Willowy

The question is: why do guys give all these signs to some girls if they are not interested? Or is just me? I’m that unlucky? Why not just talk “hey girl, could you help with your friend” at first, rather than made me think he had feelings for me?

I'm 33 and never had a proper boyfriend… as in a man interested in me, myself. I came from a difficult family… just for you to know, the last time my mother tried to be kind to me (12 years ago), she tried to stab me in the back with scissors. Besides that, I was never the boyfriendly girl: too skinny (yeah… there was a time where be skinny meant you were not desirable), ugly, smart and with an opinion… today add to this list that I'm fat. So, no chance to get a boyfriend ever. Despite all this, I was always popular with boys. They did every thing that makes a girl think the boy likes her: push, talk, be funny, all the body language stuff, which always ended with me thinking that they liked me and they asking me to present some of my "pretty girl friends" to them (all the theater was only to get my friendship so I could present the couple). Most of the time I felt as I was not a woman at all and I felt ****** and humiliated for thinking that the boy would like me… one day I just stop to think they did, thank God!

The first boy I ever kiss, did it to hide he was gay (since I did not went out very often, I did not know that). After him, there was this boy at school that gave every sign he liked me, but was interested in my friend. The worst was to hear from one other he did not want to date me because I was a virgin… so I was not good ever for sex!

Therefore, I quite with the boy need and started to plan my life for other things, be happy, but I met a man two years latter (at 21). Again, he gave me all signs and we started to date… them he broke up with me to go back to his ex… and I discovered he dated me just to make her jealous. That is the irony of things: every boy I ever met thought of me as a nothing, but their girlfriends (even ex) thought I was a threat to them. When my mother tried to stab me in the back just after I discovered it I went a little crazy myself and did some questionable things like try suicide and get myself involved with my ex. Well, I was the good girl all my life and God just forgot about me!

I ended up being his mistress. I did not wait him to fall for me or everything, but since he wanted to have sex with me I thought “why not? That’s my chance”… yeah, I liked him of course. I thought he would enjoy for a while, when the sex was still news, and after left me. The plan did not go well because he got attached to me (maybe I did a good sex after all) and only forgot me 5 years latter… yeah he forgot me. No bye, no letter, no word, no “honey, I’m going to buy cigarettes and come back latter”, no nothing… he just disappeared… took off. Many of you will tell that I got what I deserved for being the ‘other’, but I wanted to feel important and loved, even if it was not really true. I did not call him back or anything, since he was perfectly clear about his intentions and I did had my pride! I got on with my life, but decided to get far away from men (this was 7 years ago).

Them three years ago I’ve met this man when I spent some time in the USA (he is from Austria and I am Brazilian). We went to the university and lived in a house for international students. He treated me just like everybody else in the house and we did not talk much since my English was not that good. Then, one weekend we went to the Big Apple (NY) with other friends and I just felt like I was living a dream, kept running around and making fun of everything I saw (All is so huge!!!)... Macy’s, the store with the wheel, limousines… I think he thought I was a little crazy (I’m a funny person)... and he took me as his charge. He watched over me most of the time.

When we got back to the city where we were living, his behavior changed completely comparing with the one before the trip to NY. He did just like every other guy I’ve met. He was always around and kept asking me where I was or with whom, pushing, making fun, he loved to see me angry or aroused… and he always managed to make me mad… or smile. It was a big roller coaster. He wanted to know where I was… he did not like a guy I knew there named Claudio. We got attached to each other because Claudio was a chemistry like me and liked Formula One. One day we went to a party and I got drunk. He brought me back home, took to my room, helped to go to bed and came next morning to see if I was ok. A perfect gentleman!

He got curious about my persona, so much that he ever talked with his mother about me… how could I be so happy and funny and all. I have a heart condition and one day I talked about it with him and he started taking more care of me… you know, asking if I was ok if I did not blink my eyes enough or had a strong respiration (). When my father died, he helped me and said he did not like to see me sad and everything. According to the other people in the house, he sometimes asked for me if I was not around in the house at night. It was really sweet since I have never had anyone doing so. He was over protective and I did not really mind it. We talked about intimate things like career stuff or even love… something I have never understood since I never had it. He wanted to know more about me, but I don’t like to talk about my past, since there is nothing more than unhappy events to tell, which I feel ashamed, and I’m not the one to cry around over spilled tears. Past is past and its over! Besides, I survived everything, not without scratches, but I did and I had a really good life then… and today!

