Thread: Urgh- Vent!

I have a sort of different perspective of this situation...My dad has 3 daughters...One from my mother and 2 from another woman. Well, this other woman is an absolute deadbeat. I won't go any further into it...So needless to say, my mom did so much for my sisters. She gave them money for school clothes, fed them, bought them huge Christmas/birthday/Valentine presents, took them for "days of beauty" when they were down about boys...She loves them as though they're her own, and they love her, they really do...But when it comes to "step-mom vs. real mom" my mom will ALWAYS lose. She will not always get that call on Mother's Day or her birthday...She will not always get the proper thanks for what she does for them...She will get snubbed even though she was better to them than their own mom at times.

And you know what? That's just the way the cookie crumbles. Even though you feel as though they "owe" it to you to treat you in a certain way...They really don't see it that way. To them, you're an intruder in their lives and you have no right to tell them what to do...Especially to "get out of their own home" and "grow up"(their feelings, not mine!) I know it's not what you wanted to hear, but kids have a special relationship with their parents that they're very protective of. Just because you say they should act grown up about the divorce doesn't mean they really should. That's a hard thing for some kids to get over, and same goes for adults. My mom takes it hard when they snub her this way, but she understands. Like I said, when it's step mom vs. mom...

Originally Posted by withered_rose

Sorrid, I am around your step children's age (early 20's for arguments sake) and I understand where you are coming from, you are an amazing woman to have done what you did for them, taking the son in and allowing him to save money to move out on his own like that. How ever, being young and also means not realizing what you have and apreciating it for its value. so I commend you for being the best step-mother to those children. As for the step-daughter, is she back on medication? and if so is it helping, because I am wondering if that is part of the problem with her, i know that some mental disorders do cause instability within a life style and make you feel like you can just party and live it up as long as you want and it doesnt matter.
best of luck

Thanks. I know you appreciate it because you had the opposite treatment, and that is really hard.
She refuses to take medication. So, she is affected by her illness...Youa re right. That is probably what makes things much worse for her to function. She lost her driver's license (suspended for not paying tickets) last year. She was living with a female family member for two years and wouldn't keep a job long enough or save any money. She spent a good portion of what money she did have on cigarettes and boyfriends. Now, some other family members have asked her to leave the female family members home because she was making that woman go broke and she was not well. Now, the step-daughter is living between friends.
Thanks for the luck....we all need it!

Originally Posted by ChelseaRenee

I have a sort of different perspective of this situation...My dad has 3 daughters...One from my mother and 2 from another woman. Well, this other woman is an absolute deadbeat. I won't go any further into it...So needless to say, my mom did so much for my sisters. She gave them money for school clothes, fed them, bought them huge Christmas/birthday/Valentine presents, took them for "days of beauty" when they were down about boys...She loves them as though they're her own, and they love her, they really do...But when it comes to "step-mom vs. real mom" my mom will ALWAYS lose. She will not always get that call on Mother's Day or her birthday...She will not always get the proper thanks for what she does for them...She will get snubbed even though she was better to them than their own mom at times.

And you know what? That's just the way the cookie crumbles. Even though you feel as though they "owe" it to you to treat you in a certain way...They really don't see it that way. To them, you're an intruder in their lives and you have no right to tell them what to do...Especially to "get out of their own home" and "grow up"(their feelings, not mine!) I know it's not what you wanted to hear, but kids have a special relationship with their parents that they're very protective of. Just because you say they should act grown up about the divorce doesn't mean they really should. That's a hard thing for some kids to get over, and same goes for adults. My mom takes it hard when they snub her this way, but she understands. Like I said, when it's step mom vs. mom...

Truth is though...It was *my* house, and I could ask him to leave at any time. He really had to do what I said, in a way...or be homeless. He did have a choice. He chose to finally get his act together and move out.
That was a good thing.
No, I can't make them feel any other way then they do. I know I did the right thing, and that is enough. I was just venting after reading his angry blog from last year. He is okay now.

Sorrid have you guys considered having your step-daughter put into a rehab program? not necessarily like rehab for drugs but for work and social aspects i know that there are programs in my area that offer things like that. My mom participated in one, and she is bi polar. it may help her, and also family therapy is a good idea as well especially if she has problems with your husband, not necessarily you, but more so your hubby.

Originally Posted by withered_rose

Sorrid have you guys considered having your step-daughter put into a rehab program? not necessarily like rehab for drugs but for work and social aspects i know that there are programs in my area that offer things like that. My mom participated in one, and she is bi polar. it may help her, and also family therapy is a good idea as well especially if she has problems with your husband, not necessarily you, but more so your hubby.

I will keep that in mind, thanks. We are hoping she will go to Social Services when her friends run out. Let's face it, people in their late teens and early 20's (her friends) can't support her long. So, if she goes to S.S., they might put her in programs, work programs, etc. Thanks again.

Also keep in mind that teenagers/20-somethings can be ungrateful wretches toward their biological parents as well! I was just reading a girl's blog where she complains endlessly about her parents who require her to keep her room and bathroom clean in return for them sheltering her, paying her insurance, cellphone, etc (SUCH hardship!). She may not be able to hurl the targeted insult that a stepchild could but she still managed to be hateful enough.

Originally Posted by silvertae

Also keep in mind that teenagers/20-somethings can be ungrateful wretches toward their biological parents as well! I was just reading a girl's blog where she complains endlessly about her parents who require her to keep her room and bathroom clean in return for them sheltering her, paying her insurance, cellphone, etc (SUCH hardship!). She may not be able to hurl the targeted insult that a stepchild could but she still managed to be hateful enough.

True. Absolutely. I agree.