i just realized. im one of those crazy girlfriends.

**dgirl07** · 09-28-2007, 04:31 PM

me and my boyfriend have been kind of shaky lately. we've been together 6 months next week. we dated 3 years ago for the same amount of time and then we just lost it but we were a lot younger then.

so lately ive been contemplating what the heck is going on here. and ive been trying to pin point the faults in our relationship on him. but today i realized a lot of our issues stem from me.

ive just come to realize how controlling and jealous i am. and how much i try to change him and make him someone hes not. im sure as your reading this your probably thinking well it doesnt really sound like you guys work together...i guess the best way to describe our relationship is that we bicker A LOT. but when our relationship is good. its the kind of good that cant get any better.

i am a picky person. and im realizing more and more how much i pick at him and how that must make him feel? i guess i thought that the more i pick he'll get annoyed of it and he'll change.

and then i realized i am one of those baby hungry ring hunter girls. and that really isnt good. we are both young and i put so much emphasis and worrying about our future together. and exactly how i expect to live in the future and in what time frames i would like to accomplish things by. i mean he used to talk about us getting married in the far future but he doesnt say things like that anymore. and i wonder if it isnt because im scaring him away?

and im one of those girls who expects a fairytale romance where i am wooed and things are bought for me and its just always perfect lovey dove.

i dont know how to control this. any of it. my jealousy, my pickiness, my high expectations. and i fear if i dont learn how i might lose the guys i love. any adivce or thoughts at all would be so appreciated.

**dr.mansview** · 09-28-2007, 06:47 PM

some words of wisdom for "dgirl07" (i don't know who first said this)..a woman marries a man hoping he'll change, a man marries a woman hoping she won't..

**LadyLane** · 09-29-2007, 01:58 PM

Well, I'm not sure how old you are, first of all. Because it makes a difference.

Second of all, I wanted what you want. Presents, wooing, fairy tale, etc. Doesn't REALLY exist. Part of it does! My hubby bought me - still gets me - great gifts, we have fun on our dates, he tries very hard to make me happy. But he's not really romantic, and I used to nag him like crazy about it. Then I thought, why? He does so much for me, fills my car with gas, gets it washed, "guy" things. I started looking at those thing as romantic instead of always waiting for the florist to ring the bell (never happens) or rose petals all over the bed. He's just not that way. Someone once said, if you don't expect, you won't be disappointed. And its true.

So maybe you should make a list of all of the qualities you want in a man, and an honest list of all the qualities he has, and compare. If he works hard, is honest, doesn't cheat, doesn't belittle you or hurt your feelings, tells you he loves you, makes you laugh, doesn't borrow money from you, pays his bills, is good to his friends and family, then the other stuff is just details.

Just remember, he is who he is already. He's not going to change. You can change the clothes he wears or how he cuts his hair, but that's about it. The more you pick the more he'll think you're telling him what is wrong with him. Its okay to have high expectations, but don't harp on them to him so he thinks he'll never be able to meet them. It sounds to me like you're insecure, and hey, I was for a long time, so I'm not judging. Its hard when you want something so badly. But if you love each other than the "when" doesn't matter. The ring will come. The baby will come. Just try to enjoy your time together.

Dating is the fun part. Marriage and babies are work.

Britne24 · 11-14-2007, 04:26 PM

I went through a situation that is a lot like yours, except mine went on for six years instead of six months! I realized I was crazy about year 2 of our relationship, but he stuck it out. Well that was until a few months ago.... He finally had enough of my ing and my apologizes! So take it from me, if you love him and he truly is the guy you want to be with you have to Figure out a way to chill out! Enjoy the good times you have together and stop expecting more than even you know he is capable of giving! I wish I had some advice to help you a little more, but I am still going through it myself. Just try learn from my misktakes and not your own. They will get tired of it one day, wether six months or six years. No one can stay with some one that is to jealous, controlling, picking...... A little but of those qualities can be a good thing, but to much will drive him away! Good luck

ejm0306 · 11-18-2007, 01:28 PM

There are two things that I learned from my marriage...#1) You can't make someone change. If you can't love them for them then you don't need to be with them in the first place. The 2nd thing is that it is normal to get jealous and be protective, but you have to know your limits. If you aren't jealous or protective to some extent it makes you guy feel like they are with someone who doesn't care. It sounds to me like you need to find a happy medium. If you want him to change then get out before either of you gets hurt. It will be better in the long run.

