confused... please help.

rocknrollqueen:) · 06-09-2008, 08:57 AM

hello, everyone. i am 17 years old. i have been friends with this guy for a really long time. we've gone to the same church since we were little, then we went to the same middle school. i didn't see him for a long time because i went off to a private high school, and i stopped going to church as well.

i recently saw him at an event at his school, and i had no idea how much i missed him. he's really involved in music, so he invited me to a couple of his concerts for the school and a local youth orchestra.

my problem is that i think i like him as more than a friend, but i'm not sure. also, i can't really tell if he only wants me to be a friend or not. i'd rather have a friend than not have him at all. i'm afraid that if i ask him on a date and he doesn't want to, it would be too awkward for us to talk at all. on top of that, i lack any experience with this sort of thing. i have never had a boyfriend, and i go to an all-girls school.

i'm also wondering if a relationship would be worth it since i get pretty busy during the school year, and we'll both be going off to college in a year plus a few months.

any advice would be welcomed and appreciated!!!!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-09-2008, 02:50 PM

At the moment, i wouldn't say or do anything.

You've just become re-aquainted.

He may have invited you out of excitement of what he does, feeling proud..

A man should ask the woman for the "first date"

And, you should endevour to simply show signs by simple low key, laid back flirting, whilst not coming across as "you really like him", just simple smiles, laugh at his jokes, smile as you turn and walk away, saying good bye.

Considering you don't really know either, whether it's him that you missed or the little lady coming out, just take it for what it is at the moment, use your little magic if you start to see a different sign within yourself that says you do like him, but the simple smiles and walking away..

If he likes you back in a different way you'll intreague him and he'll think of something else to ask, like a drink or coffee after the band practise.

CW

**mmtgal** · 06-10-2008, 04:09 AM

I agree with chandlers wish. The first date should be initiated by the guy. If you tell him or initiate the date you might come across as desperate & should be ready for both reactions (rejection and acceptance). As a woman it's not very is for us when we like someone because it has always been like this: that the guy approaches the guy

. But give him hints/signs & if he fails to see..........in my situation I let him go because we were going to varsity in the few coming months. But I am not you hey...

. You can act differently

**talk time** · 06-10-2008, 07:44 AM

What constitutes a date.

He has asked you to some of his concerts, does that not constitute a date of sorts? or at least a pre date.

I do agree with the other input though. Let him ask you out but sutly let him know your interested.

Just have some fun and enjoy his company.
you said you have never had a boy friend this could be a pleasant little test run.

Good Luck

tt

rocknrollqueen:) · 06-10-2008, 10:14 AM

thank you all. i like this advice better than that of the other friend i asked, who said i should avoid him completely (yeah, right). i guess i'll just have to wait and see what happens.

**Franny&Zooey** · 06-12-2008, 11:54 PM

There are rules about a man asking a woman on the first date? Hm, I thought it was 2008.

If your friendship was great before, then continue to see him as just friends and wait a bit. Get to know him again, because things may have changed since you've been apart. Watch his body language when you're together, does his focus his body towards you? Is he rough, as in teases you/playfully punches, or gentle? Does he focus his attention/include you if you're in a group? If things as friends are good, then keep them that way. I find it mature that you considered your future plans in deciding if you'd like to date him, and if you do, I hope those plans are your top priorities. So, if you'd like to take it further, ask him what he would think about going on a date. It may be awkward if he doesn't feel the same, but if you're good friends, it should be overlooked after time. I know there are a lot of "if"s, unfortunately these things aren't cut and dry. My best advice? You're 17 years old, what do you have to lose?

**anonymouswhitefemale** · 06-13-2008, 05:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Franny&Zooey

There are rules about a man asking a woman on the first date? Hm, I thought it was 2008.

Agreed. And last time I heard, some women like shy guys. Well guess what? They aren't going to ask you out, because they're shy! Do everyone a favour and if you fancy someone, let them know.

Women seem to work on the assumption that men are either mind readers or masters of body language analysis, I'll just say now, for the record, that very few of us are. Life would be simpler if you'd be direct.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-13-2008, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Anon
Women seem to work on the assumption that men are either mind readers or masters of body language analysis, I'll just say now, for the record, that very few of us are. Life would be simpler if you'd be direct.

Yeah but not all guys like "forward" women.. Some guys find a touch of shyness "cute".. Body language is an art, granted, but a good one if you know how... And, if a woman is "direct", this is what I want... she might get rejected? So, can't see the harm in playing a little to ascertain the next move, or whether there's interest and bugger, we luvvvvee being courted, hehe...

CW

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-13-2008, 07:10 PM

PS: "The thrill of the chase"... come on Anon, you know you love it, last time i recall a woman walking up to you wanting a pash, you ran... hehehe..

CW

rocknrollqueen:) · 06-17-2008, 03:50 PM

wow this whole thing feels more like a science. i think im thinking too much. anyway im going on a two week trip soon, so a first date right before that wouldn't make sense. i'll just give it a good think while i'm gone. but yeah i totally was not aware (or maybe i forgot?) about a rule stating who asks who out. i guess guys usually ask the girls to dance (which he asked me

) but i hadnt even considered whether or not that would make him less comfortable.

