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Thread: Does he want to marry me?

  1. #1
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    Default Does he want to marry me?


    I have been with my boyfriend for three years and seven months. We have lived together for two years and five months. I really want him to ask me to marry him. I have felt like this for a while now. I have a friend that got engaged last week and she told me you know the saying " If you have lived togeher for over a year and he still hasnt asked you than he never will" Is this true? When I bought the subject up to him he kind of ignored me so I dropped it. Does this mean he doesnt want too?

  2. #2
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    Sounds like your boyfriends view is "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Three and a half years is a long time to not make a commitment...I would imagine that by now he should know if he wants to marry you. I can't say if he will or won't, but if he doesn't want to talk about it, write him letter expressing your feelings. If he doesn't respond after that, most likely he's not looking toward the same goal that you are, then it will be up to you to decide if you want to settle, and keep things as is, or move on.
    Last edited by alibaby; 07-28-2007 at 07:14 AM. Reason: add a final thought.

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    I have been in the same situation for a while. I have been living with my daughters father for 3 years. After a while he would call me his wife and I would call him my husband, but we are not actually married. I was starting to think the same way as you are now. But after three years of wondering he finally asked me. We are now engaged and will be getting married this January. I think that some men are so scared of getting married that they hide from it for so long. But eventually they realize that you guys have been together for so long that its a commitment that needs to be made. I think that while little girls are putting pillowcases on there head and pretended its their wedding day, little boys are running around with their friends making pacts to never like a girl!!!! It kinda comes with you in adulthood! But if he has been with you for three years then he obviously loves you and it will happen someday. You just need to give him time and understand that it is a really hard thing to do for some men. I know its hard to bring it up to him, so writing a letter might be a good idea. But trying to force it will do no good. If he agrees to marry you, he might feel like he had to. And you would never want to force someone into that. It would be in the back of your mind until the marriage ends in divorce. But when he comes to it in his own time, you will know that he is sincere, and really wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

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    Senior Member Array JubesInquest's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alibaby View Post
    Sounds like your boyfriends view is "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Three and a half years is a long time to not make a commitment...I would imagine that by now he should know if he wants to marry you. I can't say if he will or won't, but if he doesn't want to talk about it, write him letter expressing your feelings. If he doesn't respond after that, most likely he's not looking toward the same goal that you are, then it will be up to you to decide if you want to settle, and keep things as is, or move on.
    I agree.

    They figure if they marry too soon, then it will be about" the one that got away."
    That just means they're hanging with YOU until their ship comes in... and that's just some ultimate-female stuff that they believe in, and if they marry YOU, they can't marry HER.
    Like believing in the toothfairy or Santa, ya know?

    Like Alibaby says, it's up to you if you settle for this or leave.
    Quitters never win; Winners don't give in

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    me and my husband have been together 12 years my husband asked me to marry him about ten years into the relationship (scary i know). when we were younger neither of us wanted to get married we both discussed it and agreed that it was not important, just a piece of paper, blah, blah, blah. well that lasted about four years for me and then i was wishing i would of kept my ************ mouth shut, still i never said anything because i felt it wouldn't be fair to him to just decided to up and marry him and change everything. To be perfectly honest we were very happy together. I made great money at my job., we had common likes and dislikes. well after about eight years together everyone at my husbands job started nagging him saying he was ************ for not marring me. they were telling him that in some country's we were considered legally married,that he was probably making me insecure by not wanting to marry me. they were asking him what was stopping him, oh they get why marry the cow when he could get the milk for free, stuff like that. well my hubby would come home ranting and raving saying how dumb the guys at work are. that marriage changes everything. that i knew he loved me and didn't need some ************ piece of paper to prove it. Once again i was agreeing with him reassuring him and admitting to myself that i was doomed to a domesticated partnership for life. All my friends kept asking me why i didn't just tell him how my feelings had changed, that i knew i would never need anyone else in life but him, that i wanted that ************ piece of paper (that wasn't so ************ any more). However, I didn't want to feel that i made him marry me. I wanted him to want to marry me. Well Every year starting from the our first year anniversary, my hubby would by me a piece of jewelry (which was his idea) . On the last day of Feb 2005, A few months before my vacation and our ten year we were in the jewelry store talking to our usual jewelry lady. My hubby told me to pick out whatever ring i wanted from the engagement section of the Leo diamonds. I picked out a cute 1/4 carat. when our sales lady asked if we were Finlay going to tie the knot (to my surprise) my hubby said yes in may. I stopped bathing, i looked up at him and saw he holding his breath and starring at me waiting for my reply. At this point i started to cry and gave him a huge kiss and said i loved him everyone in the store was smiling and clapping. The sales lady said smiling " Well that was a cheap way to get out of getting on one knee and asking the right right way if Ive ever saw one, just for that your fiancé deserves a bigger ring just for putting up with you". My hubby said "I agree". I walked out of there with a 3/4 carat Leo diamond and a smile almost as bright. Later that week my husband asked me if I could take an emergency vacation. I did, and we eloped on march 9 2005 and have still been going strong. sorry if I bored you but wanted you to see to not lose hope some guys are a little bit slower but worth the wait.