**dgirl07** · 11-22-2007, 04:11 PM

THANKS to EVERYONE!

i took the advice from you all.

ive calmed down, ive chilled out, and ive learned to not stress the little things. and thanks to it my relationship is going wonderfully.

everything is a lot more relaxed now. i no longer put too much emphasis on the future and i have been trying to live by the motto that if its meant to be it shall be.... of course i still want to get married and have a baby...but not right now, it'll happen when it happens.

ive learned to except all of who he is and the things that he enjoys, even if it doesnt interest me, im learning to try and take an interest and its making him so happy. and because hes happy im happy.

its actually him who is now talking about getting married and settling down in the next year or two. and it amazes me that with the few changes ive made our relationship has grown to be so much stronger than i thought it could be.

so i really appreciate everything ladies.

**dr.mansview** · 11-22-2007, 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Britne24

I went through a situation that is a lot like yours, except mine went on for six years instead of six months! I realized I was crazy about year 2 of our relationship, but he stuck it out. Well that was until a few months ago.... He finally had enough of my ing and my apologizes! So take it from me, if you love him and he truly is the guy you want to be with you have to Figure out a way to chill out! Enjoy the good times you have together and stop expecting more than even you know he is capable of giving! I wish I had some advice to help you a little more, but I am still going through it myself. Just try learn from my misktakes and not your own. They will get tired of it one day, wether six months or six years. No one can stay with some one that is to jealous, controlling, picking...... A little but of those qualities can be a good thing, but to much will drive him away! Good luck

you are a very wise woman "britne24"..to realize you were that way takes a very mature person to see themselves as others do..those are the very traits that send me running in the opposite direction; that and over analizing EVERYTHING"..take care..

becca_smith75 · 12-15-2007, 11:34 AM

I agree... it is hard to see yourself as the problem... many want to blame the other person cause its easier. Working on your self is the best thing you can do because your happiness starts with yourself. No other person can make you happy, they can only influence the way you feel.
I deal with those feelings everyday not to nag, not to control and its very hard for me not too, but i try. I know I cant change my boyfriend as MUCH AS I WANT TO, I have to decide if he is the one for me.

09-28-2007, 06:47 PM	#2
dr.mansview Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: canada Posts: 1,061	some words of wisdom for "dgirl07" (i don't know who first said this)..a woman marries a man hoping he'll change, a man marries a woman hoping she won't.. __________________ a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..

11-14-2007, 04:26 PM	#4
Britne24 Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: MS Posts: 1	Take it from me..... I went through a situation that is a lot like yours, except mine went on for six years instead of six months! I realized I was crazy about year 2 of our relationship, but he stuck it out. Well that was until a few months ago.... He finally had enough of my ing and my apologizes! So take it from me, if you love him and he truly is the guy you want to be with you have to Figure out a way to chill out! Enjoy the good times you have together and stop expecting more than even you know he is capable of giving! I wish I had some advice to help you a little more, but I am still going through it myself. Just try learn from my misktakes and not your own. They will get tired of it one day, wether six months or six years. No one can stay with some one that is to jealous, controlling, picking...... A little but of those qualities can be a good thing, but to much will drive him away! Good luck

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09-28-2007, 04:31 PM	#1
dgirl07 VIP Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 50	i just realized. im one of those crazy girlfriends. me and my boyfriend have been kind of shaky lately. we've been together 6 months next week. we dated 3 years ago for the same amount of time and then we just lost it but we were a lot younger then. so lately ive been contemplating what the heck is going on here. and ive been trying to pin point the faults in our relationship on him. but today i realized a lot of our issues stem from me. ive just come to realize how controlling and jealous i am. and how much i try to change him and make him someone hes not. im sure as your reading this your probably thinking well it doesnt really sound like you guys work together...i guess the best way to describe our relationship is that we bicker A LOT. but when our relationship is good. its the kind of good that cant get any better. i am a picky person. and im realizing more and more how much i pick at him and how that must make him feel? i guess i thought that the more i pick he'll get annoyed of it and he'll change. and then i realized i am one of those baby hungry ring hunter girls. and that really isnt good. we are both young and i put so much emphasis and worrying about our future together. and exactly how i expect to live in the future and in what time frames i would like to accomplish things by. i mean he used to talk about us getting married in the far future but he doesnt say things like that anymore. and i wonder if it isnt because im scaring him away? and im one of those girls who expects a fairytale romance where i am wooed and things are bought for me and its just always perfect lovey dove. i dont know how to control this. any of it. my jealousy, my pickiness, my high expectations. and i fear if i dont learn how i might lose the guys i love. any adivce or thoughts at all would be so appreciated.

09-29-2007, 01:58 PM	#3
LadyLane Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 361	Well, I'm not sure how old you are, first of all. Because it makes a difference. Second of all, I wanted what you want. Presents, wooing, fairy tale, etc. Doesn't REALLY exist. Part of it does! My hubby bought me - still gets me - great gifts, we have fun on our dates, he tries very hard to make me happy. But he's not really romantic, and I used to nag him like crazy about it. Then I thought, why? He does so much for me, fills my car with gas, gets it washed, "guy" things. I started looking at those thing as romantic instead of always waiting for the florist to ring the bell (never happens) or rose petals all over the bed. He's just not that way. Someone once said, if you don't expect, you won't be disappointed. And its true. So maybe you should make a list of all of the qualities you want in a man, and an honest list of all the qualities he has, and compare. If he works hard, is honest, doesn't cheat, doesn't belittle you or hurt your feelings, tells you he loves you, makes you laugh, doesn't borrow money from you, pays his bills, is good to his friends and family, then the other stuff is just details. Just remember, he is who he is already. He's not going to change. You can change the clothes he wears or how he cuts his hair, but that's about it. The more you pick the more he'll think you're telling him what is wrong with him. Its okay to have high expectations, but don't harp on them to him so he thinks he'll never be able to meet them. It sounds to me like you're insecure, and hey, I was for a long time, so I'm not judging. Its hard when you want something so badly. But if you love each other than the "when" doesn't matter. The ring will come. The baby will come. Just try to enjoy your time together. Dating is the fun part. Marriage and babies are work.

11-18-2007, 01:28 PM	#5
ejm0306 Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Lowell, AR Posts: 6	There are two things that I learned from my marriage...#1) You can't make someone change. If you can't love them for them then you don't need to be with them in the first place. The 2nd thing is that it is normal to get jealous and be protective, but you have to know your limits. If you aren't jealous or protective to some extent it makes you guy feel like they are with someone who doesn't care. It sounds to me like you need to find a happy medium. If you want him to change then get out before either of you gets hurt. It will be better in the long run.

11-22-2007, 04:11 PM	#6
dgirl07 VIP Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 50	THANKS to EVERYONE! i took the advice from you all. ive calmed down, ive chilled out, and ive learned to not stress the little things. and thanks to it my relationship is going wonderfully. everything is a lot more relaxed now. i no longer put too much emphasis on the future and i have been trying to live by the motto that if its meant to be it shall be.... of course i still want to get married and have a baby...but not right now, it'll happen when it happens. ive learned to except all of who he is and the things that he enjoys, even if it doesnt interest me, im learning to try and take an interest and its making him so happy. and because hes happy im happy. its actually him who is now talking about getting married and settling down in the next year or two. and it amazes me that with the few changes ive made our relationship has grown to be so much stronger than i thought it could be. so i really appreciate everything ladies.

12-15-2007, 11:34 AM	#8
becca_smith75 Junior Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Ontario Posts: 14	I agree... it is hard to see yourself as the problem... many want to blame the other person cause its easier. Working on your self is the best thing you can do because your happiness starts with yourself. No other person can make you happy, they can only influence the way you feel. I deal with those feelings everyday not to nag, not to control and its very hard for me not too, but i try. I know I cant change my boyfriend as MUCH AS I WANT TO, I have to decide if he is the one for me.