http://www.womens-health.com/boards/ General Discussion about our families. en Sat, 21 Nov 2009 00:00:26 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.womens-health.com/boards/ http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19941-law-madness-especially-sis-law.html Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:39:26 GMT My husband and I have been together for 11 years and married for a year and 5 months. We have a 9 year old son together. My mother in law had my husband and his sister very young and very close in age and they all were very close growing up. When I met my hubby I was so excited to become a part of a close knit family because I have a very small pretty dysfunctional family.

Right off the bat things between my sis in law and me were tense. I could sense some jealousy but I just brushed it off. When me and hubby met he was actually getting out of a "bootie call" relationship with his sisters best friend. My sis in law was getting married right at that time and the break up caused issues with the wedding because the friend was upset over the break up and now didn't want to be a part of the wedding. I felt like it was my fault or at least that I was being blamed partially for the eruption of the wedding plans. After the wedding things sort of calmed down and bit but I was never really warmly welcomed into the fold. I wasn't one to sit around the table and "girl" talk with them and so I felt a little ostracized but I tried to get along anyway and be pleasant with them at family functions. It was starting to hurt my relationship with my mother in law though and that drove me to start talking to my hubby about it. He really didn't have any answers.
Then my sis in law got pregnant and I got pregnant 6 months later. They tried to act like I got pregnant on purpose just because she did. After her daughter was born everyone of course adored her and paid attention to her. When my son was born he was basically treated like a step child, like he wasn't my hubbys. My mother in law worked less than 3 minutes from our home but went the first 3 months of my sons life without seeing him. Said she just didn't have the time, but she sure made time for my niece.
Things just kept snowballing and tensions got worse and my relationship with my sis in law turned into frenemys instead of sisters.
Years went by with tension at family functions and my hubby and I ended up moving to MN for a few years and our dysfunction with each other continued through email.
We were after a few years finally able to come to be friends but it was always short lived and always one sided. She would get mad at me for to me the littlest of reasons and just rip me a new behind until I would end up apologizing to her just to smooth things over.
Her and her husband began having problems and through that we became very close friends and I thought, FINALLY! Things were great, we spent so much time together and babysat each others kids and things seemed like they were really on track. That was until my hubby and I showed support for her ex. We didn't want them to split up and probably became way to involved in their personal lives but that's what happened. We tried to stay neutral between the two of them but in the end it just ended up driving us apart and she ended up "writing me off", literally, she emailed me and said, I can't have contact with you if you have contact with me. That was pretty much the end of that. We have "gotten back together" once or twice since then but then she met her now current husband who happens to be someone I went to school with in elementary school and that also that goes to my same church, our family's have gone to church together for years. Things got rocky when they started dating and once again my sis in law's relationship took a turn for the worse. Then, she decided to get married and wanted to make contact again to get me and my hubby to her wedding. Well it just so happened that they got married the day after me and my hubby and we were going out of town for our anniversary. When we didn't come, she once again turned on me. She has come between me and my mother in law, and other relatives because she constantly spreads lies and just has this stature in the family that she is right and everyone else is wrong and is basically a spoiled brat. No one wants to step up to her abuse because everyone is scared of her. When I step up to her, I get quickly put in my place.
It's just so hard to deal with her and her constant bi polar mood swings. I want to forgive her for past hurts and I'm working on that but I just don't know how to deal or confront her at this point. We haven't spoken since May of this year except for a few attempts of hers to turn my husband against me and to just cause trouble.
I don't want to pass this garbage onto our kids any longer. My son has relatives that he has nothing to do with because of this and it's so sad to me that he will never have a relationship with his cousins because of these issues. :mad:

Anyone have any suggestions?? ]]> Family GOHawks1979 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19941-law-madness-especially-sis-law.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19936-nephew-problems.html Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:52:14 GMT so my nephew...(he's not blood related to me just by marriage)

he moved into my mums house with me my mum and my boyfriend (it's a 2 bedroom flat)
he slept on the sofa and went "to work" which to be honest i think is complete bollox and while he was living with us £100 went missing out of my mums cash box which is always well hidden and only her and my nephew knew where it was because when she put it there me and my bf were in Kent visiting my bf's mum.
So we come back and a couple of days later my mum goes to the box and finds the money missing, she automatically thinks it's my nephew and phones his mum and step-dad (my brother) and then my brother goes to pick my nephew up from work and brings him back to my mums where he storms in and blames me and my bf for stealing the money....

