Thread: I need advice

I could really use some out side opinions on this. Could it really just be all my fault? Here is the situation.

My husband and I have been together for 8 years now, I have no real family of my own, I was raised in group homes and foster homes. So I know nothing about how families really work. I wanted nothing more than to have a Mother/ Father/ Sisters etc.. So I have tried to be apart of the family. I am extremely nervous around the in laws, but have strived relentlessly to be apart of their lives. I have always been kind, friendly but perhaps have tried too hard. Admittedly I am sensitive, I have always been that way. Perhaps too much so.

So when the family gets together in town and goes places that they know I really would love to be included in, I do not get invited. Yes, my feelings get hurt and my husband sees it so he has asked that I would be included in these outings.

3 years ago I had a miscarriage in which I was devastated. 3 days later Sister in law announced that she was pregnant. I was bitter, never at her or her beautiful son, just bitter and heart broken. The family never concerned them selves about me or even acknowledged my miscarriage. This type of lack of concern for me has been common over years. Yes my feelings were hurt many times, but I am quick to forget and forgive and have never treated them any differently because of their actions.

Monday I called my SIL to let her know that I had christmas gifts for the entire family. My husband and I decided to stay home in our new house for christmas and due to a car accident the same day were unable do deliver the gifts. My SIL snapped at me " What, say what your really trying to say. You expect me to come and get the gifts." I was instantly hurt and a bit confused. I explained that no we could wait till after christmas to exchange gifts and left the conversation at that. 2 minutes later the phone rang and it was her. She instantly began screaming obscenities at me. I asked her 3 time to stop screaming at me and hung up not wanting to blow up at her. She instantly called my husbands cell and started screaming at him. Saying I have destroyed his relationship with the rest of the family and that I was not wanted around. He hung up.

I spent the next 3 days crying. My heart was broken and I was left confused. Christmas eve my husband called to let her know that she owed me an apology. I got on the phone and she told me that she should not have blown up, BUT I have ruined their relationship. She let me know she was angry that I have been hurt over the years because I have not been invited to family outings and made a comment about my miscarriage 3 years earlier. Apparently I hurt her feelings some how and she has never said a word or forgiven me.
I feel that what ever it was that she felt hurt about 3 years ago should have been forgotten after so long especially since I had just been devastated. As for my feelings being hurt, they are my feelings. Perhaps I am too sensitive but they are still my feelings and I am allowed to have them. As for ruining the families relationship, my husband is not particularly family oriented. He can take them or leave them. His feelings have also been hurt the same as mine. He feels that he is not treated the same as his brothers and sisters and feels left out often. His reasons for not being close to them are his own. They have nothing to do with me.

I finally broke under the hurt and stress of this conflict and emailed a not so friendly reply. I have heard nothing from them since. How should I proceed? My instincts are to just cut my self out of the family and get over it.
Sorry if I have rambled. thanks for any advise.