted him to see how he was doing and that we should meet up when I go to my job interview which is held in the city he's in. I was so excited, I had a new dress and shoes picked out for this occasion. But yesterday I found out he got a new girlfriend through facebook. I feel like we broke up all over again, but this time I was getting dumped. The worst thing is that she is the complete opposite of me: she’s edgy, a party animal with huge boobs whereas I’m an intelligent, sweet, reserved girl focused on getting a job post graduation.

I know subconsciously I’m trying to get together with him but consciously I know we are totally wrong for each other. I have never been completely over him and I still love and care for him. But I NEED TO GET OVER HIM. The fact that he has a new girlfriend just devastates me, secretly I wanted him back since we are closer in location but I guess he doesn’t want me back.... It's been four months and he's already over me.... Is there any advice you can give a newbie like me dealing with getting over a guy and his new girlfriend, anything would be awesome. Thank you for hearing me out

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-21-2011 02:59 PM

Hon, remember your initial thoughts, party, drinking, drop out, you were the only one that went to him, because he wouldn't part with little money he had, to save to come to you.

He missed you because he missed, "someone", and you miss him because you miss being with "someone".

Like you've stated, he is now with a party animal, who probably also has no ambitions in life..

You however, have plenty, you have dreams, goals, ambitions and the right morals...

So, honestly, he did you a favor, now you are free for the next part of your journey, finding a like minded guy that will be close by and treat you right who also has goals, dreams, desire and ambitions.

You always remember your first, and you realise once you meet someone else, who treats you right, respects you and is on the same wave length as you, that your first wasn't all that you cracked it up to be...Romance is a wonderful thing, our hearts get involved, the beauty is, is that romance doesn't die, it continues throughout our lifetime.

Smile in the knowing that you have experienced a form of love and that the next one will be so much better and you will see him all the time, date, dinners, movies, laughter, happiness, love and still be able to follow your dreams

**canadien** · 09-22-2011 10:44 AM

Thank you so much for your encouraging and insightful advice CW. It makes me feel so much better knowing that in the end of the road, someone better will come along for me and that firsts aren't that great. The process getting there however is difficult. I just don't know how not to think about him, it's driving me up the wall. Whenever I think about him, I just try to deter my mind to negatives thoughts about him. Then I get angry on how he was such a jerk, but after that I get sad and upset because he someone else's now. Errrrrgh what the heck is wrong is wrong with me??!!! We were the most lopsided couple ever. He was a drop-out, wannabe douche, alcoholic, gamer, no ambitions, occasional druggie, poor and I am good hearted, sweet, no drugs, funny, tom boy (I love sports), and educated. He even told me I was too good for him and that he didn't settle. All these traits and I still overlook them oy....

For some reason, I've always ask a lot of questions (even when I was a child), but I feel like there are so many unanswered questions in this relationship that it makes it hard for me to let it pass. Like the fact that he only took four months to get over me and that he found someone new and more fun...

My friends say I shouldn't even care about what he does on his free time anymore and that I have to let him go. Being down in the dumps sucks right now but I know I'll get over it. Every time I feel remorse in this relationship, I'll just reflect on your post

Thanks for listening!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-22-2011 03:11 PM

Smile in the knowing that you have experienced a form of love and that the next one will be so much better and you will see him all the time, date, dinners, movies, laughter, happiness, love and still be able to follow your dreams

Write this in big letters and place it on your bedroom door or somewhere where you will constantly see it, then each time as your mind reads and re-reads and acknowledges it will come to your mind automatically and I bet, you will smile

**jns** · 09-26-2011 01:46 PM

He was not the one for you. If he wanted to, he could have got a low end job near you just to be with you. But he didn't and he let the distance in between and his friends widen the gap between you and him. In other words, he wasn't really up to fighting for the relationship.

Somewhere out there is the right guy for you. Go out and find him.