another incident that has happened while we were living there with him there was a couple of my girlfriends from college came round for a drink and they saw him lining up cocaine on a dvd case and then going out into the kitchen to sniff the lines he made and this was all in my mums home (my mum was in bed while this was happening and me and my bf weren't in the room because he was trying it on with the girls...)

i just don't know whether to tell my mum about it or not because she probably won't believe me because she thinks the sun shines out of his backside... i've got the conversations saved on my computer of my friends telling me about it but i don't know whether this will help? ]]> Family Curious2009 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19936-nephew-problems.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19849-blended-family.html Mon, 16 Nov 2009 02:25:17 GMT I am in a blended family. I have 3 children and my hubby has 2. There are times when I have question and/or issues regarding being the 2nd wife or being stepmom. Does anyone have any experience with this, and/or is there a website I can go to?
I am finding that I am having issues with my hubby's ex as well as where I stand as the stepmom and where my hubby stands as being the stepdad... ]]> Family kailua http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19849-blended-family.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19732-mother-pearl-laws-drivin-me-nuts.html Thu, 12 Nov 2009 07:08:29 GMT October 7 I lost my job, that same week my bf's family got angry for him telling his 14 yr old sister about what he remembers about there other sisters death 15 yrs ago after she begged him to tell her. Well her it is over a month later and they are still completely treating him like he's some sort of stranger. Ok fine, they got mad but what ever happened to families sticking together?

What I've found out since is that his family never really handled the death of his sister. He said he cant remember his family ever really speaking of her or what happened after she died so now I wonder if they are mainly mad for opening up an unhealed topic. I've previously got my bf to open up about how he felt about losing his sister and I could tell he still had alot of built up pain.

Anywho so now they want him to come over and talk. Low and behold his mom emails him about 10 min after I posted a bulletin about Our Kick of Celebration for Relay For Life on Sunday. I advertised this mearly for the fact of gaining support and raising money. Of course she requests him on the same day around the same time. Small world huh? He told them Sunday wont work until late in the evening and saturday would be better. Next thing I know, his sister is texting him saying how she wonders why he even acts like he wants to be part of the family. How he never comes over. blah blah blah. Sad part is his family backs her up on it.

I mean forget about the fact that I lost my job. Right now, no we arent hard for money because I'm still getting severence from my company but that ends this month. He's working overtime to build up our savings just in case. We're trying to play this smart cause the job selection around here sucks. If we didn't care, we wouldnt have taking his brother and sister to the fair about an hr after I found out I was laid off. yeah like i was in the mood for that but i did it because he needed time with them. Dont get me started over how childish his sister acted that night. To look at me and say "i hate pigs, they are fat and stink", then we say ok well lets head home and she says "oh lets look at the pigs, they are so cute". I was far from irritated.

At this point we both feel like they dont appreciate the time they do get with him so we dont want to be there whatsoever. Its like their Idea of our lives is for him to never work overtime and to spend all extra time with them. Dont get me wrong. We tried!!! For 3 weeks in a row we didn't see my family and went to his families house every chance we got. We finally skipped a week and saw my family and they let us know it.

The past 3 weeks we've been cleaning our basement because of water damage and trying to get approval to fix the issue through the owners.

We simply are not allowed to have a life. They must be in every part of it and I cant stand it. At one point I loved them dearly but now they are like becoming obsessed with our lives. god help us when we start having children.

So weather we go over there saturday or sunday. What do you ladies and gents think we should address? Should I stick with my feelings and let him handle this on his own since I'm known to have a big mouth? they need to realize we are new at this sharing our lives together thing. Its only been 6 months since we moved in together. I know it wasn't really his place to tell his sister what happened to his other sister but just like in my family, the sibling are close and talk about everything. He felt it would be ok since they share everything else. I just dont know how to handle this one anymore ]]> Family Kallygirlie http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19732-mother-pearl-laws-drivin-me-nuts.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19707-father-nasty-me.html Wed, 11 Nov 2009 20:00:58 GMT Hi all

I have some real problems right now.

I have serious health problems - spine degeneration and bladder problem and I am only 21.

Anyway, I live with my family (father, mother and older sister) and get on well with my mother and sister but not so well with my father. In fact he really does not get on with me at the best of times. Unfortunately I live with him alongside my mother and sister.

He shouts at me and says horrible things and expects me to forget that he even said those things or was nasty and then says that he was not being nasty or saying nasty things and throws it in my face saying I am the one who is nasty and starts arguing and so I only have the choice of walking away.

I am feeling very depressed with him around me all the time and also want to get out of the house as I feel that he is getting much worse, particularly towards me.

