Dating Newbie....is this rejection?

**Ziggy93** · 01-01-2012 06:28 AM

ok so I've recently turned 18 and going out so I'm new to this whole dating thing and was hoping from some advice on this situation.

I met this guy 5 weeks ago at a club through mutual friends. I noticed him looking at me early on in the night. Then finally later on I stood near him talking to someone else, and when they left he nervously introduced himself. He is 20 and we go to the same college. He was really cute and sweet, we talked for a long time, he then offered to buy me a drink, and we continued to talk (i could def tell he was interested). Afterwards all our friends got up to dance, so I asked him if he wanted to go out too. We were dancing really close and we ended up making out (i know, I know....but it felt right). At the end of the night he said he really wanted to see me again,we exchanged numbers and he said he'd call the next day. To my surprise he actually did call, and he arranged to meet me after work for a coffee on Wed.

We met on wednesday, initially he was blushing hard, but after initial awkwardness we got on really well, conversation flowed, and we ended up chatting for about 3 hours, I was so happy, I def liked him. When we were saying goodbye he asked me if i was free on the weekend, at which point I turned into an awkward freak and said um yeah did you wanna go out and he was like well yeah thats what I was thinking . Anyway we hugged, and he kissed me on the cheek, but the goodbye was definitely awkward. I realise now I probably should've texted him or something when I got home that it was nice seeing him, but unfortunately I didn't because I'm new to all this.

By friday night I hadn't heard from him, so I casually texted him asking him if he was still interested in doing something tomorrow. He replied saying yes, and asked if i wanted to grab dinner and watch a movie. Sat morning he texted me again asking what movie I wanted to see, and then we arranged a time.
So we meet up on Saturday evening for the movie . During the movie he was very fidgety, i felt like he wanted to initiate physical contact but he was scared (which I really couldn't understand since we've already made out, and he initiated the make out)...i tried to sit really close, but I didn't wanna rush him. So we watch the movie, then go out for dinner (he's payed for everything btw). Once again conversation flowed really well, I definitely felt strong chemistry. Once again the goodbye was awkward, mainly coz I rushed the hug. In reality I reallllllly wanted to kiss him, but as I said I'm new to this whole dating thing. He said we should catch up next week, but I didn't give a clear reply coz I was dying of awkwardness (btw Im generally a sociable person, but goodbyes are always awkward for me). THen as i was walking way (dying at how I'd missed my chance) he said text me when you get home. When I got home I texted him:

Hey **** just got home. Thanks for a nice night x

He replied almost instantly with
:
Nice seeing you again ****! Catch up soon x

So a week goes by and I hear nothing, so on Sunday night I text him:

Hey ***, How was your week? Just wondering if you were free at all this week for a catch up?

He replies 4 hours later with:

Hey ***, my week was pretty great actually, how was yours? Unfortunately I'm pretty busy this week though, im working quite a bit

I replied with:
it was alright. That's ok, another time.

You can imagine I was disappointed...I really wanted to see him again, and hopefully correct all my awkward mistakes! But I kinda felt like this was a rejection... So I didn't contact him for 2 weeks, also because the second week was Christmas week, and we were both gonna be busy. So on Christmas Day I thought I'll shoot him a text, so at least he knows I'm thinking of him.

Me: Merry Christmas ***, hope you and your family have a good one!

he replies 20 mins later:

Merry Christmas to you too ***! Hope you had a good day

I didn't reply to the above, since he wasn't really asking a direct question and I'm not a big fan of text conversations. And basically now its been a week since then, I desperately wanted to text him on Nye, but I really can't really can't tell what he's thinking. He's definitely not a shy person or afraid of women, and he has female friends from high school. But I think he was nervous because I was a completely new person and his last relationship was 2 years in high school.

So basically I have no idea what to do now, its been a month since I've physically seen him and I don't know whether to contact him or just think he's just not that into me? Would it be desperate if I contacted him first AGAIN and if I did where should we go out, since we've already done coffee, dinner and a movie?

Please help, I want your complete honesty because this is all new to me.

**BabyGirl** · 01-01-2012 08:46 AM

If you haven't seen each other in a month ( physically ) I would take it as , he doesn't seem to have a strong interest in continuing to date you at this time.

Usually when someone is attracted and it's mutual, they make sure to stay in contact and try hard to make dates or meetings. If you are in the same town, that isn't that hard to do,even if it's just a Soda or cup of coffee type date.

I wouldn't pursue him, though if you wish, Today being New years Day, maybe send him a Happy New Year text. How he replies will give you an Idea of how he thinks of you.

If you get a " You Too " type reply, with nothing about missing you or maybe a get together soon,then I would say, Hey you had a couple of dates, it didn't Click for the both of you .. And Move on.

You now have some experience in dating and can work on your shyness and reactions to guys when face to face and alone or on a real date. There are lots of guys out there for you to date and get to know.

