scared....HELP.

**littlekitkat** · 11-08-2011 06:49 AM

I'm a woman in my late 20's. Because of cognitive delays, cerebral palsy, surgeries scoliosis, illness and spending most of my teens in doctors offices and hospitals, it's taken me a lot longer to hit dating milestones and other milestones in general. After a few failed attempts at the dating game, I went back to what I was used to, which was being on my own.

A couple of weeks ago, a sweet guy approached me at my new job. After a nice conversation, he asked me if I had CP. It turns out, so does he. He just turned 30.

After several nice conversations at work, I gave him my number. Last night, he called me after my shift. We had a lot in common in terms of medical issues, (it was nice to have someone to share that with honestly) and had similar upbringings. We talked about everything from our favorite things, to deeper stuff, and I honestly think I really like this guy. I was so happy when he asked if I wanted to go out for coffee, I couldn't wait to see him when I went to work, was giddy when he called me after work and didn't get off the phone for hours.

Now here's the kicker:
He's been married before. He has two young children. They got married really young and grew apart. He was very upfront about that and I appreciated him being honest. He said he and his ex are on good terms, no fighting or anything like that, which is good.

But how on Earth do I enter into my first relationship ever with a man who's already had more life experience AND has two kids? I told him I haven't really dated much and he seems okay with that, he told me he wants me to feel comfortable and anything I'm not ready for to let him know. Half of me wants to take things slow, and the other half wants to run for the hills.

Advice?

**KMonte85** · 11-08-2011 07:23 AM

You've found a sweet man with whom you share similar backgrounds and interests. He makes you giddy!

He's asking you to get to know each other, not to haul off and get married and be a mother to his children. I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself and it's scaring you into running away. My advice is don't let a good man get away because you're worried he's had more life experiences than you! Take some time to enjoy each other's company and get to know one another.

**stariana** · 11-08-2011 07:53 AM

one day at a time . . . . that is all you have. don't look back and regret what you missed out. appreciate who you are and what you can bring to his life. he might be thinking "how in the world would this sweet girl ever want anything to do with me - tied down with an ex and kids . . . " we all have fear, don't let it hold you back. you be you, let him be him, and see where it goes . . . one day at a time. ; )

**littlekitkat** · 11-08-2011 11:14 PM

Thanks to all for the advice. The date went well tonight, even with a few awkward moments. Honestly, I could tell he has feelings for me, or at least, he's attracted to me. He's very sweet, so I felt bad sometimes when I backed away from him a bit. (Sometimes he sat a little too close to me I thought) I'll admit it: I'm in pain when people touch me, or it feels like a shock, especially on my back. So he thought it was him when I backed away. I reassured him that it wasn't him entirely and explained but i was a little embarrassed. I wish I wasn't afraid though. I could tell he wanted to kiss me, but he could tell I wasn't quite ready for that yet, so he respected that. (cheek kiss instead) he wants to go out to dinner and I told him I'd love that, so I think he's just letting me take steps. We ended the date on a great, upbeat note, (laughed a lot) He called me when he left and we're making more plans on Thursday.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-09-2011 12:24 AM

That's fantastic, so happy for you.

You know fear is very natural and you don't have to tell him anything personal until you want to, which I'd suggest after you just enjoy the dating stage, enjoy yourself

He sounds like a great guy that is happy to take it as you wish, you two "clicked" simple as that

As for being married before, kids, he was young that's great, honestly, because he understands what constitutes a relationship, probably has learnt where it went wrong and he's still friends enough with her and therefore, it's a happy environment for the kids as well...

Just honestly enjoy yourself.

**littlekitkat** · 11-10-2011 08:51 AM

Second date went great too, (at least I think it did?) this time I felt more comfortable because we hung out at the mall then he took me out for lunch. I'm glad we got a chance to talk some more about our interests and just hang out in general. I'm lucky he's so patient, since I definitely know he's physically attracted to me and wants to act on it, but he refrains himself. Truth is though, I'm starting to become less afraid and want to be with him. I don't know how to act on it though, because I'm never really been with a guy. (hope this doesn't sound stupid)

I feel like I might be giving off some mixed signals and I feel bad about that.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-10-2011 01:57 PM

What mixed signals do you think you are giving off?

Body language is a good thing, the eyes tell alot, smile with them when you look directly at him at the end of the next date and let him kiss you goodbye

**dhambizao** · 11-10-2011 02:19 PM

If you're nervous then just take your time and don't stress, the guys being very patient with you which shows that he cares and that he's very much into you, so try losen up a bit and see where it goes

The whole thing about him having already been married and had kids is a bit scary, but the fact that he's experienced isn't necessarily a bad thing. He's going to be a man that knows what he's doing and he'll know how to gently ease you into the relationship