I fear he may actually have some kind of mental disorder as he just seems to have a lot of the symptoms of this sort of thing but I could not take him to the doctors as he would not go and also says it is me who has got the problem and gets very abusive. He is just so nasty that I do not want to call him my father to be honest as I am embarrassed about even being connected to him or being his offspring as I really feel he is an embarrassment to me in general.

He has even said I am stupid and will never get a job (that was when I was only 12 he said that) and that has scarred me for life and I can still remember it clear as day and just do not feel I should even forgive him for saying such things to me and acting in the way he does.

The one time when I had wisdom teeth that needed removing and my mother (she actually bothers about me) decided to get them removed privately and he had such a massive argument and swore at both me and my mother and was getting quite het up so we both went for a drive together as I was out of my mind and very upset. He felt I was not worth it and to this day he feels that way, even about my spine and other problems. He is disgusting and evil and I do not want to even be near him.

Tonight he has just been so mean once again, I just cannot stand it any longer and feel suicidal and I'm sure he wouldn't care if I killed myself.

I am seriously thinking about moving out but cannot afford it - money is stopping me from doing so. If I had the money I would certainly not think twice.

Would any particular contacts be of use to help me in some way. By the way just in case, I am in the UK. :)

Many thanks for any help you may be able to give. It is much appreciated and I know there are many more much more caring and deserving people than my father.

Kind regards

Gamma ]]> Family Gamma http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19707-father-nasty-me.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19704-where-should-i.html Wed, 11 Nov 2009 19:43:39 GMT I am not sure where i need to post this, but i would like to be where there are other women who have lost custody of their children. Can someone put me in the right direction? I am not sure where i need to post this, but i would like to be where there are other women who have lost custody of their children. Can someone put me in the right direction? ]]> Family serineandfree http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19704-where-should-i.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19595-what-makes-happy-family.html Mon, 09 Nov 2009 02:42:54 GMT what do you think makes a happy family, whether a traditional family with a mum, dad etc or single parent whatever.

i think certain elements must be present,

1. respect for others feelings interests etc, even when you dont share them you respect them.

2. the parents dont have an addiction, whether its gambling, alcohol, drugs, it means they have other priorities over family.

3. fun times together.

thats all i've come up with so far, anyone else got some imput. ]]> Family happy ending http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19595-what-makes-happy-family.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19589-sister-law-vent.html Sun, 08 Nov 2009 23:42:39 GMT My husband has two sisters and I get along famously with his younger sister-in-law, everyone does, she just cracks me up. Then there is his older sister. A few days ago, my husband and I had an argument. Not a disagreement, an argument. He just blew up at me, verbally attacked me. I went outside with the dog, I hate confrontation. Well, he must have called her. WTH for, I have NO idea. Little did I know, she came over. I have multiple sclerosis, our son has ADHD so at the end of every week, I take our two weekly pill boxes and refill the little slots. I have two and he has one, needless to say, I take a great deal more meds than he does. So after they were done whispering whatever, she comes back in this room I'm in now and sees a million pill bottles sitting in front of me. She said that she was going to come and take our son out Wednesday, great :D I need a break from teen angst. O.k. two hours later, I get an email from her telling me how disturbed she was at seeing all the pill bottles on the desk and how our son could be abusing those pills and blah-blah-blah. Long story, she said if she didn't know me, she would have called CPS to request they do an investigation. Let me tell you that yes, she is high strung-EXTREMELY HIGH STRUNG and even her parents are nervous around her. She made her sister and her mother wait out in the rain for 20 minutes with a baby (who's now 23 with her own baby). It's not like she didn't know they were coming, so why didn't she clean the night before?!
I ended up responding to her ranting email to tell her what I was doing and that if she didn't like the way I was handling our meds then she was more than welcome to come over and do it herself and that if she thought that CPS was going to rescue my son and allow her to have custody, she is sadly mistaken because when they see what a dump she lives in she would be the last one to be notified. I forwarded the message to my husband. He said, and this is exactly what he said. . . "That's between you and her, you handle it, I'm not in it.":eek::eek: Wait a minute, did he just say that to my face? I asked him loudly, "HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? We're not talking about a pair of ear rings or that photo she stole off my the wall of this house which she doesn't live and DIDN'T ask for." AAAHHHGGG! The nerve of some people!!! ]]> Family FeistyFeeFee http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19589-sister-law-vent.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19537-crazy-sil.html Fri, 06 Nov 2009 06:49:55 GMT I really do not know what to do anymore and I am so tired emotionally.

