Thread: The Chase: A Woman on the Pursuit - attractive or scary?

Ok, so, I am in a situation where for the first time in my life I'm actively pursuing a man that I really like because he's just not that aggressive and also he might be gun-shy because his marriage-track girlfriend left him three years ago when he got diagnosed with cancer. He's cancer-free now, but seems like he's being very careful about who he lets into his life after that.

We have had a clear connection from the beginning but I'd say it's about a 30/70 split with the work to see each other, with me doing the 70%. We have great, intense conversations and lots of fun when we're out with a group. It's been about 3 weeks, and the closest we've come to any kind of hookup is one night I stayed over at his place because I had had too much to drink to safely get home. He has guest rooms, but I crawled right into his bed and he did too - we cuddled all night but nothing else (three cheers for a man who doesn't take advantage of your bad drunken decision-making...or he's just not into me). I think he's into me but there's something holding him back so I just keep making the effort for us to see each other and get to know each other better. My friends keep saying that I will scare him away, that men like to be the ones who do the chasing.

Is this still a valid concern these days? I have male friends who say they would love to be pursued, but are we still saying that men are naturally wired to do the chasing regardless? This is a guy who was hurt really badly by the one person who was supposed to stand by him through thick and thin, I think it's normal for him to be reluctant to get involved in anything new. And I'm not trying to pull him into a relationship right now, I just want us to get to know each other. Am I making myself less attractive by being proactive, or is this really a new age where hopefully women and men can play on an equal field with this stuff?

Thoughts??