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Thread: My boyfriend got out of prison and left me PLEASE HELP!

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    Default My boyfriend got out of prison and left me PLEASE HELP!


    My boyfriend (now ex boyfriend) and I have been together for a year and 5 months. Everything was great up until about 3 weeks ago when his attitude changed towards me. We got into an argument at the movie theatre because i needed totalk to him about something and he responded by saying "there is nothing to talk about" and it made me angry because everytime i want to tell him about something that bothers me, that is his response. From there, everything went down hill. His calls and texts stopped coming as much. The sweet language almost completely stopped, and he stopped making time to spend with me. His tone and language in how he talks to me got very disrespectful to the point that it wold manifest in front of his friends and he would get irritated everytime i would call and try and talk to him. I could ask him "do you miss me"? and he would blow up and get angry and respond by yelling " why you ask a stupid ****** question!? I couldnt believe it. I told him not to ever talk to me like that I asked him if he wanted me to stop calling and leave him alone and he told me to shut up and if i ever said anything like that again, to dead my self and move on with life because the realtionship will be over with. Those words hurt like ******** and the convo ended with him hanging up on me. The following day he ignored all my calls and texts and for the next 4 days after that I didnt hear from him. the fifth day i couldnt take it anymore so i went over to his house and he was just purely cold. Everytime i tried to touch him, he would tell me to get off of him, he didnt want me to touch him, kiss him, nothing, he even told me to fix my dress when i sat down because he didnt want to see that! All of this was shocking and hurtful. He told me that he wasnt going to call me and that he is acting like this because he doesnt want to talk to me and needs time away from me because he said that i ask him too many questions and argue with him to much. I asked him how he felt about me and he said " I care about you" I asked him if he loved me and he said " im not gonna answer that" I say why and he said "because I dont have to" All of these occurrences were like bullets to the chest. In the end, he said "lets just be friends" i asked him if he doesnt want to be with me and he said no. he said i deserve better and he has some f'd up ways and he doesnt want to end u hurting me.....

    I just dont understand how his feelings could go from loving me to death to hating me in just 3 weeks. If i didnt go over there, he would still be ignoring and not calling me. He couldnt even confront me about all this, i had to make him and the fact that he didnt want me touching him like i was poison really hurt and confused me. Please HELP ME UNDERSTAND AND MAKE PEACE WTH THIS, PLEASE! He did just get out of prison 2 months ago from doing a 10 year bid, if that helps with anything and I was the only one there for him. Making sure he was comfortable with letters, money, food, and conversation.

    Being away from me and not hearing from me doesnt seem to bother him at all! Ever since the day he told me wanted to be friends, i haven't heard from him and its been 2 weeks already. How could you just go from talking to someone everyday and professing your love for them to complete distance.
    After the break-up he told a friend of his that we were ok and he just needed his space because he felt like he was still locked up. He said I was still his lady and he still loved me and wanted to marry me. On the other hand, he told his sister that he just wants us to be friends until he gets himself together, and then he told another friend that he just wants to be friends because I am acting childish. Isnt this confusing, please HELP! Did i do something wrong. He hasnt said hello, or even checked on me these last few weeks but he is flirting with other girls now that its over.

    4 weeks later:

    I left him alone again up until yesterday when i spoke to a friend of mine and she insisted that I follow my heart and call him. I called and he sent my call to voicemail. I was so hurt because even after 4 weeks he still would not talk to me. It ate me up so bad that the next day i called again, private because i felt that if he heard my voice maybe it would be different. He answered and asked who it was, once he heard it was me, he hung up again. I am tying everything to get myself through this situation but i feel like i am going in circles. I wrote a heartfelt text to his sister asking her to give me advice as if i was her sister or daughter and she completely ignored me which made me feel worse. He obviously hates me by the way he is acting and I just dont understand why his sister would treat me like that especially when we used to be so close. I looked at her as my own sister, even helped he find a job when she got laid off and she just ignored me when i just asked her for advise.

