Okay. I think I may just be worrying for no reason, but my boy friend might be controlling..
He's great, I love him so much! It's just, he HAS to get his way, I can never win. He's really, really sweet, but.. My best friend in the whole world, doesn't like him, so he made me feel so bad, I've ignored her since December! I really miss her, and today I told him. I tried the best I could to explain it to him. She's mean to most people, but not to me. I was all she had, i loved her, and still do. He thinks it's absurd that I love her, and that I'm just too nice. I even cried, and he still said I couldn't be friends with her, he even said i can't do it behind his back either, cause he'll check with my parents. when I said: What! Are you serious? He said, OMG, you were planning that weren't you?! Then he rolled over, and tried ignoring me, and saying I don't love him, and that he can't believe i'd do that to him. Granted, he may have legit reasons for not liking Dani (bff), but can't I make my own mistakes, if he is right? I'm just so torn. I want to be her friend so bad, but I don't want to lose my boy friend either.. Help?

I wouldn't call that controlling on its own merit. It could also be "protection".. If he has stated that he would ask your parents then he may feel there is a reason why you should not "mix" with her.

You have said that he may have legitimate reasons for not liking Dani, they may be what? Mixes with the wrong crowds, drinks alot, drugs, doesn't have a steady man, but parties with alot of them?

No boyfriend wants his girlfriend to be associated with what they feel is a bad influence one for their own protection of their woman and two, their mates, and how they may perceive you.

If, it is just that she is nasty but not to you... then again, he may be protecting you, because lepoards don't change their spots, they turn eventually on everyone and thing.

He needs to "communicate with you" and explain why...

If this is his logic, can't blame him.

If it is just i don't like her, that's all there is to it, then he doesn't own you therefore, doesn't have the right to chose whom you associate with, nor you about him.

CW

You bring up amazing points.
There are reasons. he's told me them, but it's just tough for me.
I have medical issues. Had major surgery, was out of school for awhile, so Dani, was the only one that really cared about me. Yeah, she may be blunt, rude, and not as sheltered maybe. She had a tough life. She has issues. She was never mean to me, though. If she ever upset me, we would both cry about it. I really care about her. He's mad at her, because she broke my trust, because she was tricked, and I mis interpreted her. My family is mad at her. I'm allowed to talk to her, through my parents by the way. I'm 18. He meant by check with them, ask if I'm talking with her, so that he'll know. i wouldn't even post here, but my mom took my boy friends side. She thinks it's good that i'm not talking to dani, but her reason is totally irreverent. She's not THAT bad. We're kinda opposite, but so what. We kept each other in balance. Now, she has no one. I was the one who helped her thought her control issues with her boy friend, and when I had to ignore her, they broke up. i feel awful. I want to apologize so bad. I understand, that he doesn't want me to get hurt, but he should at least let me make the choice, and see. It's not like she's gonna hurt me. I don't know, it's just I've never seen him act that way, since today. I think he was actually mad at me, because I wouldn't agree, I was too stubborn he said. I know, he's only looking out for me, but he doesn't understand that it's actually hurting me, i'd rather make the mistake, and apologize to him, then be forced to not speak to her. I'm just worried, I don't want him mad at me, and i know he'll never budge on letting me be her friend.. =/

Firstly, you should post here. When you have feelings that you want to share, get opinions, one thing you have to i believe, learn is to take what you want from them, not as gospil so to speak but what seems relevant. So good for you

Secondly, she obviously from their minds is a "controlling person" and their fear may be to sway you the wrong way, age also makes adults scared, he may be frightened just on the level of her swaying your thoughts, perhaps even about him.

As for his request.. Well, he has to request, babe, i don't want you to because of this reason... not, you "can't"..

I understood the "checking with the parents thing", and as they are sided with his thoughts, he feels that he can and be told the truth.

It would truly hurt him, be disrespectful if you went against his wishes and non-trusting in a relationship, hense why he probably turned over.

Gee, i was like you at that age. But, but....

You see, a little bird who broke their wind and you helped her mend it.. You feel once you flew the nest, she fell out of the tree..

Not the case, sweet. She made her own decisions what happened happened.

Perhaps ask for a compromise... Ask if you can at least communicate via a phone, when he's around, to keep in touch, not to go out with her or hang out but you feel a soul connection there and it's killing you, point out his best mate and if that was broken, because you said, i don't want you to speak or see him anymore, how he would feel.

Communication is everything....

Everything.

You also, may not have been wrong with your "interpretation" at the time with her... if she has issues, she will always, you can't save the world, only try, (like me, lol)...

CW

Think i have too many posts for people to be concerned re double posting, otherwise, i'll find out soon.

I do think it's important to hold onto your friends.

I do think that we are individual people and consequently, ultimately, have to make our own decisions in life.

I don't think anyone has the right to chose our friends for us, it is our life, we are born once in this world.

If both your family and your boyfriend are " bent" there has to be a legitimate reason, one that they feel is important for you..

Even if you dissed her, at some stage, then retracted it, usually, people can see your way of explanation.

You may therefore, even need to speak openly to your parents as to why they feel this way, truthfully and to treat and look upon you as an adult in this particular situation..

Often with understanding we know the direction.

It's when we get half stories, or no replies to an importnat question we are left pondering.

Then what.. we don't ask?

You have to bite the bullet... Whether you like the answer or not, at least you know..

CW

You've really helped. I'm starting to see it from his point of view. I'm a really emotional person, so he just doesn't want me to get hurt. It's just it all built up today. Up until today, I was trying to figure out how to explain it to him. He said, if i could give a real reason, of why she acts the way she does, then he might change his mind, but what if that involves breaking a promise? Yes, she does make adults nervous, but only because she's so strong willed. She didn't influence me that much besides make me less shy. I know, she didn't lose her boyfriend just, cause I wasn't there, but I might have been a little bit of help. I guess, I just have to realize, that I can't help everyone, and I need to focus on what's most important to me. That's not dani, right now. I had to flat out tell her that a few months ago, very difficult. Yeah, he said it would hurt him, if i talked to her, without consulting him first, but it's not like I would. I doubt there can be a comprise. Dani wouldn't allow that, and neither would he. It'll be fine, once it's summer I can see him more. I think i miss her so much, because I was just so used to always having her with me.. I'm going to see him in 2 hours, so I'll talk to him on the 2 hour drive we have to see his family. Or maybe not, that wouldn't be fair. Sometime tomorrow. I'll talk to my mom about it, but that'll be even worse. She really doesn't have a reason, so I don't know what I would say. I know what you mean, ultimately it's my choice, but i'd need support either way, or at least a little. Thank you for all the help! It made me feel better that you can relate to me. ^^

Your welcome, and seeing as i am in Australia and i keep saying this, because everyone else is sleeping and there are some great people here, full of warm, compassion but also straight to the point type of personalities... I am only one. So, why not have a peek tomorrow?

You know, i'm second guessing here.

But, you made a statement there. You said " once it's summer i'll see him more"... Sometimes, we miss other people whom we are close to and can relate to if the someone special is not in our life. You may in-fact be missing him so much that you need her. Just, for your thoughts.

And, there you go. He's not controlling at all.. He wants honesty in a relationship, who doesn't... and why not.

Take care... Enjoy your 2 hr drive, with love and laughter okay, not discussion your smarter than you thought...

Tomorrow is another day for understanding.



CW