We are staying in a flat together, me, the brother and the SIL. I work late, so usually I reach home around 8-9pm. Then there will be "surprises" outside my bedroom and bathroom door. Dust and hairs. Occasionally, the dust and hair are stuff into the bottom of my door crack.

I have tried both soft and the hard way. But it still boil down to nothingness.
Every time I want to reason out with them, I can only manage to speak to that brother, but not her. And guess what, that brother tells me that he has nothing to do with whatever that's happening to me !!!! Then I ask him to get his wife to talk to me then. But no...., she does not want to speak to me. Even though we are staying in the same flat, I have not seen or talk to the SIL since Nov 2008. Haa haa amazing isn't it. She always start banging or slamming the door when I reach home.

I have so many emotional breakdown. I really do not know what to do. I can't move out because the flat is under my and the brother's name. I want to sell of the flat but unfortunately, as the flat is under government, there are many restrictions.

I just need some advice. I am sorry if I am not being clear. I am too tired to write. ]]> Family Trying2 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19537-crazy-sil.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19472-stopping-presents-christmas.html Wed, 04 Nov 2009 13:53:29 GMT Question!

My family gets together every Christmas, to enjoy each other's company, eat a great homecooked meal, and celebrate the season. It is a great time as we don't get to see each other so much otherwise.

The problem is that my brother, his wife, and their two grown children are all very, VERY stupid with money. They are all broke, owe thousands of dollars to family and friends, can never pay the mortgage or rent, are on food stamps, etc. and every year they spends hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars on gifts for the family. It is ridiculous because they probably had to borrow that money (putting themselves even MORE in debt) to purchase the gifts.

It has gotten so bad, by the time they've set their presents for the family under the tree, you can't even see the tree anymore. Its BURIED. The rest of us appreciate the thought, but we hate seeing the wastefulness. We don't WANT the gifts, (most of which are pretty thoughtless anyway like candles, lotions, crystal vases... not very personal type stuff). Secondly, we don't like spending that kind of money to reciprocate the gifting. But if we don't, then it seems like my brother's family looks at us like we are stingy/cheap/scrooges.

Our parents have asked my brother to not do presents at all. We have all agreed we will not do presents and just enjoy our time together. My parents don't buy presents, I don't buy presents, and then my brother and his family show up with a truckload of presents for us.

We've asked to set a dollar amount limit for gifts for each person, like $40 each, TOPS. I follow the limit for each person, my parents do the same, and then I get $300 worth of candles, lotion, and other novelties from my brother's family.

Tis the season to start thinking about this conundrum again! What in the world do I do with these people?! They just don't get it! And our father is getting pretty irrated since my brother, his wife, and the kids ALL owe him a couple thousand dollars that he never gets paid, but they have money for all these gifts! It makes our Christmas celebration less enjoyable and kind of stressful when "present" time arrives - which is the OPPOSITE of what should be happening!

How do I get my brother and his family to stop with the gifting over-kill and just enjoy the family's company and the food?! Any suggestions are completely welcome! ]]> Family KMonte85 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19472-stopping-presents-christmas.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19470-family.html Wed, 04 Nov 2009 12:48:46 GMT hi wonder could anyone help im in an awful situation..my teenage daughter got into a huge fight with her stepdad[ my husband] an things went from bad to worse my parents removed my daughter from the home and my brothers and sisters sent me horrible text messages saying wat a terrible mother i am now theyve disowed me and my 6 yr old son.my husband has reared my daughter since she was 3 yrs old and has legally adopted her im torn between my husband son and my daughter and family ]]> Family unhapy38 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19470-family.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19386-can-they-take-her.html Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:49:12 GMT I'm 18 years old, and I have a 2 and a half year old daughter names Samara. I live in Ohio. I dropped out of high school last year, and I have been moving around lately. My mom kicked me out when I was 17 because her boyfriend didn't like me. Since then, I've been staying with friends. None of the situations worked out, so I ended up homeless and I had to go stay with my mother.

During this time, my Daughter lived with my mother. She has no custodial rights. I haven't signed any papers saying she has any rights to my child other than being a privileged Grandmother. I didn't want to drag her around with me from home to home looking for a place to live, but I didn't know how to get help from the government.

While I was living with my mother her boyfriend told her she had to choose either him, or me. And she chose him, and they bought be a bus ticket to North Carolina, so I could stay with my grandmother. While I'm down here I'm working on getting a job, my GED, and my license so that I can get my life on track before I got back. So that I can get an apartment and live with my daughter.

Lately I've been hearing things about my daughter's father and his family trying to get custody of Samara. I've been freaking out. I think they're going to try to file abandonment charges against me and take me to court for custody.

