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Thread: Oh poo...now what?!

  1. 01-09-2012 10:59 PM #1
    acerousme
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    Question Oh poo...now what?!

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    So, Ive met my penguin in life. Hes my age, and we're pretty much inseperable..We have been together for three months now.

    Recently, hes been on the hunt for a new apartment, and one of my two bedrooms has come available, and he wants to move into it...with me. I would love to move in!....into the suite. It has a HUGE hidden balcony, a soaker tub, hardwood flooring!! But im afraid that if i move in with my man, it will ruin our relationship.

    ....BUT THAT TUB!!! haha just kidding.

    I dont know...is three months too soon? I mean, Ive only been in my own place since June...I like having my space....but he IS always here. He doesnt even go to his place now. ....so what would be the difference?

    BAH!!! SOMEONE PLEASE give me clarity on what i should do
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  2. 01-10-2012 12:25 AM #2
    CHANDLERS WISH
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    Dear Daughter,

    This is difficult except, if you have pretty much been living together for some time and you can handle him leaving the toilet seat up, his socks on the bedroom floor, clothes scattered everywhere can you handle playing Mum? Cooking, cleaning, doing everything

    If you enjoy him around in any event and you know he can pay his way, (very important) then you need to make "house rules" we are not married, I am not your Mother and these are the things we need to consider and make agreements with including, splitting the bills monthly on a certain date, now here is my account number for those monies to go into.

    In other words 3 months is not long... What will happen if he changes his mind in another 3, stops paying rent, or bills? You can handle the get in the kitchen it's your turn to cook, I know that much

    But, as you are the "landlord" if the lease is broken are you safe? Can you move somewhere cheaper or can you afford it? Consider mainly the finances as well as the "equality" of the living together.....

    With wuv BAHHHHH
    Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
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  3. 01-10-2012 10:11 AM #3
    acerousme
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    thats the thing mum!!!...he does dishes, floors, the bathroom, he NEVER leaves the seat up...I came home to my blinds washed (theyre a horrible tin sort of thing...and the people that lived in my place before didnt clean them). He ALWAYS makes the bed in the morning, and!!!...HE DOES THE WASH!

    I love having him around!...when his A.D.D isnt in full swing. why do all men find fart sounds funny? He already helps out with bills, groceries etc... Thats what I was worried about. what if things change after we move in with eachother? then what?

    Because I am the property manager, (sounds better than landlord, and "satan slumlord") I dont have to worry about a lease. I get first pick of any suite...

    Now finances...he makes 2 grand a month after taxes, and I make 1,100. Rent would be 925, so he said HE would cover rent, and i will cover the bills, then we will both contribute for groceries, the animals, and household needs....but we dont NEED a two bedroom...but it WOULD be nice to have the room.

    BAHH!!! This is tough
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  4. 01-10-2012 11:11 AM #4
    jns
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    Better now than later to find out if you two are compatible. Putting it off under the idea that when you have gotten to know each other better and have more in common to go through any rough spots easier is IMO not a strong theory. If the relationship was only a few weeks old or he wasn't practically living at your place I would say no, but that is not the case.

    Guys learn to make jokes about farts at a young age so they always find the sounds funny. In private conversations I have found most Southeast Asian women I know also think they are funny. If it is more public or a larger group there is sometimes nervous laughter. My mother is always embarrassed.
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  5. 01-10-2012 12:40 PM #5
    CHANDLERS WISH
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    Given all you've written, I agree with JNS...Go for it..

    You already know his habits, which are good habits, and he can afford it and he's already spoken about financial commitment..

    Enjoy your life Ace.. Who knows where this relationship will go, but I lived with mine before getting engaged and you know the rest...

    Go for it.
    Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
    It doesn't happen over night
    if truth were to be told.

    Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
    you must believe!
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  6. 01-10-2012 02:21 PM #6
    acerousme
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    Im still nervous! Ive never been in a REAL adult relationship (take a screen shot of that, because I will never admit to that again)...an "adult relationship" where the man is ACTUALLY my age, and we both agree that we are adults and will discuss things like adults.

    Im more nervous because THIS is a jump I have never done....Id be moving into a bigger place, but im kind of attached to my place. its perfect. it feels like home, and everybody that comes over comments on how "comfy" my place is. WHAT IF HE RUINS THAT??

    OH OR WORSE....what if he has that ugly chair we all despise? or he wants to hang his posters on the walls? .....I dont think i could live with that. my home is completely adult-like, and artistic...and it screams "ACE"....


    .............i think im over-analyzing things
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  7. 01-10-2012 02:29 PM #7
    CHANDLERS WISH
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    Well you know you have to compromise...It will no longer totally look like your place when you share, you share and that's called communication and discussion.

    I have my place for my keys, sun-glasses, etc and I made one for David. His pictures sit on my walls as do mine.

    In-other-words.. It becomes "your house together" no longer Aces.

    That seems like the only decision you need to weight up.

    Remember though, another one will come up later... You don't have to rush if you don't want to...You can claim your independence...
    Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
    It doesn't happen over night
    if truth were to be told.

    Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
    you must believe!
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  8. 01-10-2012 02:42 PM #8
    acerousme
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    But what about that tub??? AND THE BALCONY??? OR THE TOTALLY AWESOME WINDOWS?!?! its on the fourth floor, so id be safe...unless there were a fire...

    what if i upset him by saying "I dont want to live with you just yet"....i mean, logicaly thinking, we would be able to save more for our trip to the land down unda...





    ....my head just blew up...
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  9. 01-10-2012 03:56 PM #9
    CHANDLERS WISH
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    Oh dear

    Okay, write a list pro's and con's. Left hand side of the page verses the right hand side of the page.

    With all things in life, there are sacrafices.....
    Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
    It doesn't happen over night
    if truth were to be told.

    Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
    you must believe!
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  10. 01-10-2012 05:40 PM #10
    Little
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    There are lots of what-ifs But to address one, if he's upset about your not being ready to move in with him, I'd say he needs to take a chill pill. As you mentioned, you have only been together 3 months. There's no shame in slowing down for a minute.
    Moving in "too" early doesn't necessarily ruin a relationship (for example, me and hubs - you know the tale!) Buuuuuuutttt it is a death sentence for a poor or underdeveloped one. Take the decision very seriously, talk it out between the two of you, and don't be afraid to direct him elsewhere
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