Of course I ended up having a crush at him (which I did not want), but kept myself cool most of the time since he never did anything to indicate he had any more than friendly feelings for me. But I got feed up one day and asked him right in the face if he liked me and he said no… he was just friend. I did not get disappointed or anything, but I had to be sure of it… I do not like to be in doubts about things. The funny is that everyone in the house were talking about our behavior and betting there was something really hot growing between us. They, like I’d do a long time ago, thought he had feelings for me. This was 3 years ago and we are still friends, although we are in our countries. He is still protective and always write to me to tell about him and ask about me, how is my health and everything. He keeps saying it would be good to see me again and talks about me going to his country and vice-versa. Since I love to travel I’d probably go to his place sometime soon.

After all, is like I asked in the beginning of this post. Why do guys give all these signs to some girls if they are not interested? His behavior would surely got a less attentive girl thinking wrong. I swear I won’t ever understand men!

C

Dear Willowy:

There is nothing wrong with you. It is just the fast life of the new world. Sometimes people do not stop and smell the roses and miss some of the neatest people around. You sound like such a nice person so stop selling yourself short. You say that you are fat, well honey then lose the weight. It will make you feel better about yourself.

As far as your past life, that is your past life. Think only of your future...First, my thoughts would be to stop looking for love. Just look for happiness. Happiness in a hobby or something that you love to do. Volunteer to do hospital work or things that bring you around people. You sound like a wonderful people person. Don't give yourself time to be lonely. That can be a drag. You say that people like you and I am sure that they do. Now give all the people a chance to know that wonderful woman that is inside you.

As far as men, it is a different world out there then when I was young. Many men and women get set into their own patterns of life early. Some decide that they do not want to marry. Marriage for many is very frightening. So many end in divorce so why try it...Look for friends to be friends and that is all. Stop looking for love. Let love find you. Treat each person as a buddy and let it go at that. If it is to take the turn and turn into something more then it will be a plus. Don't put yourself in a position to be knocked down. Don't expect something that is not there. Honey, it is all around us. People scared of taking the plunge in life.

My best advice to you as another woman would be to Masturbate daily. Keep yourself alive. Take the time to pleasure yourself because this will affect everything about you as a woman. This way when that right man does come along you will be a sexual woman and not a woman that has let herself dry up and does not know how love feels anymore.

I send you all my love and hopes that life is good to you....You take care and hugs from this end of the computer to your fingertips.

Caroline

CHANDLERS WISH

You are a survior.

NOTHING will bring you down.

You have had your fair share of pain and where you have truly never been loved from a man to a woman, you are now desperate to find.

The friend that you have. Is a form of true love. He has always loved you but not in a relationship way. He probably admires you, thinks your fun, strong and clearly misses you. That form of true love is a form and you are blessed with it.

As a fun person, people want to be around you. And if you have a friend that a male fancies, then he may befriend you in order to meet her but he does not know that you are seeking for love and that each man that shows any affection from what ever nature he shows it, will entice you to dream. So, you feel deflated when his intentions are that of another woman. But, his initial friendship may have been real.

A gay man always hides behind a woman. You just happened to have met one.

A married man who can not commit will always seek or accept a woman lover, he can not commit and you wouldn't want a man like that anyway.

At least you had 5 years of feeling wanted and that is what you desperately needed. I don't agree with going with a married man but i understand why you did it.

Your scars are hidden. I am woman, nothing will beat me, you will not take away my independence and i will find the love you couldn't give me.

But you will not and have not forgotten and i don't think we can.

I was told once:-

"You have never truly loved have you asked yourself why?

" So love is un-conditional that in which you have with your pets"

" He didn't love you? Didn't he"


You have to truly love yourself before other's can love you. As such you will stand so much taller, be so much happier inside yourself and project such happiness outside to the world for all to see.

You have every ingredient to be there, go there.

I am sorry for your pain. Some have felt it, perhaps not as deep as you but truly felt that pain.

