Thread: Is he controlling, or am I over thinking it?

I don't think that's controlling at all. If it was a concern with the parents AND the boyfriend, something was wrong with the friend--especially if she agreed to follow your parent's and your boyfriend's rules. If she really thought it was unfair that she couldn't talk to her friend, she would have rebelled and talked to her anyway--no one's stopping her. She's 18 (right?). In relationships you DO have to put your friends on the back burner--especially if the relationship is serious. There's no point in being in a relationship if you're not willing to do that--otherwise, you wouldn't be moving anywhere and there would be constant competition with time usage between your friends and your significant other. Controlling behavior is a serious thing and should not be taken lightly--and definitely should not be easily tagged on small, insignificant, supposed signs. At the beginning of the relationship I am in, my boyfriend also didn't like one of my best friends--mostly because she had betrayed my trust (just as the situation in this post). After I complained to him several times about the situation, he wondered why I was still friends with her. In fact, out of PROTECTION (not control) he advised that I not stay friends with her. I considered his advice and agreed. Friends will come and go--just like relationships, but necessary balance and consideration of who makes you happy is essential.

Sounds bunk..
Take for a minute this:

If you have a puppet and want to put on a play, all you need to do is pick up the strings and go to town. If you want to add more dimension to your play, you add more strings to your puppet; say you start to control his hands and arms, instead of just his arms. Then you give him facial expression.

Now that your puppet has a full range of motion, you decide that you have too many strings to control all by yourself! So you get an assistant to help you. You teach that assistant how to control this puppet. You get them trained enough that you will be able to give this puppet, with all of it's strings to your assistant, and you could go sit in the audience and finally get to enjoy your own show from the viewing perspective.

Now that you get all of the thrill of watching your assistant put on the play, you feel that this element of autonomous play is not thrilling enough for you. So you seek out new ways to pass the time. You find that next door, there is a ventriloquist! You are absolutely mystified by this! So you wait until the end of the show and you agree that you will teach this Ventriloquist how to command your puppet, while he teaches you how to do Ventriloquism. It goes great! Now you are having him do your puppet show, and you are doing his Ventriloquist act. Life is good!

But what about your assistant? Now your assistant who you had doing your puppet show is out of work. So just like most people who are out of work, your assistant sits and listens to their thoughts all day for weeks on end. Over a long enough time, the thoughts become treacherous, they don't seem to make a whole lot of sense; but neither does you firing your assistant, after all, they were doing a good job! So your assistant can't help but wonder what else could have been? How might things have changed for the better?

Danger...

This little "story" contains all of the elements of a healthy functioning adult. And to each person, different aspects mean different things. To one person, the puppet might represent their close family, to another, it might represent their personal struggle for self-exploration.

Fortunately enough for you, your replies tell the whole story.
You are the Ventriloquist, not the Puppet-Master. Before you can master your story, the Puppet-Master pays you a visit and decides that you need to take over their show; along this path, you teach the PM how to run your show. Unfortunately, yours doesn't have enough experience to make it full of various dimensions.

In order for you to get back to master your show, you need to tell that PM to go back to his show and talk to his assistant. In order for your BF to be with you, he is unknowingly surrendering some part of his life. As a crux, he doesn't know how to act about it, and is resorting to what he does know; he might have learned commanding behaviour from his family, childhood/schoolyard trauma, etc. But in order for the two of you to grow as people, you need to take time apart.

If I would have read your posts sooner I would have recommended that you let him go see his parents without you. And you take some pottery classes. I don't know what you are in to, but you need to do some more soul searching before you decide that every relationship in your life, that you may ever have, that this one, any one will be the one that will last for all of your lives. You are 18... What makes this one relationship so special that you are willing to risk your sanity over it? Don't answer that. Read the story again and reflect on it. (I personally like meditation)

Granted, I have not read all the post on this but from what I have read. I'm sorry to say but he IS controlling. And Little is right you need to look up the signs of controlling behavior because having to check with him before you can talk to your friend, that is a sign. He'll check with your parents to make sure you didn't go around his back???? You are not allow to do this or that without his permission, WTH??? That is controlling. I'm sorry to say but from what I know of controlling people is that they tend to be abusive people as well. Maybe not physically but mentally is usually a givin. He accusess you of not loving him, that is on its way to mental abuse. He will destroy your self esteem and worth so that you are dependant on his direction to make your decisions. But in the end, it won't be your decisions anymore to make and it sounds like you are already there...

If you think I'm wrong let him look at your post and see what reaction you get....
I promise, it will not be a good one.