Thread: Guy looking for some advice....

I feel your feelings are completely justified. I would feel the same way as you. In a relationship, you need to take in your partners feelings and compromise. If she knows you don't feel comfortable, she should find ways of making it less bothersome to you, like perhaps, taking you with her when she visits her friend. That would be a great opportunity for you and her friend to get to know each other. Guys and girls can be friends with each other, even if they are in relationships, but there has to be a line there and I feel it is important that the friend meet their significant others, especially before you spend a weekend alone with them, when you know your partner feels uncomfortable about it.

For example, my fiance's best friend is a girl. They hang out alone but he introduced me to her and I hung out with her a few times and now feel completely fine with it. I know what type of person she is, and I know that their friendship is completely just friends, therefore I do not feel the discomfort that you feel. I just think there is too much mystery between her and her friend. She needs to introduce you two. It would make all situations better, in my opinion.

Thank you for the response. She is worried that cancelling the trip will hurt his feelings, and therefore hurt their friendship. Is it a safe assumption to think that if she chooses to go without me, that she is choosing his feelings over mine, and therefore a reason for me to take a serious look at the future of this relationship? Or should I trust her and show that I am willing to make a sacrifice for her peace of mind?

Who says that it can only be those two? Why aren't you allowed? Just curious.

It's this weekend. We're not in the position to purchase an extra last minute plane ticket. That and it's the principle of the matter. I don't feel I should have to request to tag along and play third-wheel. She knows how I feel about it.

I don't feel like she needs to basically run and hide behind you whenever another man expressed unwanted feelings to her ... but I also don't think that her spending a whole weekend at another man's house, going out on what sounds like "dates" the whole time is okay either, especially if you can't stand the idea of it.

Though I wouldn't find fault in going out to dinner with a friend while he's in town or even going for drinks in a pinch, she will necessarily be going home with him to his place afterwards. Awkward much? I find it reasonable that you wouldn't want that scenario playing out, no matter how much trust you want to put in her. PS, it takes two to tango - if he makes a move and she "gives in," it's not his fault for initiating!

Can she stay anywhere else? Not necessarily a hotel, but perhaps at another friend's home? You haven't said that you can't go along, so is that a possibility? That would obviously make it MUCH less awkward and uncomfortable. You should probably gauge both his and her response to that suggestion - if she hesitates, why? Is it because she's aware of his ulterior motives?

If she waves away all of your concerns and goes alone and stays with him, it would not be unreasonable to deduce she is valuing her friend's feelings over yours. Six months is still relatively early in a relationship, as far as shifting her preference to you over friends, but you'll want to mentally file this situation under the "When People Show You Who They Are, Believe Them" category for any future decision you make about your girlfriend.

I agree with Little. See what her reaction is when you bring up alternative places for her to stay, etc. If she refuses to any, maybe she values that friendship over your relationship.

Durr, obviously I took too long to reply and you aren't in a position to go. Please consider my response with the outdated info removed