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    He ignored the topic ...then my dear he is just passing his time I think!..

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    Quote Originally Posted by rachelray View Post
    me and my husband have been together 12 years my husband asked me to marry him about ten years into the relationship (scary i know). when we were younger neither of us wanted to get married we both discussed it and agreed that it was not important, just a piece of paper, blah, blah, blah. well that lasted about four years for me and then i was wishing i would of kept my ************ mouth shut, still i never said anything because i felt it wouldn't be fair to him to just decided to up and marry him and change everything. To be perfectly honest we were very happy together. I made great money at my job., we had common likes and dislikes. well after about eight years together everyone at my husbands job started nagging him saying he was ************ for not marring me. they were telling him that in some country's we were considered legally married,that he was probably making me insecure by not wanting to marry me. they were asking him what was stopping him, oh they get why marry the cow when he could get the milk for free, stuff like that. well my hubby would come home ranting and raving saying how dumb the guys at work are. that marriage changes everything. that i knew he loved me and didn't need some ************ piece of paper to prove it. Once again i was agreeing with him reassuring him and admitting to myself that i was doomed to a domesticated partnership for life. All my friends kept asking me why i didn't just tell him how my feelings had changed, that i knew i would never need anyone else in life but him, that i wanted that ************ piece of paper (that wasn't so ************ any more). However, I didn't want to feel that i made him marry me. I wanted him to want to marry me. Well Every year starting from the our first year anniversary, my hubby would by me a piece of jewelry (which was his idea) . On the last day of Feb 2005, A few months before my vacation and our ten year we were in the jewelry store talking to our usual jewelry lady. My hubby told me to pick out whatever ring i wanted from the engagement section of the Leo diamonds. I picked out a cute 1/4 carat. when our sales lady asked if we were Finlay going to tie the knot (to my surprise) my hubby said yes in may. I stopped bathing, i looked up at him and saw he holding his breath and starring at me waiting for my reply. At this point i started to cry and gave him a huge kiss and said i loved him everyone in the store was smiling and clapping. The sales lady said smiling " Well that was a cheap way to get out of getting on one knee and asking the right right way if Ive ever saw one, just for that your fianc? deserves a bigger ring just for putting up with you". My hubby said "I agree". I walked out of there with a 3/4 carat Leo diamond and a smile almost as bright. Later that week my husband asked me if I could take an emergency vacation. I did, and we eloped on march 9 2005 and have still been going strong. sorry if I bored you but wanted you to see to not lose hope some guys are a little bit slower but worth the wait.

    Awwww

    I like the ring-in-the-store-engagement! And then she eloped! I don't hear about that much, but it's soooo cute! I like this story!
    Quitters never win; Winners don't give in

  8. #8
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array tinkerbell930's Avatar
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    I have a friend that was with her man for over 5 years, bought a house and everything...she had been telling him all the time how much she wanted to get married. He always brushed her off too.
    We never thought he would do it...in fact he kept saying that he was watching how all his friends marriages went before he took that step.
    Wellllll, he proposed over Memorial weekend to her. She had no idea and it was awesome. We were all happy for her and he was romantic too...and he is NOT at all romantic. Sooooo, you just never know what they are thinking.
    My husband and I were really happy we got to be there for that special weekend for our friends too.
    IF GOD BRINGS YOU TO IT-HE WILL BRING YOU THROUGH IT!!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by **~Kira~** View Post
    I have been with my boyfriend for three years and seven months. We have lived together for two years and five months. I really want him to ask me to marry him. I have felt like this for a while now. I have a friend that got engaged last week and she told me you know the saying " If you have lived togeher for over a year and he still hasnt asked you than he never will" Is this true? When I bought the subject up to him he kind of ignored me so I dropped it. Does this mean he doesnt want too?
    What a cute story Rachelray!

    Anyhow, back to Kira.... Girl, if you are serious about getting a ring on your finger after 3 years & 7 months of dating - it is time for a different course of action! I definitely agree with the whole: 'Why buy the milk when you can get he cow for free?' point of view. Remember nothing changes if you change nothing!

    I wouldn't press your boyfriend about it again. Give him a little time to bring it up himself. You have planted a seed. If he he has not seriously thought about marriage after years of being with you, then you have to draw the line! I would simply drop him (in a nice way of course!) Believe me if he really loves you - he will be begging you back within 6 weeks - on ANY terms you want!

    Good Luck
    planet-goddess

    Love coaching system, life coaching, relationship advice, seduction secrets, pageant & celebrity beauty tips....

  10. #10
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    Red face im so touched by ur storryyy :)

    im so touched and shed a tear after i read ur story. i ve been with someone who i love for 2 years and he didn mention marriage at all. i ve told him abt me wanting to get married to him...and he just kept quiet. i dont know if i cant wait like u ...i mean i want babies and i dont wana ever separate from him...

    wel now i didn know what i would do... i guess i will date a few other guys...and lets see from there... because i dont think he want to be married with me ....he did mention he want 4 kids but he didn mention abt me in the picture..

    anybdy can advice me?

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