Thread: I love my alcoholic ex

My ex and I broke up in January after he pulled the whole "disappearing act" on me. A month afterwards he surfaced, apologizing to no end and claming he went on a month-long drinking binge after I went home for xmas break b/c he missed me so much. I felt horrible so I gave him a second chance and we started talking again. We didn't get back together, we were just friends.

The four months after that were great. I didn't get to see him much since we went to different schools, but we talked almost everyday on the phone. He's kind of a "macho" guy so his friends would ridicule him for talking to me so much, but that didn't seem to bother him. Things were great. We were even closer than while we were dating. He would send me sweet messages and check on how I was doing, just like old times.

Summer came and I had to move back home. The phone calls remained constant and he started flirting with me a lot more. At times he would offer to make the long drive to see me (but he never did). And every weekend around 4 in the morning he would call me (drunk) begging me to see him. Then one night he called me (drunk, of course) and said "I love you". Over the next few weeks I got several more drunk dials in which he repeated how much he loved me and needed to see me THAT MINUTE. "I love you, ok now come see me" was his method. When I told him that was impossible, I was in another state, he would ALWAYS get pissed off at me, hang up, and turn his phone off.

I secretly loved him too, but I was afraid to tell him because we weren't together and I was afraid he would disappear on me again. But I eventually broke down and told him. It was like once he had the satisfaction of knowing I loved him he used it against me. My feelings for him were like a big joke to him! The days after that conversation were absolute . All of a sudden he wouldn't return my calls or texts. If he did answer the phone it was for a few minutes and he would end the conversation to go out drinking with his friends. He always talked down to me, especially if they were around.

After a few weeks he returned back to "normal" so I assumed it was just a phase. Hoping to make things better between us, I offered to make the 6 hour drive to see him. He strung me along all week thinking he was ecstatic about it, only for him to tell me the night before that he was spending the weekend with his EX (THE ex = his first gf, his first LOVE) and that she had been hanging out with him everyday this summer. Then he hung up on me.

That was a little over a week ago and I'm still reeling from it. I told him he wasted his time AND mine by telling me he loved me. He hasn't contacted me at all since. Now I'm feeling bad and wondering if I was too harsh? Does anyone have any insight into what switched in his mind?!

Hi..I am a "recovering alcoholic with 19 and 1/2 years of sobriety. I only say that so that you can understand that my heart goes out to your friend and his struggle with alcohol. BUT!!YOU need to get yourself to a couple ( at least) ALANON meetings. Until you understand what you are dealing with he will continue to "use and abuse" you. If you find him soooo attractive that you continue to put up with this nonsense then even if you "give up" on him you will find another very much like him. So, for YOUR sake not anyone elses' go to the phone book find an Alanon meeting and get to it.