Advice for and about my Teenaged boy.

**Diva0467** · 10-08-2008 07:34 AM

My youngest (15) is in his first yr of High School.

He's pretty shy and has spent the majority of his school yrs being bullied, but things turned around for him last year, and we thought maybe this yr too until now.

Anyhoo, he gave me some attitude AGAIN tonight and I went off and grounded him....Well, when he was done with his chore he came and apologized to me and then proceeded to tell me that he is stressed out about High school and peer pressure and not having a girl friend. He's never had a girlfriend. He says almost ALL his friends are different now and most of them are picking on him and calling him a fagget(sp) and/or just not talking to him at all. They said that they've lost respect for him because he doesn't have a gf. I'd like to know how this is any of their business?!

WTH is this about??? OMG! We weren't like this. I never paid attention or even cared if someone had a mate or not. Dang! He says he is depressed about this and I just don't know what to do other than what I told him... Which was if they are treating him differently, they weren't really his friends anyways and are worthy of his time. I also told him that the girlfriend thing will happen when it's supposed to and that he needs to stop worrying about it so much. He thinks he needs cologne, lol! So we will get him some, but what if that doesn't work? I told him that maybe instead of going for the hottest, most popular girls, perhaps he should go for the ones that don't seem so Hot and it be his starter gf. LOL! I also told him that the not so hot or popular gf's are usually the coolest people anyways... I don't know. Jess (the bf) nor I ever had this problem in HS. I mean I think he's a good looking kid....I dunno....

Any advice???

**pattyb** · 10-16-2008 08:38 AM

First of all, let me say that the pain of our own teenage years pales in comparison
to the pain we feel when we watch our children go through it, doesn't it?
How dare anyone not like our wonderful, sweet son and give him a hard time!
I have 2 sons who are grown now and I still worry whenever
either of them has problems.

To answer your question: there are a few things you can do, and much that you can not.

One thing is to encourage him to tell you what is going on at school and to listen to his
unhappiness. What you don't want is for him to start drugs or alcohol to be part of the gang.
So, he needs to be able to unload his pain on someone.
This does not mean you let him get away with murder,
but you lend a sympathetic ear.

Second, you can urge him to join an activity that he likes, not to get friends,
but to do the activity. Drama club, debating, sports, in school,
or stuff outside of school like sailing lessons or skiing.
What this does is give him a place to go with people who like the same thing,
and some confidence that he has a strong interest and skill.
Dont be surprised if he drops out of some of these
(my son tried skating and scouts before he settled on basketball,
and although he wasnt very good, he enjoyed it and ended up
refereeing for the younger kids.)

Also, the family could start a new hobby together...
all going scuba diving or on trips to
camp. Having a fun thing to do that is different and
gives skills helps alot. I made the mistake of not doing enough of this.

Another suggestion is that he find a little job away from other teenagers...
working in a garden shop or specialty store. Being with adults who like him
will boost his confidence. he expects you to love him,
but other adults have more rank!

What you cannot do is make him feel that being unpopular is cool
and that the kids are all jerks.
he wont know that until he is older and looks back.

A great place to meet girls is at dancing classes...
the boys are way outnumbered...could he go for that? : )

Goodluck, Mom. I have been there, and it isnt easy.
Your biggest enemy is substance abuse,
your biggest ally is family support and activity.

Let us know how he is doing.

**Joy** · 10-16-2008 08:55 AM

I don't have kids but I remember just before going to HS my mom gave be the greatest talk.... she told me that during the first few months of going to HS I would see a lot of my friends change. Some would get involved in drugs/alchohol, some would become pregnant and drop out or have enough help to stay in school, some would admit they are gay, and some would succumb to depression and commit suicide. She was right in all accounts.

All you can do is prepare your son for life and help guide him in his decision making process. Explain to him that the choices he makes now good or bad is molding what he wants for his future.

good luck

**Livelaughlove** · 10-16-2008 09:36 AM

I am 22 yrs old guy. I know exactly what your son is going through.

I have been on over 100 dates.