my future...

C · 06-17-2008 10:41 AM

Originally Posted by Nerd

I feel that is a rather narrow opinion. For factual information about alcoholism and it's medical definition and symptoms/signs:

From what the OP wrote about this person, it sounds like he is rather responsible and has his life in order. I think it is unfair to assume that he is an alcoholic.

The main thing that sticks out of the OP is that she has no mention of how SHE feels about HIM. Sounds like there isn't any emotional involvement and she's hoping for some fun on his tab.

She brought this problem forward...She is afraid because he is a drinker...Is he a social drinker or a casual drinker?...Why does she worry? Does this happen every night or just once in a while? A person can be an alcoholic when he only does this on weekends? He can wait all week long to get his fix...If there is one thing I know it is alcoholism....Comes with many faces...Destroyer of lives...I am saying things that this woman has to look for....She is talking about going out of State with a man who she loves but she is seeing the sign of caution in front of her...I would be neglect to shut my mouth and say nothing...So I won't...I am not on here to make friends but to make a point....That is just the way I live.

**anonymouswhitefemale** · 06-17-2008 03:49 PM

Originally Posted by CarolineWH

She brought this problem forward...She is afraid because he is a drinker...Is he a social drinker or a casual drinker?...Why does she worry? Does this happen every night or just once in a while? A person can be an alcoholic when he only does this on weekends? He can wait all week long to get his fix...If there is one thing I know it is alcoholism....Comes with many faces...Destroyer of lives...I am saying things that this woman has to look for....She is talking about going out of State with a man who she loves but she is seeing the sign of caution in front of her...I would be neglect to shut my mouth and say nothing...So I won't...I am not on here to make friends but to make a point....That is just the way I live.

She mentioned that he drunk, but didn't explain at all to what extent that was... Without the OP coming back and explaining further, which I doubt will happen since we pretty much all called her a prostitute, we will never know.

And no, a person who only drinks on weekends is 99% likely not an alcoholic. I have no problems with saying what you think, but you're jumping to conclusions from basically no information, and coming across a little ignorant at the same time. I would be neglect not to say that I think you are being over the top, because if the OP read what you had written and always believed what she read, she might be causing problems with herself and somebody else for no reason whatsoever.

**lovemyself1** · 06-18-2008 12:25 AM

Nerd:
i'm not looking to have fun on his tab...i dont need a man to take care of me. i'm a single woman that has a great career and i own my own home. i'm just looking to have fun in general.

CarolineWH: i worry cuz my ex husband was a drinker. not to the point of being an alcoholic but to the point of where it effected our relationship. this new guy knows how i feel about the drinking, but i'm not asking him to change anything about himself at this point. i do really care for him. when he does drink or get drunk, he is happy, funny, not violent or anything like that. i understand what you are saying and i appreciate your advise...i really do. i'm just wondering if this is my time to just do something a little crazy, but still have a plan B. i dont plan on like selling my home or anything like that.

anon: why would i think you people think i'm a prostitute? i know i'm not...i'm in a relationship, and i'm asking for advise. some is great and some people here are just mean and quick to judge. i liked this site cuz it felt like a place where noone would judge you when you have a problem, or concern. my opinion is changing quickly though.

thank you to those that actually tried to help and offered good advice.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-18-2008 03:13 AM

Tracie, if you come back

AND you should...

I took the attitude you did... I was in what i thought and called, "a relationship", long distance.

I work, own my own business and house as well....

And, i took a gamble - have fun?

WORSE scenario or enter phase two, no expectations.

My gamble paid of, i had FUN

and then some and i am entering phase two....

Hense why i said, go for it, you have nothing to lose, you have your house to come back to.

If my guy said, bugger it, come and live here... I'd sell my house, lease my business and go...

Because, i've nothing to lose... neither do you...

You were sharing your feelings and thoughts, mentioned he was financially secure but in a context that also added that you liked him, he seems to maybe want to ask you to live with him, you are financially secure you own your own home...

Nothing wrong with going in with an open mind, this will work, or i'll have fun and why not i deserve it.

You should see how i interperate sometimes, it usually is so much clearer when a threader replies and adds more

It's good here... Stay....

And go............................enjoy.

If he's a happy man drunk and with a drink, then he's not like your ex, assuming he wasn't.

I have a drink after work as i work 24/7 including here... lol... all in all, many hours... It's relaxing.

Take Care....

CW

**anonymouswhitefemale** · 06-18-2008 04:14 AM

Originally Posted by lovemyself1

anon: why would i think you people think i'm a prostitute?a great career and i own my own home. i'm just looking to have fun in general.

People basically thought that because of perhaps 4 nice things you had to say about this guy three of them were that he was rich. It's good that you aren't just after his money, but reread your first post and you'll see why we all assumed you were...

Originally Posted by lovemyself1

but i'm not asking him to change anything about himself at this point.

I'm not sure if that's the best way to get into a relationship. Are you just going to try to get into a position where you feel you have more power over him and then try to get him to give up alcohol? Men don't like to be changed. You need to think about whether you can deal with it now, without getting into the relationship thinking that you can just 'change' it later.

C · 06-18-2008 08:52 AM

[quote=lovemyself1;42432]
CarolineWH: i worry cuz my ex husband was a drinker. not to the point of being an alcoholic but to the point of where it effected our relationship. this new guy knows how i feel about the drinking, but i'm not asking him to change anything about himself at this point. i do really care for him. when he does drink or get drunk, he is happy, funny, not violent or anything like that. i understand what you are saying and i appreciate your advise...i really do. i'm just wondering if this is my time to just do something a little crazy, but still have a plan B. i dont plan on like selling my home or anything like that.quote]

Please understand that I am not saying that all people that drink are alcoholics....You presented this red flag warning....I picked up on it...I am not a non- drinking person...My husband and I both drank when we were younger and still will have a drink if we care to..but I am saying does drinking rule his life?....Is this a necessary pleasure that he needs?....I am always suspicious of something that alters their personality and come Friday night the "happy person" finds themselves to spread their joy.

Don't sell your home...Nor don't be in a hurry to change your life or way of living... A woman like you is NOT a dime a dozen.. You are special....Just remember this and go from there....I wish you all the luck in the world...Take care, Caroline

**lovemyself1** · 06-19-2008 09:17 PM

cw: thank you for your support

anon: i never said he was rich...i said he had his finances in order, that i really like him, and that he is a hard worker. so no...money isn't the only thing on my mind! as for what i said about being able to put up with his drinking for now is that if our relationship were to develop into a long-lasting loving one...if i brought my concerns to him, he should care enough to want to cut down on his drinking. i'm not a naive 17 year old girl that thinks she can change any man...no. i dont want to do that and i dont.

caroline: thank you very much for your support and telling me that i am not a dime a dozen. i appreciate that.

take care

**anonymouswhitefemale** · 06-20-2008 06:42 AM

Originally Posted by lovemyself1

normally i would just walk away and thats that. but with him -

he is a hard worker,
makes great money,
has his finances in order
( i mean really in order)
he has no debt.

so i'm ok with drinking being his only downfall for now.

That's all you said about him, there's not much room for interpretation.

As for not being naive, well, in a way you are being. You might not be naive enough to assume that you can change him as soon as you waltz into his life, but you are continuing the relationship on the basis that as soon as you can change him, you will - and that without this long term goal of change the relationship might not be tennable.

So I believe everything I said still applies.

Thread: my future...

LinkBack

Thread Tools

Search Thread

Display

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions