Boyfriend problems. It's long, but I'd very much so appreciate any advice. Thanks!

**liz-e** · 10-16-2011 05:48 PM

Today, I was on my boyfriend's laptop. I aimed to hit ctrl-D to favorite a page, but instead hit ctrl-F and brought up his history. Like anybody would in this situation, I snooped, but without the intention of finding anything bad or risque.. just looking.

On page one of his history, I saw where he'd been going through somebody's Facebook profile pictures -- every single one. I clicked on that link to see who it was, and it was some girl that neither of us know. Of course, my initial thought was something to the extent of 'what the ?' so I went to page two. It turned out that he seemingly regularly finds girls on Facebook and looks at all of their pictures, and had some activity that I couldn't see with a girl who he's recently had to buddy up with in his Spanish class.

Anyway, a few more pages over, I saw that he'd been on Photobucket and gone through a TON of pictures, including those of a bunch of almost-naked girls or girls whose cleavage was clogging the camera. My heart dropped. I'm not perfect by any means -- I'm 5'3'' on a good day, am on birth control which has caused me to gain 30 pounds (I began BC at 120 and am now at 150, sadly), and I don't wear a lot of makeup. We've been together for about a year and he regularly tells me how pretty I am and things like that, but it's hard for me to believe that anyway because I've got a scarred up nasal region and a crooked nose caused by an accident two years ago.

We used to talk about not being able to wait to get our own place together after this year, about getting married eventually, and other lovey-dovey things. I don't know if the novelty's worn off, but now he is very hesitant -- he talks about wanting to wait for all that now, and gets squirmy when it comes up. But anyway, back to my original point: he came over to me a little bit in the middle of my continued snoop and asked if I'd been on his history. I told him yes, and he claimed that he clicks on Photobucket's recent images and looks at funny things and will sometimes go to the image owner's profile. That's a lie, though, because his history showed where he'd clicked on the pictures of all these girls, and none of the images were 'funnies'.

I don't know what to do in this situation. Do I bring it up with him? Do I let it go? I'm thankful for anything you have to throw at me.

**Crystalblue** · 10-16-2011 06:48 PM

I would think the best thing you could do in your situation, is just be honest and ask him to just listen. Tell him you went through the history and what you saw. Tell him how it made you feel, and see how he handles it from there. Wrong or right, he's not want to admit what he did since he expects it will hurt your feelings.

There's a few different ways he could handle it from there after finding out how you're feeling, the best scenario being that he respects how you feel and stops. If you read other related threads, you'll see there's a common reaction to get defensive, deny it, and/or turn it around on the SO and take the heat off themselves.

How he handles his part in this would tell you a lot about how committed to you he is. Dealing with problems in a relationship is a two person job, though. It takes a lot of patients and understanding, with the added problem of avoiding being taken for granted and disrespected. It's tough work sometimes. I hope everything works out for you.

**liz-e** · 10-16-2011 08:24 PM

Usually when I'm upset about things, he finds it 'silly' that I'm upset. Nothing like this has happened in our relationship before, so it's totally new to me. Usually if it can't be done in person, it turns out terribly. He'll know something's up tomorrow when I see him, but we won't be able to be alone until later in the afternoon, and I don't like discussing that stuff in public.

I'm terrible at hiding my negative feelings, so I am definitely going to have to talk to him about it. He's been acting kind of strangely tonight, and I think he knows that I know something.

Anyway, thank you a ton. I'll keep what you've told me in mind when I go to talk to him about it.