06-09-2008, 08:57 AM	#1
rocknrollqueen:) Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: east coast, USA Posts: 11	confused... please help. hello, everyone. i am 17 years old. i have been friends with this guy for a really long time. we've gone to the same church since we were little, then we went to the same middle school. i didn't see him for a long time because i went off to a private high school, and i stopped going to church as well. i recently saw him at an event at his school, and i had no idea how much i missed him. he's really involved in music, so he invited me to a couple of his concerts for the school and a local youth orchestra. my problem is that i think i like him as more than a friend, but i'm not sure. also, i can't really tell if he only wants me to be a friend or not. i'd rather have a friend than not have him at all. i'm afraid that if i ask him on a date and he doesn't want to, it would be too awkward for us to talk at all. on top of that, i lack any experience with this sort of thing. i have never had a boyfriend, and i go to an all-girls school. i'm also wondering if a relationship would be worth it since i get pretty busy during the school year, and we'll both be going off to college in a year plus a few months. any advice would be welcomed and appreciated!!!!

06-09-2008, 02:50 PM	#2
CHANDLERS WISH WH Head Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 12,656 Blog Entries: 8	At the moment, i wouldn't say or do anything. You've just become re-aquainted. He may have invited you out of excitement of what he does, feeling proud.. A man should ask the woman for the "first date" And, you should endevour to simply show signs by simple low key, laid back flirting, whilst not coming across as "you really like him", just simple smiles, laugh at his jokes, smile as you turn and walk away, saying good bye. Considering you don't really know either, whether it's him that you missed or the little lady coming out, just take it for what it is at the moment, use your little magic if you start to see a different sign within yourself that says you do like him, but the simple smiles and walking away.. If he likes you back in a different way you'll intreague him and he'll think of something else to ask, like a drink or coffee after the band practise. CW __________________ Women are Angels And when someone breaks our wings.... We simply continue to fly.........on a broomstick... We are flexible like that .... White Witch. Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

06-10-2008, 04:09 AM	#3
mmtgal VIP Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 34	I agree with chandlers wish. The first date should be initiated by the guy. If you tell him or initiate the date you might come across as desperate & should be ready for both reactions (rejection and acceptance). As a woman it's not very is for us when we like someone because it has always been like this: that the guy approaches the guy. But give him hints/signs & if he fails to see..........in my situation I let him go because we were going to varsity in the few coming months. But I am not you hey.... You can act differently

06-13-2008, 07:10 PM	#9
CHANDLERS WISH WH Head Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 12,656 Blog Entries: 8	PS: "The thrill of the chase"... come on Anon, you know you love it, last time i recall a woman walking up to you wanting a pash, you ran... hehehe.. CW __________________ Women are Angels And when someone breaks our wings.... We simply continue to fly.........on a broomstick... We are flexible like that .... White Witch. Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

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06-10-2008, 07:44 AM	#4
talk time Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 173	What constitutes a date. He has asked you to some of his concerts, does that not constitute a date of sorts? or at least a pre date. I do agree with the other input though. Let him ask you out but sutly let him know your interested. Just have some fun and enjoy his company. you said you have never had a boy friend this could be a pleasant little test run. Good Luck tt

06-10-2008, 10:14 AM	#5
rocknrollqueen:) Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: east coast, USA Posts: 11	thank you all. i like this advice better than that of the other friend i asked, who said i should avoid him completely (yeah, right). i guess i'll just have to wait and see what happens.

06-12-2008, 11:54 PM	#6
Franny&Zooey VIP Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Atlanta, GA, USA Posts: 74	There are rules about a man asking a woman on the first date? Hm, I thought it was 2008. If your friendship was great before, then continue to see him as just friends and wait a bit. Get to know him again, because things may have changed since you've been apart. Watch his body language when you're together, does his focus his body towards you? Is he rough, as in teases you/playfully punches, or gentle? Does he focus his attention/include you if you're in a group? If things as friends are good, then keep them that way. I find it mature that you considered your future plans in deciding if you'd like to date him, and if you do, I hope those plans are your top priorities. So, if you'd like to take it further, ask him what he would think about going on a date. It may be awkward if he doesn't feel the same, but if you're good friends, it should be overlooked after time. I know there are a lot of "if"s, unfortunately these things aren't cut and dry. My best advice? You're 17 years old, what do you have to lose?

06-17-2008, 03:50 PM	#10
rocknrollqueen:) Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: east coast, USA Posts: 11	wow this whole thing feels more like a science. i think im thinking too much. anyway im going on a two week trip soon, so a first date right before that wouldn't make sense. i'll just give it a good think while i'm gone. but yeah i totally was not aware (or maybe i forgot?) about a rule stating who asks who out. i guess guys usually ask the girls to dance (which he asked me ) but i hadnt even considered whether or not that would make him less comfortable.