Thread: No idea what to do about my sister

I live with my sister who just went through a divorce last year and i am starting to reach my breaking point. She has had a lot of difficulty after the divorce with money, dating and self-esteem, and probalbly has mental problems that she will not get looked at. I hate the way my sister makes me feel... i help her out as much as i possibly can and then some. I borrow her money - even though she makes more the double that i do, spends it on alcohol, and clothes that she doesn't need (she has expensive clothes taste and recently bought jeans at 150 a piece), she also doesn't pay our bills (our garbage has been cut off before, we lost power twice, and our rent checks keep bouncing because she has no money in her account).

We recently got a dog that i objected to. The friend that was giving it away, kept pressuring her to take this new puppy and while she said no at first, cracked and then said yes... but then had me call twice and say no. Well regardless of me saying no, no, no... she got the dog. I woke up one night (because it can't sleep with her) to a pee spot on my bed and last night found bugs all over the animal. That was my breaking point with this situation... i put the dog in it's kennel and it howled all night long... so i was very happy this morning. She has now decided to get rid of it, but accused me of making her out to be the bad guy in this situation because i make her feel like i am putting all of the work into the puppy (i'm not, the work has been relatively split) and she didn't even want the dog in the first place... she wants an older one (which i still say no to).

My sister talks about her problems a lot... and i don't (i just don't talk about personal problems a lot)... but i feel like her problems ALWAYS trump mine... even though i have money and personal issues as well. My sister is 6 years older then me and treats me like a child. She belittles me in front of my friends (who are also her friends...but she rarely spends time with them if she has a guy to hang out with), does things in the house without asking me, has horrible mood swings, we make plans and then she drops them because he latest guy wants to do something else... it's just so frustrating everything she does... and then accuses me of making her out to be the bad sister, that i make fun of her too much, i don't listen to her, i judge her, ect.

I just don't know how to talk to her without her going off on one of her emotional swings... I have my own problems and need to start taking care of myself, but i also love my sister and want her to realize both things - what do i do?

Sounds like a classic case to me, one of a sister not pulling her fair share of the weight or otherwise being inconsiderate. Some clear boundaries and distance would be good for the relationship. I think it's most difficult to accept that no matter how hard one tries, she just cannot get someone else up to her own level of relational etiquette. So, perhaps it is coming time to live apart since it has been a full year since her divorce?? I know it's easier said than done given you sincerely wish to see your sister's live improve... but time seems to be the best healer of wounds and it sounds like you need some time away from her to sort out things for yourself and focus on getting yourself forward at this point. I feel great empathy for your plight, as my own sister lives with a man right now who only spells big trouble for me down the road--it hurts to not be able to "fix" a bad situation.