Your thoughts of it doesn't matter i just want to know. It does matter you are seeking wanting.

I can only truly say. You are a woman, yet your inner child will still be a girl, it's exciting to be both.

If you feel fat, i agree with the previous post, then do something about it and watch yourself glow.

If you feel ugly, that's your interpretation only, but buy something that makes you feel beautiful.

If you feel sad, read something that makes you laugh.

If you feel sexual, then again i agree with the previous post, experience your body. You must also love your body and every part of it and discover yourself before someone else can discover you.

If you feel un-loved by a pet and be loved.

Learn to love you. She is a beautiful soul. She has a lot to give.

Once you truly learn to love your whole being, personally, physically, sexually, i would say "watch out world" because here she comes.

People will stare at you in the street. Women will want to know your secret. Men will see the glow and beauty within. Then you can decide who you want instead of seeking from all that walks your way, because you will be stronger, and let me tell you, you are strong and brave but you will be so much stronger and as a result, confident+....

Then see where they journey takes you.

Go deep into your inner self and let her really out.....

Take care.

Willowy

Hi! Thank you for your wonderful words! Don't get me wrong. I'm not out here looking for love . I stopped it a long time ago. And even if I were I wouldn't since I developed some kind of block to men... at least in the romantic way. My brain associated love with pain and I won't go there again. I've learn that love can be much more destructive than constructive. Besides, I have a really nice life to be in that again.

I'm also not talking bad about my figure, but simply making a statement. I'm that girl and I like her very much, even if she is fat and ugly, because she is also strong and mindful, she is me after everything I went through. but I know that men don't.... as it was said, in the romantic way. So, it is good for me to know were I stand.

Of course there is something wrong with me, since this happened with every single man I had ever liked. But, I don't want to know what is it. The only thing that bugs me is about men who approach me, make all the body language stuff, and then, after some time, state that they want to meet one of my friend. Why not just act like a friend? Why do the mind game if they did not want me? Why not come and say "hey, could you help me with your friend"? Or I have the pheromone to attract this kid of men... hey, maybe they see me with white diapers, curly hair (which I have) and an arrow in the hand.

It is cruel to do so if you are not interested in the person (being man or woman) and, in this case, only supports my thoughts that men are the most selfish being in Earth.

As for the masturbation... want you think I did when I discovered my sexuality and had not anyone to share it? It has been like this always... even when I was with the married guy.

Kisses

Willowy.

Willowy

Hi! Thank you for your wonderful words! Don't get me wrong. I'm not out here looking for love . I stopped it a long time ago. And even if I were I wouldn't since I developed some kind of block to men... at least in the romantic way. My brain associated love with pain and I won't go there again. I've learn that love can be much more destructive than constructive. Besides, I have a really nice life to be in that again.

I'm also not talking bad about my figure, but simply making a statement. I'm that girl and I like her very much, even if she is fat and ugly, because she is also strong and mindful, she is me after everything I went through. but I know that men don't.... as it was said, in the romantic way. So, it is good for me to know were I stand.

Of course there is something wrong with me, since this happened with every single man I had ever liked. But, I don't want to know what is it. The only thing that bugs me is about men who approach me, make all the body language stuff, and then, after some time, state that they want to meet one of my friend. Why not just act like a friend? Why do the mind game if they did not want me? Why not come and say "hey, could you help me with your friend"? Or I have the pheromone to attract this kid of men... hey, maybe they see me with white diapers, curly hair (which I have) and an arrow in the hand.

It is cruel to do so if you are not interested in the person (being man or woman) and, in this case, only supports my thoughts that men are the most selfish being in Earth.

As for the masturbation... what you think I did when I discovered my sexuality and had not anyone to share it? It has been like this always... even when I was with the married guy.

Kisses

Willowy.[/quote]

CHANDLERS WISH

Then i think you have answered your own question.

If you have given up on romance and love. Do you not think that with words, body language, expressions that this is seen from the man who is befriending you?

What you put out you get back.

So, they move on to the next girl, or find your friend more attractive or be-friend you as a friend.

Don't possibly know why anyone can be happy with love of their life and themselves only without still persisting and being determined to find that "true love and happiness as a couple".