    A former inmate of his that was locked up with him heard about what he had did to me and called to talk to me. He told me that i am a beautiful, educated woman and can have any man I want. He said that my ex is stupid because anyone in their right mind wouldn't let someone like me go or do wrong to the one and only person that was there at the lowest point of his life when no one else was. He says that he speaks to him all the time and he asked him about why he didn't want to be with me and said that he couldn't even give a reason. He said that my ex is having a hard time adjusting and wants the finer things too fast and he is moving to fast and sounds like he is loosing his mind. He told me that I am a good girl and I don't deserve that treatment and to not chase the rabbit.

    I'm not going to keep going about what he said but it made me feel batter but now i'm sad all over again because i really think he hates me. Why else would someone act like that? being with him while he was locked up wasnt easy at all and was very stressful at times but i never gave up on him. Now that he got out, it was so easy for him to let me go and give up on us just because of arguments and me asking him questions. I just hate it because it hurts SOOOOO much b/c he doesnt want anything to do with me and I still dont know what i did that was wrong. I am tired of making a fool of myself and i dont know what to do. Why is this soo hard?

    I still love him and it will not go away! Till this day i wonder if he still loves me, or if he ever did love me.

    Currently:
    I was doing pretty well, taking the advise from family and friends and taking it day by day, each day getting a little less painful up until yesterday when i heard from his cousin. She told me that she asked him about me but she said that she would let him tell me. I asked her why she couldnt and she said felt it wasnt her place to tell me what the news was. At this point my stomach was in knots because i wanted to know what it was. So i asked her to please tell me and asked her if he was still in love with his ex or something. he response was that she really didnt know about that but she said that him and I are done but with no explanation on why, she said every time she asks him about me its like world war 3 and whatever it is, left a bad taste in his mouth and he acts like its nothing. She said that if she said my name, he would respond by saying "who? dont ever say that name in my presence" she said he got real hostile. He has my name tattooed on his ring finger and she said that he was trying to get it covered up but doesnt know what to put there yet.

    I know many of you who know my story would say why do i care but in all honesty, hearing that really hurts me because he despises me, hates me and cant stand me from those statements and i did NOTHING to him. The fact that even with his own cousin, he did not have an explanation of why he broke up with me in the first place is another thing that keeps eating at me and i feel that she hasnt told me everything for whatever reason. Its like i'm back at ground zero again. The only thing i can think of that was done to make him upset was when my mother fussed him out when and made him feel low for all the pain she watched me go through because of him. He had us all deceived and had no remorse for anything that he did, said and lied about. But even that doesnt add up to the resentment he is showing towards me.

    I really don't know what to do anymore, why does he hate me, am i missing something??

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    WH MODERATOR Array Beautiful Disaster's Avatar
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    The question is, why do YOU hate you? Girl.... number one you sold yourself short from day 1 with this guy because he was in jail. Of COURSE he was dedicated and in love with you while he was locked up. You saw his true colors when he got out of jail. You have now seen the real him. And it's not pretty...it's not nice....it's not respectful.... and it's NOT worth another second of your time. Why spend your time trying to figure someone out who can't even figure themselves out? He's a jerk. He's a jerk now. He was a jerk when you all were together. And every time you ask about him or contact him you chip away more and more of your dignity. Things happen in relationships all the time... a man that loved you even a little might've gotten mad about something and pouted or fought with you about it...but he wouldn't just turn his back on you like you're a piece of garbage. You stuck by him while he was in jail. He couldn't do the same for you, because this man does not love you. Pretending like he hates your guts is easier than saying "I just don't love you". He's playing games with you, leaving you wondering, leaving you begging for forgiveness over something you don't even know you did. By doing this, he keeps the upper hand here, he keeps control and he knows you take him back in a split second. And he's lost respect for you for the simple fact that you were willing to put up with whatever he did in order to just have him. Was he really that great?

    It's time to work on you. Learn to love yourself. Or unfortunately, this type of relationship situation will replay itself over and over and over in your life. You teach people how to treat you. You love and respect yourself, you will get love and respect. It's time to let this go, cut off all ties and seriously move on.

