Thread: HELP!

hi there! and welcome to the site. We dont have a "no boys allowed" sign up anywhere on the site, and Im quite glad you came here for advice.

First things first. DONT rule out the whole "be yourself" thing. If you werent being yourself on the date, and she fell for you, then shes going to be in for a real surprise as you come out of your shell. So..lets set out some rules.

1) BE YOURSELF
2) go on this lunch date, and forget that shes a senior. Who cares. We are all at different stages in our lives. So remember to LISTEN to what she has to say, ask her about herself. where shes from, her hobbies, if she likes animals...you know. the usual. If you want to "win her over" be genuine with her. smile, listen, and respond with something better than "you have a nice smile". lol
BE CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF! You guys are going for lunch!!! Thats a good sign!! and then after its all done, ask her if she wants to go for dinner.

Maybe bring her a flower? if shes worth it, then go for it!

I'm a guy (lots of us post here). Different women like different things, but some ideas:

Self confidence. This probably matters more than any other single thing. This isn't bragging, or being loud or anything like that - its just completely squashing any thoughts that she is "out of your league". Convince yourself that you are an interesting, attractive person, and if you don't happen to hit it off, it isn't a reflection on you, but just that you two aren't compatible. Also - I don't know how well you know her, but you may be the one to decide that you don't match well. You are not trying to "win her over", you are meeting her for lunch and you will both see how well you get along.

Dress: This can vary a lot - but in general make sure things are clean and neat. I don't mean wear a suit - wear what you are comfortable in, but avoid things that are ragged (unless that is part of your "style").

Listen to her. Find out what she is interested in, and try to find common interests to discuss. If you don't find any, then maybe you aren't a good match.

The really important thing is for you to both enjoy spending time together - if that happens, then a more serious relationship is likely to develop.

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

I'm a guy (lots of us post here). Different women like different things, but some ideas:

Self confidence. This probably matters more than any other single thing. This isn't bragging, or being loud or anything like that - its just completely squashing any thoughts that she is "out of your league". Convince yourself that you are an interesting, attractive person, and if you don't happen to hit it off, it isn't a reflection on you, but just that you two aren't compatible. Also - I don't know how well you know her, but you may be the one to decide that you don't match well. You are not trying to "win her over", you are meeting her for lunch and you will both see how well you get along.

Dress: This can vary a lot - but in general make sure things are clean and neat. I don't mean wear a suit - wear what you are comfortable in, but avoid things that are ragged (unless that is part of your "style").

Listen to her. Find out what she is interested in, and try to find common interests to discuss. If you don't find any, then maybe you aren't a good match.

The really important thing is for you to both enjoy spending time together - if that happens, then a more serious relationship is likely to develop.

If this were facebook...I would be hitting LIKE right now. ESPECIALLY with the clothing. There is nothing worse than a guy that doesnt take the time to look presentable. Like rc said, you dont have to wear a suit...but make sure you look all shmexified. lol

Originally Posted by acerousme

hi there! and welcome to the site. We dont have a "no boys allowed" sign up anywhere on the site, and Im quite glad you came here for advice.

First things first. DONT rule out the whole "be yourself" thing. If you werent being yourself on the date, and she fell for you, then shes going to be in for a real surprise as you come out of your shell. So..lets set out some rules.

1) BE YOURSELF
2) go on this lunch date, and forget that shes a senior. Who cares. We are all at different stages in our lives. So remember to LISTEN to what she has to say, ask her about herself. where shes from, her hobbies, if she likes animals...you know. the usual. If you want to "win her over" be genuine with her. smile, listen, and respond with something better than "you have a nice smile". lol
BE CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF! You guys are going for lunch!!! Thats a good sign!! and then after its all done, ask her if she wants to go for dinner.

Maybe bring her a flower? if shes worth it, then go for it!

Thanks a lot for responding so quick! Appreciate it. Just didn't know if it was okay when I saw "Women's Forum". Well if you really think the "be yourself" advice may work then I guess I will try it. I know guys can act casual to help out there case, or act like they don't care. Personally I have never done that, since it doesn't seem like me and does not feel right.
It is just nerve-racking with her, she seems amazing and unfortunately has many other guys after her. Is there any realistic way I can separate myself from these other guys and really get her into me? It is just difficult.
Another problem, I don't know if she sees it as a date?! How can I tell??? I just asked her to lunch and she said that would be great. I don't know what to think, so a flower may not be the greatest idea. She is worth it though.
And thanks for the advice on the clothes haha I normally dress pretty nicely. I take care in my appearance.

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

I'm a guy (lots of us post here). Different women like different things, but some ideas:

Self confidence. This probably matters more than any other single thing. This isn't bragging, or being loud or anything like that - its just completely squashing any thoughts that she is "out of your league". Convince yourself that you are an interesting, attractive person, and if you don't happen to hit it off, it isn't a reflection on you, but just that you two aren't compatible. Also - I don't know how well you know her, but you may be the one to decide that you don't match well. You are not trying to "win her over", you are meeting her for lunch and you will both see how well you get along.

