Feeling a bit hurt. (and very stupid)

**littlekitkat** · 11-16-2011 11:20 PM

So, I thought everything with this guy was going really well.

Turns out, I was kind of wrong. Okay, really wrong. Things took off in kind of a whirlwind after our first couple of dates. We spent a lot of time together. Talked for hours. He would always call me after work just to ask how my day was. A couple of nights ago, he asked if I wanted to meet his parents, so last night I did. His parents were really wonderful people, and they loved me. In fact, his mom flat out told me how well I was raised and how sweet I was. I met his friends. He told me he wanted to meet my family.

Later on that night, we were in the rec room watching a movie with his friends. His friends went home around 11:30. I'll admit it, one thing led to another and soon we were messing around on his couch. I put on the brakes as he undid my shirt. I told him I wasn't ready to have sex just yet. To clarify things, I asked him what this was, and where things were going.

His response?
He laughed. "Oh I'm nowhere near ready for a girlfriend. But thank you for keeping me company." I sat up, just sat on the couch in a daze. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I was hurt. It would be one thing if he said he just wanted to be friends or we were moving too fast or something. Or even if he changed his mind. I would totally understand that. but he never said that. He says one thing then does other things. He made it seem like things were moving forward and he was okay with it. (in fact, we flat out talked about it) He told me all of these sweet things, how beautiful I was. We had SUCH personal conversations. He perused me.

I was polite, but I told him I wanted to go home. Today, he's been calling and texting. He met me at my job. (just showed up out of no where with the excuse that he was buying wine, even though my job is about 20 miles from his house.) He told me he couldn't wait to be with me again.

I feel like a mess.

**lizzardb63** · 11-17-2011 10:46 AM

Sounds like he is playing games. I would flat out ask him exactly what his expectations are for this so called relationship you're having. Express to him that you ARE looking for a relationship. If he says he isn't then it's time to move on. You don't want to get attached anymore than you already are if this guy isn't going to take things seriously. It was extremely wrong of him to introduce you to his family if he has no intention of making you his girlfriend and leading you to believe he did. Be frank with him and if he says he doesn't want a relationship I'd start walking. If he does want a relationship, then that's great and I would be very happy for you. It just sounds like he is control and manipulating the situation.

**kygirl** · 11-17-2011 11:19 AM

I have to agree with Lizzard on this one. I mean, his actions and his words do not seem to be matching up. Maybe he realized he messed up and felt like he had to see you? Either way, you need to sit with him and have a serious conversation with him. You need to find out what he wants right now and if that's not enough for you then move no. Trust me on this one...You DO NOT under any circumstances want to keep dating a man because you think they may change. You have to go on waht you know now.

*hugs*

**lizzardb63** · 11-18-2011 11:51 AM

Claws- try to be a little sensitive here. She's hurt and just wants a little advice. Either way, all the things he did are things a guy would do who WANTS A RELATIONSHIP. Whether it's wrong or right, he shouldn't have done them if he didn't want it to go in that direction.

**lizzardb63** · 11-18-2011 12:17 PM

Most players do not put in that much effort. I've dealt with them and they only put in as much effort that they HAVE to in order to sleep with you...then they stop. If he's still contacting her at her work and bringing her stuff, it seems he just doesn't know what he wants. Any player I ever met was very distant after he got what he wanted. I never met any of their parents and usually when I turned them down repeatedly for sex they eventually made their way to the door and never called me again. He doesnt sound like the typical "player" to me. At least not in my opinion.

**rosekitten** · 11-18-2011 12:24 PM

Lizzard, I have to disagree. I've met plenty of men who will "play" relationship, so that they continue to have sex with just one person until they get bored. Have a pretense of relationship may just be to ease his own conscience "hey, I'm giving her attention, so it's only fair that she has sex with me." I've met women who do the same thing (I used to be one of them).

I do agree, though, that she needs to speak to him in a direct manner and find out exactly what his intentions are. I would also suggest not having sex with him any time soon, just to be sure he isn't playing some sort of angle.

**lizzardb63** · 11-18-2011 12:30 PM

I guess I've never been involved with players like that, lol. The ones I've dealt with and my friends have dealt with usually ditch you if you don't give you what you want because they can get it elsewhere. Usually when a girl has sex with a guy and he keeps disrespecting her and playing with her she knows he is using her but doesn't have the self esteem to tell him to go away. It's those girls that I feel sorry for (to an extent). It's like you wanna shake them and say "hey!!!! Wake up!! He's flirting with other women and getting numbers and then going home to bang you if he doesn't find anyone else to bang!" But...they would just deny it and I'd be the bad guy. I am hoping this isn't what's happening with littlekitkat. THe guys that I just described though usually NEVER take you to family stuff or go to any of your family stuff. I think it's something to do with being committment phobia or trying to keep it a little more "no strings attached". I dont know- just my personal experience. Not saying those guys don't exist, but i don't think its that common. NOt around here.

**lizzardb63** · 11-18-2011 12:32 PM

Claw- must be much different than in the US. MOst guys get what they want and never speak to you again...or if you don't give in soon enough they go "Forget this, I could just bang the insecure neighbor I see down the hall" lol

**lizzardb63** · 11-18-2011 12:47 PM

Maybe the women here are just stupid, lol. jk Usually the women who actually deal with the players over and over and sort of "easy" anyway...so they are kind of the same.

**rosekitten** · 11-18-2011 02:42 PM

I live in the US and I know exactly what kind of player Claw is talking about. They're more intelligent, and for them it isn't so much as "how many girls can I bang this week" as it is proving that they're "good enough." It tends to be a self-esteem thing from what I've noticed.