    "Be what you're looking for."

    "The next time you're thinking of kicking someone when they're down, offer them your hand and help them back up instead."



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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster View Post
    And he's lost respect for you for the simple fact that you were willing to put up with whatever he did in order to just have him. Was he really that great?

    It's time to work on you. Learn to love yourself. Or unfortunately, this type of relationship situation will replay itself over and over and over in your life. You teach people how to treat you. You love and respect yourself, you will get love and respect. It's time to let this go, cut off all ties and seriously move on.
    When he first started to show his true self, i was in denial and shock because i couldn't believe what i was experiencing. It was like, this cannot be the man i fell in love with doing me like this. I didn't think i let him treat me that way because his behavior is why we had so many arguments and i guess he would punish me by giving me the silent treatment.

    I guess i never really looked at it as me putting up with it because if i had, he wouldn't have broken up with me. This relationship has done a number on my self esteem and it is a painful journey of accepting the fact that the person i saw was who he really is and that i got emotionally conned by someone who i thought truly loved me. I never thought that he would verbally abuse me and be so cold just becayse he didnt want a relationship. I will never understand how he could treat me like that, never...

    The biggest thing is, he doesnt treat anyone else like this. Everyone thinks he;s cool and such a sweetheart and thats why i took it so personally. He only treats me like this and i dont understand why...
    Last edited by rubyrage21; 06-16-2012 at 06:49 PM.

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    Also, I do not want him back, my contacting him or family/friends was just me trying to find out what i did because i had no clue. I still dont know what i did and anyone i have spoken to say that he cant give a reason. he even had the nerve to say that he can do better.

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    Ruby, Ruby, Ruby. Him ending things, you will reflect back and think its the best thing that ever happened to you. Not because he was an inmate, not because of your non-traditional way of meeting or any of that... but because he is a JERK. He sounds so completely self-absorbed and a person that is a USER. He didn't worry about hurting you, or being the wrong guy for you when you were keeping him from being lonely while he was away.

    But now that he no longer requires your services, he is treating you disposable. Trust that when the chips are down, he will come around again... and tell you he is sorry, and make up a million stories for why he treated you so badly. Girl. You have to be strong. Don't buy into the nonsense that I am sure he will feed you the moment he needs money, a place to stay, some sort of favor. He is a USER.. from just the one post you described him in, its plain for anyone without emotional attachment to see.

    Do yourself a favor and go back up and re-read your post. But don't read it like you wrote it. Read it like its something your mom or best friend wrote... and ask yourself the kind of advice you'd give to your mom or best friend in the same situation. Treat yourself as good as you'd expect another woman you care about to be treated.

    There are so many men in this world that will appreciate your loving nature. Don't waste another moment of your time on a man that will NEVER appreciate it, unless he is directly benefiting from it. And even then... its more than likely he doesn't appreciate, but rather feels entitled. I know the type well. I've seen friends and in my younger years have known the type intimately.

    Its not his good nature that is causing him to tell you that you can do better, its his easy way out..his way of crossing a bridge without burning it, in case he ever needs to call on you again. Do not fall for it.
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

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    VIP Member Array Aprilily's Avatar
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    I agree with Beautiful Disaster and Hopeless Dork...
    Of course he was sweet to you while he was in prison; he was using you as a support system. Now that he is free he no longer needs that. He probably thinks he doesn't owe you an explanation for his rude behavior...and honestly, would he be honest with you if he gave you one?
    I know this is hurtful and confusing now, and I'm sorry, but I feel as though you dodged a bullet.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork View Post
    Ruby, Ruby, Ruby. Him ending things, you will reflect back and think its the best thing that ever happened to you. Not because he was an inmate, not because of your non-traditional way of meeting or any of that... but because he is a JERK. He sounds so completely self-absorbed and a person that is a USER. He didn't worry about hurting you, or being the wrong guy for you when you were keeping him from being lonely while he was away.