Best wishes and i'm glad that your a sexual deviate

Willowy

Yeah. I did, but only after the married guy (7 years ago). So, I had 26 years of hope that someone would look at me and see something worth it, but It never happened and I got tired of let downs to care about love anymore. As I told it was the best I did because now I'm happy.

But still it bugs me guys who gave signs of something they don't feel.

C

Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with you....You just have not connected with the right guy...In my world a guy finds a girl and likes her...He may move on and date again but eventually something will draw him back to her...It just happens...I have a few friends that have gone this route....

True love grows...It just doesn't happen overnight...I guess if I really thought about it, I wonder what my husband saw in me years ago...I sure was not the most popular girl in the class...He was a very, very big jock....Great looking and my sailor home on leave...First night on leave, I found out he had a date with the stewardess...After we were dating, I would see my friends and they would say you are dating WHO...........yet he fell in love with me and we are like peas and carrots......You never know what is right around the corner.........Don't give up but don't plan on it happening.....Let romance find you and I am sure you are not fat....Sometimes someone can diet and get thin and think that they are too darn cute and expect the world...Be yourself...That is what someone will fall in love with....TC, C

CHANDLERS WISH

(Ah but they do in their mind!!!!!!) that is a lot are players, not meaning to be and meaning to be:-

I have written a new post perhaps you should read it.....

I was still a believer:- And i met 3 in a row, wow deflating hey!

One was even calling me darling, sweetheart, miss you, all the words i needed to hear. Now:-

For him it was what he needed, to be able to feel that again as he was missing his ex, so we met in person, as he was interstate and he went all shy and friendly and i was so confused, what? But i thought?

For another it was him trying to seduce, saw that it wasn't working and probably went onto the next girl, but he would send text messages that were pertained to really wanting to see me, whilst in a crowded room of women he could take his pick but he wanted to see me... Ahhhh. Nup, i saw straight through the dates, when strawberries and champagne came into the picture and the "art of seduction" i had read about, to be on my toes showed straight through.... ha ha to him.


For the other it was, he was insecure and didn't think someone like me would really stay with him if i really knew the person he was, in secure, he would have been correct. And, that one is a good friend, much like your friend.

But each and every one gave me the "sign" of wanting "me" and then not. And no relationship developed, and i was shattered because i so desperately was ready for it, wanting it.

Like you, i gave up. But only for a short time to get my bearings and i blossomed with confidence, you "can't have me" entered my voice, mind, and it showed everywhere i went.

All of a sudden, the first guy, tried to woe me, the second, forget him he was dangerous, the third, realised it was me he had actually wanted all the time and wished we weren't just friends.

And, for me, i found a gorgeous guy that i am madly in lust with and i'm getting so much attention that it's not funny, or that i could ever have dreamed of in every direction i desire and want and need.

IMAGINE therefore, you are me, we were on the same journey and i have seen it a dozen times before i married as well with me, just as you are telling the story.

You are normal absolutely those thoughts are normal i wish we could go into the mind of a man but alas we are women.

But don't give up and don't look, as Caroline has said, it will happen, and who knows who he is, where he lives, or when....

Just smile with the knowledge that all single women who have not been married a life time would have and have experienced it as well and posed the question why? Even those who have been married for a long time may have had it happen to them before they married from men and asked why?

Never give up, and enjoy your life sounds like your still having fun and fun by yourself. He'll come along.

Willowy

Thank you! In my mind I know it all, but I feel like there is a big difference between me and single woman. The ones I know get attention, you know, they always get attention from men... dates and everything, even if it did not work out later.

It never happened to me. I mean... I am 33 and was never... never... never... asked out on a date... even to the ice cream. Sometimes I kind of got curious how it would be if a man got really interested in me. But I really don't think it could happen.

The worst is not have a man, but I've always thought I would have a family, since things were not right with mine. I always thought that by my age today I would have at least two babies around...and the near I got of it was to loose one. I got pregnant of the married man and had a natural miscarriage.

You see... it all points to a life of solitude. Maybe that is it.

I'm sorry to bother since I'm not this hopeless always. Most of the time I'm ok with everything around me, but sometimes I really need to get my feelings out.

Really thank you to hear.... well, read me!