In love...with my professor

**orangellama26** · 11-18-2011 05:23 PM

I can't help it. I kind of want to tell him how I feel. Should I? I have felt this way for almost a year, and we have hung out a few times outside of school (to go running) and I felt like we had a good time. He seems to like me, but I know he can't pursue me per se if he isn't sure that I like him back for fear of losing his job. I just don't want to miss out on something that could be a good relationship because I he didn't know how I feel.

**rosekitten** · 11-18-2011 05:36 PM

If he is currently your professor, don't pursue him. Wait until you're done with his class to mention anything. Even if he is interested in you, it is asking for all sorts of trouble to pursue a relationship with him while he's your professor.

**Little** · 11-18-2011 05:37 PM

Why can't he pursue you? Is it part of the university's agreement with him? Would you be willing to change schools to make the relationship feasible?

**orangellama26** · 11-18-2011 05:44 PM

Yes I'm pretty sure it's against the rules and just looks bad professionally. And I really wouldn't want to change schools.

**ItsASecret** · 11-18-2011 05:47 PM

Why can't he pursue you? Is it part of the university's agreement with him?

It is a matter of teaching ethics, teacher-student relations are quite limited to friendships and academia. Anything beyond that and he can lose his professional teaching career and possibly never be hired again, it is a big thing for many Universities. And personally if one of my profs was involved with a student in the bedroom or romantically I would take them far less seriously and have no respect for the professional they should be but that is just my opinion.

**Little** · 11-18-2011 05:52 PM

IAS - I figured as much, but wasn't sure if it was actually written into most universities' code of conduct, or if it was an unspoken thing.

Orange Llama - I understand that switching schools is a big deal, but if having a relationship with your professor is so irresistible for you, you should be able to make concessions for him. I assumed from your post that you are no longer in his classes, but if you still are, it's definitely a no-no to tell him you're interested.

**orangellama26** · 11-18-2011 06:29 PM

Thanks for your opinions! It's just hard to think logically when you have strong feelings!

**kygirl** · 11-22-2011 12:08 PM

Orange,
I was attracted to a professor in undergrad. We were always a bit flirtatious (I was 20, he was 31) but we were both very intellectual. I kept in touch with him and kept things strictly platonic. We ended up dating briefly after I had graduated, and we are still friends to this day. If I were you, I think a friendship would be fine, but I would avoid anything romantic. If you really like him, and it if is meant to be, you can approach the situation when you completely done with your coursework, so that there is no threat to his job.

**sp346** · 12-14-2011 11:58 AM

Each school is different, but most don't have a writen policy against it. However, it is highly frowned upon, and can have a detrimental impact on career for somebody who hadn't gotten tenure yet. If he isn't in a position to influence your grades, thesis defense, scolarships, etc, it can be done.

When I was in college (and this is 15 years ago), many people dated professors, but nobody knew about it unless years later when the relationship had disolved or the student was no longer in that college. Its actually pretty common. First thing, find out what the official rules are at the college. Then make sure he is not in a position to influence your grades (not a teacher, advisor, the department you are majoring in). If these are all lined up, then I would tell him your feelings. If you've felt this way for a year, I'm guessing its more than a crush. If its really worthwhile, it may be a relationship worth waiting for until you graduate.