    But now that he no longer requires your services, he is treating you disposable. Trust that when the chips are down, he will come around again... and tell you he is sorry, and make up a million stories for why he treated you so badly. Girl. You have to be strong. Don't buy into the nonsense that I am sure he will feed you the moment he needs money, a place to stay, some sort of favor. He is a USER.. from just the one post you described him in, its plain for anyone without emotional attachment to see.

    Its a hard pill for me to swallow because when he first came home, everything was great. he was still the sweet person i had fell in love with. We had our disputes but he never responded to me in a disrespectful way. It was when we got into it at the movies and i embarrassed him is when he started acting like this. From that day on no matter what he said " everything is fine, nothing has changed" i knew and felt that things were different. I didnt feel the love anymore. It hurt alot because i felt like it was my fault that he changed. He changed in the matter of a day and just started being vindictive and hurting me on purpose. He even admitted to it when i asked him about him knowing that i was hurting with him giving me the silent treatment and he responded by saying " yes i knew you were hurting and i was saying to myself, yessss, im hurting her" i couldnt believe it.

    Also it was hard to come to terms with because he has my name tattooed on his ring finger. So of course i was thinking that if he went to that extreme, he must really love me.

    Currently, it was confirmed by a mutual friend of ours that he feels that he can find better than me. Hearing that hurt me too because i was nothing but loyal and supportive to him while he was at the lowest point in his life and he gave up on us without a second thought about it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aprilily View Post
    I agree with Beautiful Disaster and Hopeless Dork...
    Of course he was sweet to you while he was in prison; he was using you as a support system. Now that he is free he no longer needs that. He probably thinks he doesn't owe you an explanation for his rude behavior...and honestly, would he be honest with you if he gave you one?
    I know this is hurtful and confusing now, and I'm sorry, but I feel as though you dodged a bullet.
    Thank you, the fact that he used me is the hardest to come to terms with. He showed a completely different side of him and i honestly never saw that coming. He acts like he cant stand me based on what his cousin said which is why i feel like i did something and i have no idea what it is that i did and clearly him or his family is not going to give me an answer. It got so out of hand that my mother went off on him telling him that he is stupid and will probably end up back in prison and a lot of other bad stuff. That is probably why he hates me but what she said had nothing to do with me.... My parents cant stand him.

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    VIP Member Array Aprilily's Avatar
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    Ruby,
    I think after "the dust settles" and you have more time apart from him, you will start to see the brighter side of this split. You don't need someone who can change with a flip of a switch like that in your life-he is truly a user, and maybe your parents are right by not liking him. I went out with someone my parents couldn't stand--they saw through his facade and knew he wasn't a good hearted person....they were right, I was just too blinded by love (or lust, whatever it was at the time) to see through his act. You did not do anything to bring this on, and I don't think it's what your mom said either-it would've happened regardless. If he really cared he would've spoken to you about it, not just cut you off. You'll make it through this, just give your heart time to heal. You are the one who deserves better!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aprilily View Post
    Ruby,
    I think after "the dust settles" and you have more time apart from him, you will start to see the brighter side of this split. You don't need someone who can change with a flip of a switch like that in your life-he is truly a user, and maybe your parents are right by not liking him. I went out with someone my parents couldn't stand--they saw through his facade and knew he wasn't a good hearted person....they were right, I was just too blinded by love (or lust, whatever it was at the time) to see through his act. You did not do anything to bring this on, and I don't think it's what your mom said either-it would've happened regardless. If he really cared he would've spoken to you about it, not just cut you off. You'll make it through this, just give your heart time to heal. You are the one who deserves better!!
    Thank you so much. I really needed to hear that! I have never met anyone that can flip a switch like that but i guess it isnt surprising to most because he is a criminal. Everyone said that i should be thanking God that i found this out sooner rather than later and that the movie incident allowed it to come out faster. They said if that didnt happen, it would have happened some other way. I know i will make it through even though i dont see it right now. but i will never make this mistake again.

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