Dating guys with kids?

**lauralight** · 01-15-2008, 01:07 AM

I'm not used to dating guys with kids, and some are more protective than others. I know there's a continuum here. I have not had kids and don't plan on it, but have extensive knowledge of childcare/development from my work and education. I'm still not sure how to approach a guy and ask him about how or what he's comfortable with when it comes to dating around his kids.(I guess my first experience was kind of an overreactive guy)so now I'm nervous about how the next guy is going to act/think.

**metalbudderfly** · 01-15-2008, 10:17 AM

hey lauralight,
well i never dated any guys who had children before i had children. i know from experience it can be a hard situation to deal with. i'm now a stepmother and it is difficult for me due to the fact i have very different opinions on how to raise kids compared to my hubby. it has been an ongoing topic of our fights. you might run across those types of problems. people can be very protective over their own children. i'm sure not all men are going to be like that but they have raised their kids a certain way and it is hard to be open to suggestion from others. well i hope i helped a little with this.......

**sweetie27** · 01-16-2008, 02:35 AM

I have dated a few guys with kids. It is difficult at first. I find that I am usually the more protective one. I don't want to meet the kids unless it is a serious relatio

**sweetie27** · 01-16-2008, 02:37 AM

I have dated a few guys with kids. It is difficult at first. I find that I am usually the more protective one. I don't want to meet the kids unless it is a serious relationship. I don't think kids understand the consept of "dating". From what I have sadly seen, its more like "is she gonna be my new mommy?" I try to let the guy decide when he is ready to introduce me. Then I am just myself. I'm sure it will be fine if you just talk to him. You need to do that if you are going to be in a relationship anyway!!!

**sweetie27** · 01-16-2008, 02:39 AM

sorry for the broken message. The cat stepped on the keyboard. Don't you hate it when that happens. He says hi too!

Curious4info · 01-19-2008, 08:07 AM

Okay firstly, good onya for giving a bloke with a kid half a go.
(At least he is taking responsibility for his own)

For all you people out there who said "oh i would never date someone with kids", I hope, nay prey that you never get into a bad relationship or marriage where children are involved and the relationship ends through no fault of your own cause your partner has a lack of morals.

Met my now Ex-partner, they had 2 children aged 1 and 2, the other parent was not in thier lives, so for me it was an easy decission to make, (**** it, poor kids always the ones who get the short end of the stick) it was a little tricky at first, but once it got serious in the relatioship things started to smooth out. It doesnt matter how involved you get with the kids as someday the person in spite will remind you even after many years, that they are not your children and you dont have a say in the matter.

Thats the bigest down side, I have now found myself single and raising an 11 year old. I dont realy blame women/men for not wanting to date people with children from a previous relationship. Its not BAGGAGE you halfwits its just a whole lot more complicated.

God knows I wouldn't put myself through that again, (yes but I am not a hypocryte)
Wouldnt date someone with kids and wouldn't expect anyone else to date me with my son. (they move out eventualy)

I think it depends on the parent and what you as a person want out of the relationship.
The other lady was correct with the dicipline and how you go about it, however, if you are in a SERIOUS relationship with this person, then you should be helping to raise the child, (it takes a community to raise a child not just 2 parents, in thier case 1)

Well what ever you decide at least consider the poor childs position in all of this. That child oneday just might be your own..
Hope that helps you a tad

**lauralight** · 02-01-2008, 12:53 AM

I definetly won't push to come and see him when they are present, unless I'm invited. I also think that it should be a while so we've established something solid, if it becomes so before I'd be willing to come over and meet them and present a united front of any sort.

Laura

01-15-2008, 01:07 AM	#1
lauralight VIP Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Oregon Posts: 97	Dating guys with kids? I'm not used to dating guys with kids, and some are more protective than others. I know there's a continuum here. I have not had kids and don't plan on it, but have extensive knowledge of childcare/development from my work and education. I'm still not sure how to approach a guy and ask him about how or what he's comfortable with when it comes to dating around his kids.(I guess my first experience was kind of an overreactive guy)so now I'm nervous about how the next guy is going to act/think. __________________ Conscious Manifesting in rainy Oregon

01-15-2008, 10:17 AM	#2
metalbudderfly Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: utah Posts: 210	hey lauralight, well i never dated any guys who had children before i had children. i know from experience it can be a hard situation to deal with. i'm now a stepmother and it is difficult for me due to the fact i have very different opinions on how to raise kids compared to my hubby. it has been an ongoing topic of our fights. you might run across those types of problems. people can be very protective over their own children. i'm sure not all men are going to be like that but they have raised their kids a certain way and it is hard to be open to suggestion from others. well i hope i helped a little with this....... __________________ LYNNE

01-19-2008, 08:07 AM	#6
Curious4info Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 2	Dating Guys with kids Okay firstly, good onya for giving a bloke with a kid half a go. (At least he is taking responsibility for his own) For all you people out there who said "oh i would never date someone with kids", I hope, nay prey that you never get into a bad relationship or marriage where children are involved and the relationship ends through no fault of your own cause your partner has a lack of morals. Met my now Ex-partner, they had 2 children aged 1 and 2, the other parent was not in thier lives, so for me it was an easy decission to make, (**** it, poor kids always the ones who get the short end of the stick) it was a little tricky at first, but once it got serious in the relatioship things started to smooth out. It doesnt matter how involved you get with the kids as someday the person in spite will remind you even after many years, that they are not your children and you dont have a say in the matter. Thats the bigest down side, I have now found myself single and raising an 11 year old. I dont realy blame women/men for not wanting to date people with children from a previous relationship. Its not BAGGAGE you halfwits its just a whole lot more complicated. God knows I wouldn't put myself through that again, (yes but I am not a hypocryte) Wouldnt date someone with kids and wouldn't expect anyone else to date me with my son. (they move out eventualy) I think it depends on the parent and what you as a person want out of the relationship. The other lady was correct with the dicipline and how you go about it, however, if you are in a SERIOUS relationship with this person, then you should be helping to raise the child, (it takes a community to raise a child not just 2 parents, in thier case 1) Well what ever you decide at least consider the poor childs position in all of this. That child oneday just might be your own.. Hope that helps you a tad

02-01-2008, 12:53 AM	#7
lauralight VIP Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Oregon Posts: 97	Since...it's a new relationship I definetly won't push to come and see him when they are present, unless I'm invited. I also think that it should be a while so we've established something solid, if it becomes so before I'd be willing to come over and meet them and present a united front of any sort. Laura __________________ Conscious Manifesting in rainy Oregon

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01-16-2008, 02:35 AM	#3
sweetie27 VIP Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Mass Posts: 88	I have dated a few guys with kids. It is difficult at first. I find that I am usually the more protective one. I don't want to meet the kids unless it is a serious relatio

01-16-2008, 02:37 AM	#4
sweetie27 VIP Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Mass Posts: 88	I have dated a few guys with kids. It is difficult at first. I find that I am usually the more protective one. I don't want to meet the kids unless it is a serious relationship. I don't think kids understand the consept of "dating". From what I have sadly seen, its more like "is she gonna be my new mommy?" I try to let the guy decide when he is ready to introduce me. Then I am just myself. I'm sure it will be fine if you just talk to him. You need to do that if you are going to be in a relationship anyway!!!

01-16-2008, 02:39 AM	#5
sweetie27 VIP Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Mass Posts: 88	sorry for the broken message. The cat stepped on the keyboard. Don't you hate it when that happens. He says hi too!