Your boyfriend looking at other girls

**Magnetism** · 10-02-2011 09:04 PM

Is it a sign of disrespect or something not to care about? I just broke up with someone, and a lot of behaviors that I didn't look at are coming up in my head. When my ex-boyfriend and I would go out, I noticed his eyes wander when we would talk and he would say stuff like "That girl has no boobs."

He would tell me, "You look at girls too. You notice girls before I do!." It's true that I will check out pretty girls, but I don't feel it's excessive. We all notice an attractive person, but not to the point where we have to comment on their body parts to our partner. I certainly don't ramble on how I want to give a hot guy a blowjob to my partner. I don't mind if my partner looks at a pretty girl, but ogling on a regular basis become uncomfortable.

I had discussed with my ex, and he said "When did you start to be so insecure?". I don't think it's insecurity, but respecting your partner. What's ironic is that he doesn't like it when I look at porn, so the same could apply to him.

I want to know what's normal and what's disrespectful in a relationship. Am I really supposed to just put up with a man that says he loves me ogling at other women and saying "She has nice boobs, but that girl doesn't." I do have a pattern of dating inappropriate men that get offended when you call them out on their behavior.

**Magnetism** · 10-02-2011 09:17 PM

You know what, I don't know how to edit this...Maybe I'm blowing things out of proportion, and he only looked at girls here and there. It wasn't constant. Just nevermind.

**baja** · 10-02-2011 09:24 PM

It is not unusual for guys to look, but I would say it is rather class-less that he would also comment in such a way that would rivet your attention. The ultimate analogy would be if you were to make comments on the bodies and/or body parts of other men. No doubt he would begin feeling insecure or outright threatened if you remarked on how small their muscles, chest and unit seemed to be. My advice is to put this guy in your rear view mirror and look for the guys who know how to treat a lady. How do you spot them? Easy... they make you and your happiness their complete focus.

**Magnetism** · 10-02-2011 09:29 PM

I'm not with this guy anymore, but I want to learn what to look out for in the next relationship.

I will be honest. I loved the guy I was dating, but I had fantasies every now and then of certain celebrities. There's NO WAY IN that I would ever tell my partner this. It would be hurtful to him to one day just say "Oh by the way, I would like to do this position with (insert name here)." My point is it's okay to look and allow yourself to have that attraction, but there's no need to make it blatantly obvious.

I had told him nicely to not to outright criticize girls' bodies, as it was a trigger for me given my own body image history.

**jns** · 10-02-2011 09:31 PM

Excellent post, baja. Guys in general will notice women and assign values. They should keep from talking about them. Especially if the SO wants to know what they thought because no good will come from it. And smart guys are very discrete about noticing other women.

**DSemcho** · 10-03-2011 01:08 AM

My husband looks when they are in his direct line of sight, but he doesn't turn his head to look at them. He knows how I feel about it, and as long as he doesn't turn his head, or strain his eyes to see them, I don't mind.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-03-2011 07:24 AM

Looking is fine. Noticing is fine. Gawking and staring is not.

If you do not consider yourself an insecure or jealous person, then the rule of thumb should be this: If it's to the point of making you feel uncomfortable, it's too much.

**Magnetism** · 10-03-2011 08:20 AM

What's ironic is that he complained about his ex being insecure and accusing him of staring at other girls. When we started dating, he told me, "That's why I like you so much. You notice pretty girls before I do." Sure, if a pretty girl walks by, I have said "She's pretty." I'm starting to wonder if he thinks it's okay to cross the line.

Now that I think back, perhaps his ex was also setting a boundary and he didn't like it. Looks I'm going to be the next insecure and jealous ex that he will complain about on future dates.

**Seeker_Advice** · 10-03-2011 08:21 AM

Combine Baja's post with BD's post, sprinkle on a little wisdom from jns and you have all that you need.

**Magnetism** · 10-03-2011 08:31 AM

What's ironic is that he complained about his ex being insecure and accusing him of staring at other girls. When we started dating, he told me, "That's why I like you so much. You notice pretty girls before I do." Sure, if a pretty girl walks by, I have said "She's pretty." I'm starting to wonder if he thinks it's okay to cross the line.

Now that I think back, perhaps his ex was also setting a boundary and he didn't like it. Looks I'm going to be the next insecure and jealous ex that he will complain about on future dates.