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Thread: Is he trying to make me jealous?

  1. #1
    WH MODERATOR Array Beautiful Disaster's Avatar
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    Default Is he trying to make me jealous?


    For the first time, EVER, I'm dating someone a couple years younger than me. I went into this with the awareness that he MIGHT be too immature for me but also that just because he's younger doesn't automatically make him immature. In other words, I am trying to give the benefit of the doubt.

    There was a time when we first began dating that I felt like he was trying to make me jealous. I very quickly told him, that if I feel jealous that's a sign for me to hit the road. He agreed and apologized if he did anything to make me feel that way. We moved on.

    Now, his family lives around 4 hours from me. In the past two months, he's gone home to visit twice, obviously once due to holidays. He will be going home again during Christmas. It TOTALLY eliminates us getting to spend any holiday time together. But since this relationship is very new, I'm going with the flow as I totally understand wanting to be around your family on holidays. Here's the catch: He gets diarrhea of the mouth. He has told me so many stories of he and his friends from back home, picking up women at bars, getting drunk and doing crazy things and not remembering, etc. 2 of the 4 nights he's been gone this time, he's been out with his friends drunk at a local bar. This morning at 1am I get a text that says "You're still the prettiest girl I've seen in a bar even if you won't wear cowboy boots and a mini jean skirt". The "you're still the prettiest girl I've seen in a bar" comment comes from when we've been out together at a bar and he always tells me I'm the prettiest girl there. However, I took this comment a bit differently. I didn't take this as flattery, but as a "hey it's 1am I'm out drunk at a bar with trashy dressed girls that dress like I wish you would!". I didn't respond.

    This morning when he sent me a message I brought it up. He responded "I wasn't even drunk then, but I don't remember much after 2! lol!". My response "that's nice.".

    This type of behavior is really turning me off which is unfortunate because I otherwise REALLY like the guy. I'm not sure if this is immaturity on his part, or him trying to make me jealous.

    Put yourself in my shoes. How would this situation make you feel?

    "Be what you're looking for."

    "The next time you're thinking of kicking someone when they're down, offer them your hand and help them back up instead."



  2. #2
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    I think he's just immature. lol I don't think it's a jealously thing, so much of a "he's an idiot" sort of thing.

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    WH MODERATOR Array Beautiful Disaster's Avatar
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    RK - You're probably right...lol...I do tell him often that he has diarrhea of the mouth. He says what comes to mind before thinking about how it might come off. I guess there are pros and cons to that. lol

    "Be what you're looking for."

    "The next time you're thinking of kicking someone when they're down, offer them your hand and help them back up instead."



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    July 2011 Poster of the Month Array kristalyn_04's Avatar
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    Well, BD, I don't know how he would respond to honest open communication, but have you tried just talking to him about it and letting him know how it made you feel? It's possible that he didn't mean it the way you interpreted it, remember men and women think and communicate differently. Everyone has their flaws... if he's made aware that he needs to be careful of what he says and how he says it, maybe he's mature enough that he would be willing to work on it. Or, you have to decide whether or not you can deal with it.
    How can you see where you're going if you spend your whole life looking over your shoulder? –Naughty Ninja

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    Sometimes, those that talk about it the most, do it the least. He sent a text to you, that should tell you that you were foremost and frontmost on his mind. My take on this is that he may be trying to impress you in order to elicit some jealous emotions, but it may not be with the actual thought of making you jealous, if this makes any sense. He may just want to make you think that he has other irons in the fire, because to not have, means he is becoming serious about you. That may be what he is trying to cover up with all the other mixed messages. Take it easy, take it slow, be there but don't be available all the time. Make him wonder what you are up to on those days when you are not at home to accept his text messages or phone calls.

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    WH MODERATOR Array Beautiful Disaster's Avatar
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    Krista - yeah I've told him that I'm not the type to stick around if I'm made to feel jealous. He seemed to take it pretty seriously, so I'm thinking now that maybe that wasn't his true purpose.

    Claret - I think you might've hit the nail on the head. Whether or not he's becoming more serious about me, I dunno... but I do think the trying to illicit some jealous emotions is the case. And I did try to remind myself this morning when I read that, that I was on his mind at 1am while he was out or he wouldn't have messaged me. And I also reminded myself that my own feelings could be coming into play here......like worry and fear that I might like him alot and he might be out at a bar 300 miles away making out with a girl in a mini skirt and boots.

    "Be what you're looking for."

    "The next time you're thinking of kicking someone when they're down, offer them your hand and help them back up instead."



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    Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Array kygirl's Avatar
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    BD:

    I think he likes you. Obviously, you are the one that is on his mind when he is out at a bar at 1:00 am I think that is always a good sign. I do think, however, that there might be some immaturity. I also know that even guys in their 30s sucumb to hanging out with their buddies and a lot of guys make it seem like a big deal to drink it up. I think I would let it go. I know it probably made you feel a bit ticked off (I have been before when M's been out) but I think mine usually ends up being more that I am a bit jealous/insecure even without a real reason to be.

    I'd hang out in there and dont' stress out too much about it. And enjoy the holidays with your family. Maybe you can plan some "holiday time" with him either before or after he leaves
    If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
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    It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.--Noel Coward

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    WH MODERATOR Array Beautiful Disaster's Avatar
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    I think you're right. He's one of those people that says the wrong thing even when his intentions are good. Lol I got past it pretty quick. Seeing what you all had to say most definitely helped.

    "Be what you're looking for."

    "The next time you're thinking of kicking someone when they're down, offer them your hand and help them back up instead."



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    WH Super Moderator Array caterpillar79's Avatar
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    Sometimes our perception of people, especially the one we care about is tainted by how we feel at the moment. I know some of the ladies either don't know Rori Raye or do not like her as a dating coach/author, but she always advises that we, women, need to be strong in the inside and soft on the outside, so that our man feel our warmth and will feel safe to open up and bond with us.

    He is younger than you, hence, more things to learn about relationships. What is the age gap? (you don't have to answer) I'm assuming it's not a significant gap. We all havea certain degree of immaturity and we can only hope that we complement each other's strengths and weaknesses.
    What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy

    The clearest explanation for failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible; that is, one is male and the other female. - Anna Quindlen

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  10. #10
    WH MODERATOR Array Beautiful Disaster's Avatar
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    Cat- there is a 2 1/2 year age difference. But at his age (he just turned 26) that's pretty significant since he is the younger one. I'm reading a book called "Wild at Heart" that echos much of what you just said. And I do believe that to a certain extent. I am learning with him that he TRIES to express himself verbally (which is nice) but often times winds up smacking himself in the head for it coming out totally wrong.

    "Be what you're looking for."

    "The next time you're thinking of kicking someone when they're down, offer them your hand and help them back up instead."



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