They have no other reasons to do so. Samara has been staying with my mother while I figure things out because it was not safe to bring her from home to home with me. I love my daughter with all my heart and if I had a stable place to be I would take her with me. I could have taken her to North Carolina, but I didn't want to take her from her father, or any other family in Ohio that has a part in her life.

Can they take me to court for abandonment? Or am I just worrying. Should I go get her? Because I am a good mother, and they have no reason to tell the court otherwise. She will be safe with me down in NC but I didn't want to hurt the family by taking her from them. Was that a bad choice? If needed, I will go get her and bring her down here with me.

What should I do? Please give me advice.. ]]> Family Chelsmir http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19386-can-they-take-her.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19363-i-kno-how-you-feel.html Mon, 02 Nov 2009 08:28:42 GMT im also 16 i lost my virginity this may and im not comfortable with talking to my mom about it. so i looked out for myself, thy have free teen clinics that can help you with all that. or find a close trusted friend or family member u can confide in. keep someone in the loop and on your side in case you need help or have questions or just some one to know what your doing. don't let anyone push you down on this it is truly your decision but you should play it safe. ]]> Family Amber_1992 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19363-i-kno-how-you-feel.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19356-having-issues-his-ex-wife-could-cause-me-walk.html Mon, 02 Nov 2009 04:08:59 GMT Ok...sorry but arghhhhhh...I can't believe her and I wish I could ask her to just stop.
My husband's ex wife is a thorn, that I would like to pull out and toss. I do not have a lot to do with her, in the sense of my stepgirls. Schedules etc. is something that they work out, just as I do with my ex and kids. My hubby and I always make our schedules work. Although she does not seem to care, that we also work, have more kids schedules to work with, she thinks we can stop everything and jump for her. A couple of weeks ago, she called to find out if we could pick them up from school and drop them at her place, as she had an incident happen at work. Well, my man had to work, so I had to go and get them, so 3 hours later I got home. Meanwhile, she could of asked her bf, as much as I understand they are my mans kids, he told her that it was going to be difficult, was there not another person she could call.
Today was his youngest bday party. His ex saw my boots and commented about a pair of boots my husband bought her years ago, that you can only get in Europe, and described them to me, making sure I knew my hubby bought them. She can certainly tell me about the boots, but did she really need to tell me that my husband bought them for her years ago? What was her motive? She did not invite her bf to the party, which is so common, she never invites her bf, even though everyone knows him or about him. While we are at the party, she could of asked me but she asked him to video tape part of the party. She continues to call him by the nickname she used to call him, and then she starts to speak Indonesian to him (that is where she is from), he then responds in Indonesian, and no one knows what they are talking about. Then she goes off as if it is not a big deal....what is going on?
This makes me want to leave my marriage, which is totally not fair, nor what I would be happy with. The only person who seems to understand the awkwardness, is my hubby's aunt. I have mentioned to him, and he tells me it has been so long that they have not been together, that she is just another person. How can I express to him, without him saying it's really nothing, get over it...I am also upset, cause my husband and I are trying to save money to take the all 5 of our kids on vacation, plus buy a house, so my husband has yet to buy me anything like that...which truly hurts, it's almost like a "dig" "he bought me them and not you nanana"....
What can I do? Am I being too sensitive?
I pray that it does not come down to me leaving!!! ]]> Family kailua http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19356-having-issues-his-ex-wife-could-cause-me-walk.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19308-my-sister-going-tell-my-boys-secret.html Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:39:52 GMT Please help me. I'm almost 50, with two teen boys, happily married for 26 years.I mentioned to my sister that she has been leaving home a lot to party with friends, and that it's not healthy for her children. I thought her reaction would be mind your own business, but it wasn't. She has threatened me that she is going to tell my boys about my past.

My past...well, at sixteen, I dated a boy who I thought loved me. I was in foster care, so I really wanted to get out. Stupid me lost her virginity to him, and had a child, a boy. I tried so hard to make it right, no family, just his his, and he beat me daily. I lost front teeth, broken ribs, he even put a knife at my throat. One day, when the child was just over one years of age, I walked out, never to see him or the father again.

I moved away, four years later, at 23, I met a successful 25 year old man. Lovely family, they loved me to bits. We married, and seven years later started a family. He knew of my past, didn't care, he was very supportive.

Yesterday, I got into a argument with my younger sister, and said she needs to be more at home than out at the clubs. She e-mailed me that I have 24 hour to tell my boys, or she will about my past, what should I do? ]]> Family jen1960 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/family/19308-my-sister-going-tell-my-boys-secret.html