Thread: What would women think of a deaf man?

It's hard to interact with someone when there's a communication barrier. I took 3 years of sign language in high school, but forgot most of it over time. Even if you "speak" the same language, that doesn't mean you go running up to a stranger assuming they'll want to interact. I can see how your situation would be hard. The only times I used sign language was when I was working and took care of a deaf costumer. I would get really nervous that they would sign too fast and think I was stupid because I didn't catch it. I don't know if the girls you've met with were the same way, but it's something to think about. Some people are good at just going up to a stranger and striking up a conversation. Others, like me, are better with getting to know people over time. If there's not a situation where I would regularly interact with the same person, I would have no way of getting to know them better. Meeting up one on one with someone I didn't know very well would be a little awkward for me. It seems like you would be better off going out with a small group, maybe two or three other people. It would feel pretty lousy to be closed out like that though.

What kind of work do you do? Do you interact with coworkers? It seems like things would just keep escalating and get worse if you didn't find a better way to socialize. What sports do you play? Is it a team sport? I guess mainly I'm just wondering if you're having trouble with all forms of relationships, or just with dating.

Yes I described my experience with dating site already. It help me talk with girls... But usually they stop talk to me shortly after I told them I'm deaf, decide to not meet, or just flaked. I still have profile on a few, but... I dont really browse much but I do go on it from time to time.

Crystal, it's funny you mentioned about difficult of communicating even with those of same language. I went to Europe twice (by myself both time) and in most places... I have absolutely no problem with interacting with people, they seems much more open and understanding. I have even gone out with more girls in span of just few weeks than I do whole year in this country.

As for my job, I'm a aircraft mechanic supervisor. I do interact with coworkers, but I try to keep my distance at same time. I'm afraid to show them my "human" side I guess... I feel like I have to pretty much prove everyone I'm better at everything and work much harder than everyone else otherwise I'd paint a huge target on myself.
So yeah I don't let them see me looking tired, hurt, upset, or anything. I don't even show them I can have fun or anything. It is better if I just don't socialize with them and keep strict border clear.
I know I sound like a mean supervisor, but I actually try to treat everyone well and keep them happy so they'd continue to work well. I just simply try to stay distant and not let them assume that I'm their friend but at the same time I try to let them know that I'm willing to take care of them if they take care of me.

I used to hang out with teammates frequently. That's when I usually get "lucky" because they'd just find a girl for me. I never know what they tell her because I use to try to get them to stop showing me off to others. So they just learn to not tell me what they are telling the girl and then introduce the girl to me.
It was fun... But I'm pass that phrase and have been for a while. I just want someone I can wake up to in middle of night and see someone I love laying by me and wrap her up in blanket and pull her close and hold her to let her know how much I love her.

I used to wrestle in high school and jr college which is probably where I get "dog eat dog" world mentality among men from because there would be like 3 or 4 other in same weight class with few more possibly coming down to the weight class or even to that weight class. So I was always forced to look at everybody as a competitor because I know that every time there's a meeting coming up, we'd have to wrestle eachother to determine who get to wrestle at the meeting. And it is those who prove to be the best among the team that get to wrestle at meeting while rest just do tournament thing.
After that, I ventured into mixed martial arts and kickboxing. My last team was great but... it eventually fell apart over time before I moved here.

Random question, can you read lips? I know some deaf people learn how to. And I bet if you can, that it makes communicating a little easier.

So what kinds of stuff do you do now to socialize? It seems like everything you've described would keep people at arms length. Work isn't the best place to meet people anyway, but it's somewhere to start. You live alone, keep it all business at work, see your teammates as competition. Do you have friends you can just hang back with and "let your hair down with"? Isolation seems like the key problem with loss of humanity. Not only that, but since you want that connection with people and keep getting closed out or flaked out on, there's more resentment against people in general. That feeling would make it easy to turn your back on people when they need help, like what you described. Talking to people online can be fun. You can meet people of all kinds from all corners of the world, but you can't cuddle up with a computer. It's not the same as making a connection with a person. Sometimes it can feel like you do, but I think a lot of the time, your mind just turns them into what you want them to be. Don't focus so much on meeting a woman and hitting it off. Work on avoiding the same old antisocial behaviors. Try to develop friendships where you are just you, people you can drop your guard with and just have fun.

No I cannot read lips that well at all. I can may understand a word or two if I have knew the person for a while but not like I can just stand and watch them tell me a full sentence and understanding anything.

Now... I just go to coffee shop or book store and relax there. That's about as close as I get to socialize now that I no longer train and am in new area. Everything else... I do by myself and I do keep myself as busy as possible with my actives and hobbies.
My last team, I was with them for 4 years and I don't look at others as a competition, but before that yeah... I look at everyone as a competition because of the way the team was run. Last team... They only let in people with tons of experience, so they wouldn't have more than two person in same weight class. That is what really help me with socializing and let my hair down. Plus lot of guys on the team also were very understanding of where I was coming from and help me. But I'm not with them any more because I moved.
But as for other males in general... I consider them a competition no matter what.

yes I live lone now. I keep it all business at work because I know the moment anyone see weakness in me, they'd try to replace me. It is amazing how many people think I'm someone who will just crumbles under slightest stress when in fact I have uncanny ability to keep my cool under some of the most stressful situation when others are losing it. Plus if I'm not careful, I could very easily become a huge politic issue. So I don't want to stand out or be too close to anyone at work. I just want to be someone they don't want to goof up with and cannot afford to lost.

Yeah I think biggest difficult for me is, for a long time I was heavily reliant on my teammates for many part of my social life. Those guys were always around for me and now... I have to do everything myself and I don't really know many people here, so now I am just facing a uphill battle.

Yeah I get what you mean by meeting people on line. It is very tough world.
How do I even meet a woman and develope friendship without looking like I'm trying to hitting it off? I mean a single man approaching a woman quickly give the idea that they are looking for something more.

That would be a difficult situation. I see what you mean. In my mind, I was thinking you could go out with a friend and have them bring a friend along, but it's different if you don't know anyone in a new area. That's a tough one. The first thing that comes to mind is maybe joining a book club, but I don't even know how book clubs get going. If they're put together by people who already know each other, that wouldn't be helpful. What about taking a class just for fun to meet people? Or joining a volunteer group?