my future...
ok, here is my story.
i've been dating this guy for a bit, i really like him, but he is a drinker. normally i would just walk away and thats that. but with him, he is a hard worker, makes great money, has his finances in order ( i mean really in order) he has no debt. so i'm ok with drinking being his only downfall for now.
the prob is he lives in alabama, i live in wisconsin, he is up here for work til the end of summer. so if things work out this summer, i think he might ask me to move with him...
i have my own home but i wouldnt sell it. so i would have to work that out so i could keep it.
my question is...should i move with him? or just take it as a summer fling and nothing more. i know he really likes me, he keeps bringing up how much i would like it back where he lives.
i'm the kind of person that is afraid to do this, but what have i got to lose? i think i should take the chance and explore, even if it didnt work, it would be a great adventure.
what do you gals think??
Smile...it's not so bad.
THINK you answered your own question..lovemyself1
i'm the kind of person that is afraid to do this, but what have i got to lose? i think i should take the chance and explore, even if it didnt work, it would be a great adventure.
What do you have to lose? You have your house to come back to, and if you like him as well, then you'll have more than an adventure...
I'd go for it.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
I think that your potential man being financially secure should take a back seat to a personal connection, love/relationships aren't contracts to get you the best pay. If you don't like him drinking, then it's best that you get out of his way, the last thing a guy wants to put up with is his woman nagging him about one of the few things he actually enjoys - that, in the end, will lead to the relationship becoming untennable, and it will end. Better now than later.
The drinking seems an issue. /is it very excessive and what does he do when he drinks? My partner works away and when he is home he likes to drink as he doesn't get the chance when away. He does drink every day but is good natured and doesn't make bad choices like drink and drive or getting really drunk. This is ok for me as it is his down time thing, but you needd to decide if it is ok for you!!! It is unreasonable for you to think that it will change unless he wants to so is it something you can live with. It sounds like he makes good choices in the other areas of his life.
I would go and have an adventure but may be wise to have a plan B.
Good luck
tt
The only positive I see you mention is that he has money. There are a lot of men that fit that bill that are not drinkers. You don't say that you feel a special attraction for him, or that he is good to you (maybe he is).
Seeing that I am more familiar than anyone here with Wisconsin, and am able to compare this State to Alabama, I would say stay right where you are...We have traveled extensively throughout the United States, and down South is far from my favorite place...But this is just my opinion....I would not move there for anything....Period..
Now for the drinking....This is a problem...Bigger than big...He shows all the signs of an alcoholic....The only thing that had not been said until now was the word....Alcoholic......
Take care, Caroline
He shows all the signs of being an alcoholic? All she said about him "drinking" was this:Originally Posted by CarolineWH
Which could mean nothing more than he likes a couple of beers after work, which is nothing like alcoholism, so I think you're building rather large assumptions here. Anywhere outside the bible belt a glass of wine with dinner doesn't mean alcoholism..
When someone has to have a turn on such as alcholol to relax, it is a problem...I am far from the bible belt...I have had my share of hang overs and know what drinking is....Probably more than anyone as I lived with someone like this in my family as I grew up...
Then there are the people that look for excuses to drink and smoke weed and weak things as a defensive motive in life...There are the strong and there are the weak....This is not a good thing...
I don't really think this is a debate for here, especially as the generation gap will just mean that we both get frustrated and don't fully understand each other.
However, I will vehemently disagree that anyone who has a drink or a smoke or a snort or whatever is a weak person. For example, English culture has pretty much been built on beer, and we had one of the greatest empires ever. It's common behaviour for people in England to go the pub after work to forget the worries of the day and relax doing something you enjoy... Does that mean everyone in England is weak?
People have things that they like to do to enjoy themselves, it's that simple.
I feel that is a rather narrow opinion. For factual information about alcoholism and it's medical definition and symptoms/signs:
From what the OP wrote about this person, it sounds like he is rather responsible and has his life in order. I think it is unfair to assume that he is an alcoholic.Early Signs of a Problem
Early signs of alcoholism include frequent intoxication, an established pattern of heavy drinking and drinking in dangerous situations, such as when driving. Other early signs of alcoholism include black-out drinking or a drastic change in demeanor while drinking, such as consistently becoming angry or violent.
Symptoms of Alcohol Abuse
The main symptom of alcohol abuse occurs when someone continues to drink after their drinking reaches a level that causes recurrent problems. Continuing to drink after it causes someone to miss work, drive drunk, shirk responsibilities or get in trouble with the law is considered alcohol abuse.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, IV, defines alcohol abuse as drinking despite alcohol-related physical, social, psychological, or occupational problems, or drinking in dangerous situations, such as while driving. The World Health Organization's International Classification of Diseases refers to "harmful use" of alcohol, or drinking that causes either physical or mental damage in the absence of alcohol dependence. In other words, alcohol abuse is any harmful use of alcohol.
Symptoms of Alcoholism
For someone who is alcoholic or alcohol dependent, the symptoms include all of those associated with alcohol abuse (above). But alcoholics also continue to drink in spite of all the problems it has caused in their lives.
When alcohol abuse reaches the alcohol dependence stage, the person also experiences at least three of seven other symptoms, including neglect of other activities, excessive use of alcohol, impaired control of alcohol consumption, persistence of alcohol use, large amounts of time spent in alcohol-related activities, withdrawal symptoms and tolerance of alcohol.
The main thing that sticks out of the OP is that she has no mention of how SHE feels about HIM. Sounds like there isn't any emotional involvement and she's hoping for some fun on his tab.
"Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong."
-George Carlin
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