Thread: Where are the guys? Help me Ladies

Originally Posted by Fallen1

I have always believed that men and women's success should not be measured by what they have but by their character.

I agree. I just wish most of the world felt the same way.

Thanks for the insight.
I would like to shed some more light on this topic. First for fallen1, Thanks again. Please don't hold a grudge against us. As much of a joke it may seem, there is maybe some anger in you that has not past and only can eat away at you or be unconsciously be directed at those who did you no harm. You have someone in your life. Think of guys like me and please don't take yours for granted. I hope you mean well. Peace and Love.
Ladylove. He is in Minnesota. Whatever state you live in, sexism or whatever can crop up. As far as the laughter goes I think the hurt feelings happened in the manner the calls were taken. What I heard from him was "It was clear she was holding back laughing and had no sense of concern at all." Another call. He contacts a clinic, he nervously explains his situation, "She starts to giggle, seemed like the receiver was moved away from her mouth, in the distance jabbering and giggling. Hands the phone to another girl who tries to act real serious but still humored." The last call before getting an appointment on the next one. Here is the killer. Makes the call. After spilling his guts she sounds like she does not know what she talking about and they are booked way out. She says, "We-e-e-e-ll ga-ga-a-good luck with a-a-all of th-that." Holding it back. He said thank you and as he hangs up she starts laughing. Ends the call. Quote "I hung up the phone, yelled f**k and wanted to cry.
Ladylove, Peace and Love to you.
Still nobody. This a sad situation and shows how cold some people are.
The situations you brought up almost sounds like. "Well now its his turn." One of my last lines from an earlier posting from me was about the price I feel I might be paying for wrongdoings of men in the past. Between men and women it looks like this is not la-dee-da relationship stuff. It is starting to look like a battle of the sexes. Some men lay down and say walk all over me. Some women want to do that to each and every guy. Most are in between. For many it is all out war. Either way. Generalizing men are all jerks or some of my friends trashing women just make this a long war of attrition. It extends it painfully for everybody. Partly because of the death and my anxiety I am seeing a therapist this week. I am not crazy, just real depressed to the point of being suicidal. I don't smoke, drink or use drugs. Not being religious makes it easier for me to give up. One thing I read today is that anxiety causes the mind to magnify small problems into big ones. I see the world not through beer goggles so to speak. Lately many things have been brought to light in my life and have left me very saddened. Real things to ponder. I forget who posted it but one of you wished me well on finding new love. I hope I do and thank you so much. Even if that day comes. I still worry about my friends, family and all of you who might be in pain because of some wrongdoing of another. Somebody said once, "Life is not fair." Something I coined was, "Life is not fair but I will be."
I am trying to be optimistic. Sometimes to hit the lowest low allows a man to feel the highest high. Maybe thats true love. I don't know. Maybe give you an update if and when I start to feel better.
Love you all.

Originally Posted by Drewstraws

The situations you brought up almost sounds like. "Well now its his turn."

I’m not sure I understand what you mean here. Are you saying I gave you those examples as a “gotcha” moment? Like I was listing bad stuff done by men just because you’ve been talking about bad stuff done by women?
I'm sorry if it sounded like that, but that’s not what I meant at all. I was trying to point out that this kind of horrible stuff happens on both sides – to men and women, by men and women.
I’m saying it’s about the professionals involved in your stories being unprofessional, immature and downright pathetic. I was just trying to point that out with a few examples where men were the ones being unprofessional, immature and downright pathetic.

Originally Posted by Drewstraws

Generalizing men are all jerks or some of my friends trashing women just make this a long war of attrition. It extends it painfully for everybody.

I never made any generalizations about all men being jerks.
The only generalization I made about men in my posts was about the communication issue – and I acknowledged it as a generalization.
The stuff about your friends trashing women was in your post – I just quoted it. Maybe I just read this sentence wrong, I don’t know.

Regardless, I hope you get the help that you’re looking for from your therapist. Good luck with everything.

Originally Posted by Fallen1

And yes, it is a real shame that a few bad apples (in both genders) can spoil it for everyone.

Jeez, look at that. You said in one simple sentence what I've been trying to say in all of my rambling posts.

Thanks, Fallen1.

Originally Posted by Drewstraws

Sorry, I only wanted to bring up the bad doctor thing. As in "That happened to your friend, but look at what these guys did." Thats how it sounded to me.

Okay. I think I understand what you meant. I guess you thought I was competing with you over who has had it worse, men or women. I assure you that wasn't my intention, but I guess you know that now.

Originally Posted by Drewstraws

Women are mistreated all the time and it is wrong but they IMO are stronger and more well organised to handle the situations.

If they are "more well organised" I think it's because most women communicate better than most men, this goes back to the communication issue that started this thread.

Originally Posted by Drewstraws

It is harder to climb up when you are at rock bottom in your heart and from societies viewpoint than if you have great support around you and from within. Look at where we are. A women's site.

I agree, I've been there, and sometimes I find myself trudging back there. I've hit rock bottom, too. Depression, stress and anxiety are horrible and very debilitating. At one point, I didn't leave the house for 11 months; I cut my own hair and had things delivered to me. Like you, I didn't get much in the way of support, either. I think the family and friends in my life were more enabling to my depression and anxiety than anything else. I don't think they knew what to do, so they did nothing.
I went looking for help on the internet, reading countless articles, and lurking on a variety of forums. Men's forums are mostly worthless when it comes to issues of substance, any real substance on those forums is rare.

Originally Posted by Drewstraws

So many men, me included think poorly of themselves.

That's true, we do. But women go through those things too.
You're not alone in what you are going through. I know it feels like you are, I felt the same way for a long time. This forum helped. The articles I read all over the internet helped.
Heck, if I can crawl out of that dark abyss then I think anyone can.
Good luck with everything.

Hi Fallen1,
Thanks for the reply. I grew up in large family myself. No Birds and the bees or even relationship talks either. Not knowing did more damage than good. I am bothered by my years of floundering (spelling?) , and lost precious time trying to figure out things on my own. These recent years have been brutally tough. Figured a lot out but feel my time has past. For those that maybe followed my story, I went to therapy earlier today and it was ok for a while but the therapist went into the whole god thing at the end which I should have seen coming. (The clinic said they used some religious topics in the treatment.) I helped some but I still have a way to go. I am not sure what I will see in my next relationship. All I know is that I am not happy and can't pinpoint it.
Hanging in there and keeping my head up. (some of the time)
I hope all is warm and fuzzy with all of you.
Thanks again Fallen1. I hope your partner gets all fuzzy with you.