Just don't get infatuated too fast, learn to take getting to know him slowly, Don't rush into getting Physical too fast. Some guys ( not all ) will date you a couple of times, push or want sex from you, then just dump you or not call/ text or just say " it's ( feelings) not There ".

Take your Time, enjoy Dating and realize there will be ones that don't work out. But someday One Special guy will come into your life .

**jns** · 01-01-2012 11:31 AM

He sounds like he is somewhat socially awkward in a situation that he is not familiar with. Because of this, he is not initiating. And your long conversation went through many small topics, so he may not have ideas of what to talk about. Start seeding the conversation with possible subjects that you two haven't talked about.

To get rid of awkward goodbyes, suggest that the two of you practice them together. Then when you actually do say goodbye for the night it will flow smoothly. The practice will be fun.

Start expanding where you two go on dates. A drive in the country. Out to see houses. A trip to the library. Going to an amusement park. Going to the shore. Hiking. Running. A trip to a park. Volunteering. Etc. Over time you will find out if you two are truly compatible.

**Aeryn Sun** · 01-01-2012 07:33 PM

The holidays are a very hectic time for people, maybe that was it? I would text him and say you want to buy him lunch or something over the next two weeks, and to have him let you know when is a good time for him.
If gives him a wide enough time to see you, and if it doesn't cost him, he has nothing to lose if he does have interest.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 01-02-2012 12:54 PM

I'm taking a different route on this one. You've initiated contact the last couple times. He responds, which is nice....but he's not initiating any contact with you or trying to see you. My opinion is that if a guy is into you, he'll call, he'll text, he'll do whatever he's got to do to see you. Yes, holidays are hectic, but to say there's not one single time in an entire week you could meet up for a drink or for coffee and a bagel? Eh......

Don't let yourself get hung up on a guy that's not eager to spend some time with you. You've put yourself out there, initiating contact with him and other than responding, he's making no effort.

If it were me, I wouldn't attempt to contact him again. You've tried, he knows you're interested, the ball is in his court.

Goodbyes are almost always awkward when its' someone new. Don't be hard on yourself over awkwardness, we all go through it when dating.

**Ziggy93** · 01-03-2012 03:07 AM

Thanks for all the replies! Aeryn and Beautiful Disaster, your two replies are exactly the two that I'm tossing up between! Thing is we don't really live near each other, and so far we keep meeting in the closest city. He lives about 45 mins north of it, I live about 30 mins south. But I also work and go out in the city a lot, but he rarely goes there. Our college is in the city, so it would be so much easier to meet up with him if we weren't on holidays!!!
It could be that holidays are hectic, I know that we are both pretty busy, he knows I work alot (almost every day of the week), he's the eldest of 5 kids and he works, also we are both going on holidays at the end of jan.....so even though I actually don't mind looking desperate and asking him out again, I don't even know how we could schedule it...
all i know is I wanna see him again
Im thinking of maybe texting him Friday night asking him if he's heading into the city on sat with his friends, since there's gonna be a major festival on in the city...
honestly (and I mean honestly) what do you guys feel about this?

**Aeryn Sun** · 01-03-2012 05:37 AM

I think it would be a great idea to meet up with him at the festival. I would ask him out ahead of time though, not the day before. He may have plans made with other people if you wait too long.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 01-03-2012 06:56 AM

honestly (and I mean honestly) what do you guys feel about this?

As I said, and this is just me, I think if a guy doesn't TRY to see you, or talk to you, then he's just not that interested. With todays technology, unless you're on a deserted island, there's simply no excuse for total lack of contact.

I look at it like this, YOU are into him, so you're texting him, have asked him to get together, and even after rejection are still thinking about him ALOT and really wanting to contact him. He, on the other hand, has made no attempt or effort at contacting you or seeing you since the last time you all met up. And it's been a month. To me, it's clear as mud that this guy is just not that interested. It doesn't mean you're not good enough, it may mean he has baggage he hasn't let go of yet, or perhaps he knows the distance would be an issue, etc.

If you're going to ask him to get together, do so......but set a stopping point.

**Ziggy93** · 01-03-2012 07:47 AM

Thank you so much Beautiful Disaster for your honesty. You've spelled it out correctly and you're 100% right. I'm not going to contact him this week, and I've deleted his number to stop myself from further desperation. Really I think I liked the thought of him more than the actual him. Hard lesson to learn, but I'm glad for the experience.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 01-03-2012 08:47 AM

That's a great attitude to have. Dating and putting yourself out there will teach you alot. But the best piece of advice I can give you is: Be yourself. And be okay with the fact that you can't win them all. Try hard not to take rejection personally and let it get you down but consider it an opportunity. If it doesn't work with one guy, let it go and consider it a lesson learned because that just means the guy for you is still waiting. Each person that comes into your life will be an experience that teaches you something.