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Banned from WH
I'm A Horrible Hypocrite
So...I basically bash people for cheating on their loveys and stuff and well...O_o I should take my own advice.
I'm a horrible person.
Well, there was this guy. He said he liked me and I said I liked him, but we never became a girlfriend and boyfriend because of the distance. He would sing me songs and play his guitar for me, but I never felt connected to him the way that I should have if I really liked him. A few days pass and we only talk once a day for about 2 minutes and I was just... I couldn't get into his anymore. I dreaded calling him and would feign sleep if he called. It wasn't a good time at all.
Now, there was a guy that I ran a radio show with and basically... the guys there treat me like their princess. I get first dibs on everything and they just love me up all the time. It's kinda like me and 4 other guys that run the show and I'm the only female there, so I get all the male attention. Something like that has never happened to me.
The leader of the radio show and I spent some time together this morning and we started talking and he was just being himself and I was feeling extremely lonely, so...we had sexual relations. T_T I know. I'm so horrible. I prayed before and after because I felt that bad about it because I knew all I had to do was "break-up" with the other guy before I did anything, but I was just so needy. I feel so bad now.
...I told him today that I didn't feel connected to him after the whole thing happened, but I left out what I did exactly. He was confused anyway.... SEE?! I LEFT THE OTHER SHOE HOME!
"Why sense does it make to put on one shoe and leave the other home?"
I used to drill that into people's heads all the time and tell them that if they are to say something, say all of it instead of half. I didn't even follow my own path! Jesus Christ. ;_;
What should I do? I know one day I'll eventually tell him, but I hate knowing that it might hurt him. Maybe I should tell him tomorrow... Oh God, I don't know.
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Administrator
If you hadn't explained the parameters of your non-relationship, it's not cheating. Maybe that sounds to you like I'm trying to make an excuse for you, but I really don't see how you did anything wrong. He doesn't live near you; you declined to start a relationship; he will disappear from your life eventually or perhaps now that you've told him there's no spark he'll disappear immediately. Why harm him unnecessarily?
I don't think you should be as worked up as you are about this. Someone cheating on his/her spouse is very different than this.
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Banned from WH
-shrugs- Like I know what a married couple goes through. I'm just saying how I feel.
And yes, I told him last night and he took it very well and he said he doesn't hate me and that he's glad I told him, but I still feel like ****. I am a hypocrite and my friend called me a luster. T_T I'm marked for life.
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Administrator
Please, please say you were being flippant with the "marked for life" bit. I did some wild and crazy stuff when I was 16 and thought I was ruining my reputation but three short years later I and the people who knew me have mostly forgotten it. Live your life while you're still young! I don't mean to say go around and hurt people, but don't tie yourself to one outcome. Be free 
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Banned from WH
...I'm not a , though. O_o
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Administrator
No, you're not, and you don't have to be Anyone who tells you differently is just jealous or wants to hurt your feelings.
I think that as long as you are being safe and respecting others' feelings, you won't get labeled as a "." For example ...
One of my good friends and his girlfriend broke up. She said that she needed space to see how the relationship was going. Then she proceeded to have sex with 3-4 other guys. Some of them she had sex with while drunk, while high, etc. She tells him all the details of her sex life even though he is hurting alot over their breakup.
At what point did she become a "?" (And in my opinion, she very much is.) At the point where she was having non-discretionary sex while under the influence and at the point where she decided to hurt my friend's feelings by telling him unnecessary details.
I have another friend who rather often has sex with ex-boyfriends of hers. She always uses a condom and doesn't get feelings involved. She doesn't get her feelings hurt and neither do they. I still respect her and wouldn't ever think of her as a because she's careful physically and mentally.
So I'm not saying, "Go out and have sex, Rav!" Haha, no way. I'm just saying that you can and should do what you want while you're still young and not in too-serious relationships. Just be careful, like I've said
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Banned from WH
I guess you're right, but I still feel like **** for what I did. T_T How do I get rid of the guilt?
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Administrator
Well I guess that you're just going to have to let time take care of it. That's all I was ever able to do. You'll be okay; you're strong
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Super Moderator
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Banned from WH
...I'm not forgiving myself. I refuse to.
I feel gross.
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