Thread: Boyfriend and his friends

My boyfriend's best friend just came home for the holidays from school. He's here for like a week or two. My bf and I text each other every day, it's just the way we are. But sometimes he won't answer a question I ask him and it really pisses me off. I think it's rude. but if I ask him something else he answers. I've tried to ask him why he does that but he doesn't seem to understand. Yesterday he texted me "hi, how are ya?" "Good thanks and you?" "Pretty good." He always says he wants to hear from me. But if he wanted to talk to me as bad as he says he does, wouldn't he try to keep the conversation going, when he got the chance to? Then later he went out with his guy friends playing baseball and then fifa. I understand he wants to hang out with his friends especially since one is home for a short time, but I feel like he's acting like I'm not important to him anymore.
I'm in the Coast Guard and I work at a small boat station. I only have a handfull of friends and one that I can really trust (and she is on the other schedule rotation, so I hardly get to see her). The only hobby I really can have here is riding my horse, George. Just about every time I try to make plans with the 4h club here, something work related comes up and I have to stay late, so I can't go to 4h. I pretty much can't have a life with hobbies while in the CG. I think the fact that I have just about no friends and can't make plans with 4h is partially the reason why I act like this sometimes towards him. Like i'm jealous of him for having so many friends and me having none because of work or something. I don't know that it matters but I just recently (about a month ago) got off wellbutrin because of side effects. I'm wondering if I should get on something similar to even out my mood. Cuz now I feel like something like last night shouldn't have bothered me. Any suggestions?

I think you answered your own questions about why you are so bothered/jealous at times, that you don't have enough going on for yourself. Everyone has different needs of their partners, even if they love you just as much as you love them. Some don't need as much reassurance to feel secure in the relationship, and that usually has to do with them having other things to occupy their time and mind. If you were busy with a friend, hobby or activity you would have less free time to worry about why he didnt respond back to one queston and not the other etc... its overalyzing... and as a person guilty of the same behaviors occasionally - I do understand where you are coming from. However, what I've learned is the more you do for yourself outside of the relationship, the less you worry about those little things that don't matter.

If he treats you good, makes you feel special, if you are happy with him... you shouldn't require him to prove it all the time, and to feel slighted at every conceived failure on his part to do the little things to make you at peace. You shouldn't have to rely on those things... it can create a resentment that works the opposite of the way you want it to.

You want him to text you and look at the phone and know he did it because he was genuinly thinking of you -- you don't want to turn it into a job or chore for him to keep you from getting upset with him. It will cause problems down the road if not immediately.

My advice?? Find things to do on your own. Yes, you have a partner, a boyfriend... but you have to be your own person too.. don't lose yourself because part of what makes you a good girlfriend is the fact that you are happy with yourself, with your life. No one wants to be responsible for someone elses happiness. Its taxing and emotionally draining.

Let him enrich your life and add fun and laughter and love... but build the foundation for all of that... on your own and you will be happier in general AND with him. Make friends, find a new game, a new sport, a new class to take.. etc..