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Thread: Why am I so clingy/needy??

  1. #1
    Junior Member Array
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    Default Why am I so clingy/needy??


    Well... I don't really know where to start.
    I am just a very clingy person, and I can't help it. I'm a very introverted, very to-myself type of girl... I have friends, but not friends I hang out with on a regular basis and I'm not really close with them.

    My boyfriend is my best friend... but, I'm finding out that that's not exactly a good thing. He needs his friends. He needs to have "guy" time and some space sometimes. I'm more than willing to give it to him. But the second he's gone, I feel so lonely and so needy for his attention... like he is the only person who can make me happy and fulfill my life. I feel bored and lonely. I don't know what to do. I am falling apart. I know that it will eventually push him away...

    How do I become more independent? I have to make this relationship work because I truly feel like he is my soul mate... and I know that if it ends, it will be because of this problem. People tell me to make new friends and find hobbies...easier said than done! Please help me... I am so desperate.

  2. #2
    Administrator Array Little's Avatar
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    I have had this problem, and how.
    You've got to do everything people have been telling you: hang out with your friends more, make new friends, and have hobbies.
    My rule for long distance relationships could apply here: separate "think about him" time from "think about other things" time. Separate yourself from him somewhat. Don't sit around being bored and lonely; get out and do something. Clean your living area (haha, that's what I always do when I'm lonely.) Learn to bake or cook. Get a set of paints. Do anything to create a life for yourself, not a life dependent on your significant other.
    Good luck!

  3. #3
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array lilly41's Avatar
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    I agree with Little
    Just do something to keep yourself busy i get that way and i try to go for a walk,play bingo, do the housework listen to music and dance, sit outside in the sun its winter so its nice and warm today read a book anything that you'd like to do

  4. #4
    Junior Member Array LittleB's Avatar
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    I have to admit to having this same problem, with being to dependant on my boyfriend, we are now engaged, and he is away for weeks at a time on work. I never needed my own mother in the way that I need him, just to talk to and to listen to me..ect. I have always been independant, maybe according to my mother a little too independant, since he is gone so much of the time now I find it hard to cope with daily things even much less a week! I to do not have a lot of friends I 'hang' out with so going do soemthing with myself during these times is a bit challenging.

    I said all that to say this: I understand how ya feel girl!!

    I guess in time I will get used to it.

  5. #5
    Junior Member Array switzgirl's Avatar
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    Exclamation right there with ya

    i'm in the same spot ladies......just dont know what to do with myself when hes not around. i dont really have any friends....hes my bestfriend.... i too feel lonely and sad- i just made a post this morning about me taking him to the airpiort so he can go to a wedding-i'm just about distraught over the whole thing----its really retarded.....

  6. #6
    Senior Member Array JubesInquest's Avatar
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    Gabrielle,

    I agree with the ladies here.

    Just find yourself a hobby. What do you like to do in your spare time (besides being with your b/f)?

    Do you enjoy working in the garden? Some outdoor sports? How about making jewelry? Candles? Art? Building/restoring things?

    There are plenty of things that you can enjoy doing! Why not just take some classes in something you maybe interested in? That will get you started to having some time for yourself to do what YOU enjoy doing... AND, you'll meet new people in the process!
    Quitters never win; Winners don't give in

  7. #7
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    Default Dear Gabrielle451

    I joined this site just so i could write a response to you to say thanks.

    You literally put into words exactly my problem at the moment, im so so glad im not the only one. I actually feel crazy.

    I have just graduated and since doing so I have quite literally NO FRIENDS and no family besides my boyfriend. I have been looking hard for a job hopeing to meet people in the workplace I can be friends with, but nothing but rejection letters so far.

    Also the thing thats getting me down is that I dont have my licence. I have been on my learners for 3 years now! I have brought a car that my boyfriends now uses as his second car due to his own being under construction.... I feel so helpless and pathetic.

    I absolutely adore this man, i no my crazy needyness will drive him away if i dont stop. And if I let this happen i would never forgive myself. Hes everything and more and so good to me.

    Im making myself depressed for no reason. All he wants is space. There is only so many books and magazines you can read and so many times you can walk along the beach and do paintings.

    So starting tomorrow morning im a woman on a mission. I need to get ME back. I am going to join the gym, go to the beauticians, get my hair done, buy some hot clothes and get my licence before my 20th birthday (one month). And do everything humanly possible to get a job and move out. Hopefully I can make a friend along the way.

    If I can do this then there is hope lol you have no idea what a mess I am. I am so full of stress and anxiety that I am making myself unhealthy. I wouldnt blame him if he left me. Im boring and needy. Anyways, I hope this works. Fingers crossed.

  8. #8
    kms
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    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array kms's Avatar
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    Hello ladies,

    It seems like there are many of us in this situation...

    I came to the city where I am now to do an internship starting in August, and haven't had the time or connections to make any friends outside of my bf (who is going to school here). My colleagues are all a lot older than me - I also teach at the university but I don't want to hang out with my students (not after they finish my class anyway), and most of them are younger than me anyway.

    Almost all of my friends from undergrad are scattered everywhere, so every now and then I am able to do something with one of them, but nothing on a regular, daily basis.

    My advice to everyone (and something I'm trying to do myself) is to be involved as possible. If you're in college, join clubs, go to lectures, events, festivals, join a study group, be friendly with your classmates... for everyone you could do some volunteering (especially good if you're looking for a job: excellent way to network and to add something to your resume). Get involved in your local gym... if you're at all religious, get involved with a religious organization. In short, get out of the house! Take advantage of everything going on around you!

  9. #9
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    if only all of us lived closer, we could all be friends...have one of those weekly girls nights. problem solved :P

    sometimes i wish that my life could be like sex and the city with a close group of girls, how lucky some people are to actually have that.

    good luck with everything girls.

  10. #10
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array lovemyself1's Avatar
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    Default

    i agree...i wish i had great friends like in that show. i do have a set of friends (husband and wife) they both are my best friends...equally. but thats it....not a whole lotta friends. girls dont make friends like men do. its hard. they should have a dating site thats for meeting friends.....
    Smile...it's not so bad.

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