Dress: This can vary a lot - but in general make sure things are clean and neat. I don't mean wear a suit - wear what you are comfortable in, but avoid things that are ragged (unless that is part of your "style").

Listen to her. Find out what she is interested in, and try to find common interests to discuss. If you don't find any, then maybe you aren't a good match.

The really important thing is for you to both enjoy spending time together - if that happens, then a more serious relationship is likely to develop.

I know her fairly well, met her a few times. It is difficult not to think this girl is amazing and be confident. She definitely is something special, unfortunately I am sure the doubt will come through. Thanks so much for the advice. I'm looking forward to it, and I am really hoping we will enjoy spending time together. If you have any tips on this or the questions I asked acerousme that would be great.

Originally Posted by N0092

Thanks a lot for responding so quick! Appreciate it. Just didn't know if it was okay when I saw "Women's Forum". Well if you really think the "be yourself" advice may work then I guess I will try it. I know guys can act casual to help out there case, or act like they don't care. Personally I have never done that, since it doesn't seem like me and does not feel right.
It is just nerve-racking with her, she seems amazing and unfortunately has many other guys after her. Is there any realistic way I can separate myself from these other guys and really get her into me? It is just difficult.
Another problem, I don't know if she sees it as a date?! How can I tell??? I just asked her to lunch and she said that would be great. I don't know what to think, so a flower may not be the greatest idea. She is worth it though.
And thanks for the advice on the clothes haha I normally dress pretty nicely. I take care in my appearance.

DEFINITELY dont act like you dont care. Be casual as in comfortable. Youve already won half the battle, buddy! She said YES! YOU have landed a lunch date! You are in the lead right now. What will set you apart from the other guys if your ability to listen, and answer accordingly and appropriately. So heres what you do. Go to this lunch date. Feel her out...treat her like a friend that is a girl. If you dont want to get to know her better, then it isnt a good sign. Once again...LISTEN to her. Ask her things she has to think about. Like her favorite vacation? Dont treat this like a date. Thats what is making you nervous.

If it goes well, near the end, ask her if she would like to do that again. Maybe dinner and a mini adventure? ASK her about her interests (once again LISTEN) and plan a neat little date around that. So do dinner and....pottery? Theres lots of cool classes you could both do. And on that date, dont be afraid to show off a bit. BUT only once. not all night.

Youre going to do fine. you just need to remember that you're already winning. She didnt say no.

Looking nice and being yourself are important. Also try to look at her a lot, not like a creepy staring contest sort of thing, but don't just eat your food and keep your head down looking at it. That will make you seem uninterested. Keep your chin up, it makes you look confident about yourself (like you're worth it), it lets her know that you are listening, and she will definitely notice how you keep your eyes on her. It will make her feel important and pretty. A big no no is don't look specifically at her boobs, even if its just a quick glance-we can tell. I used to know a guy who would always take quick little glances down at every girls breasts while he was talking to them, it was very creepy and very awkward. You should also compliment her as soon as you see her. I know I always feel really great when someone instantly notices something and compliments me. Just something small like, "it's great to see you, you look nice" or "pretty," even something small like that will make her feel good. Don't make a big deal out of the compliment, just work it in naturally to your hellos. It's also nice when a guy holds a door open for me, my boyfriend makes a point to always open my car door for me, even if he's already in the car. I also notice physical contact, so maybe you should just lightly touch her arm as you compliment her. These are just small things that I know I notice and appreciate just remember that you're already getting lunch with her so she obviously doesn't believe that she is out of your league, so neither should you

Be a 'stud'...not a dud by doing the following:

1. Arrive early. If you're meeting her somewhere, then get there about ten minutes before she does. Find an appropriate location, table, bar stool, etc. where you can enjoy conversation and make good eye contact.

2. Be neat. Regardless of your 'style', make sure that it's neat. 'Iron' is not a swear word. Use one if you have one...to iron the wrinkles out of your favorite shirt you just pulled from the bottom of the 'clean' laundry pile. Leave your favorite lawn mowing tennis shoes at home in the closet. Same goes for your favorite screen printed T-shirt with the beer logo, politcal statement, etc.

3. Be a gentleman. Stand when she arrives or better yet, go and get her from the lobby (or whatever) and lead her to your table... If nothing else, at least stand when she approaches where you are sitting. Open doors, etc. Look up, SMILE !, make her feel like she made the right decision and you are glad that she is with you.

Females like to be appreciated, honored and respected, so treat her that way. If it's not YOU, then do your best and make the necessary changes to your life so that it becomes you (for the next one).

This is not a frat party...it's your only chance to make a real (good) sincere first impression!

Now get out there and make your mother proud!

Hints: If you woudn't say it to your mother or in church, you probably shouldn't say it on your first date! By now, all females have
met enough losers for a lifetime...so don't be one.