need help with inlaws to be
I love my fiance very much! He is sweet, gentle and caring. Unfortunately his family is the comlpete opposite. They are materialistic, gossip hungary, always have something smart to say(in a way you can't quite call them on it) and it's to the point that I hate them. They make things so difficult for us. And I forgot to mention we live with his mom. We have a little apartment downstairs, and his mom is so disrepectful of our privacy. So is the rest of his family. Because my fiance and his brother and sister grew up in the house they think they can come and go as they please. His sister walked right in one day when I was just getting up and I was on the toilet! I wanted to flip but instead said with a chuckle " you might want to knock next time because you don't know what you'll see, sometimes i walk around naked!" She THEN said she was sorry and later I heard her bad mouthing me to my fiance's mom, so I walked upstairs in the middle of the conversation and the sister said "there she is!" as sweet as pie. I swear I could write a book there has been so much stuff. Also A couple years ago I had some problems with depression so I went to his mother and aunt for advice and help. Wrong thing to do. Now they ALL know this problem and what triggers me and they use it. I finally got myself back on track after about 6 months, went to beauty school and got a job, and about halfway thru my schooling his sister was asking everyone at Christmas dinner "what color she should paint her new salon and spa she is opening". It was like she had no interest until I went for it. I haven't been lucky in life. Things don't fall in to my lap like some people, I'm sure someone can relate. The sister, mom, brother and the brother's new wife have a way of making me feel like a loser because I'm 28, still haven't found a steady carrer(the beauty thing I can fall back on but not sure i want to do it full time, doesn't pay the bills starting out) and I don't make 100,000 a year. They always look me up and down to see "who" I am wearing, and because it's Walmart I'm not good enough. But I'm not a slob, I'm neat and clean cut. Now it's to the point where his mom and I are not talking. I made an HONEST effort countless times and it doesn't help. Now that I lost weight and look a lot better his sister is snottier than ever also. We are unable to move out right now because I don't make enough money to help out, and we can't do it on his income alone right now. I try so hard and nothing seems to work out for me. If we talk to his mother I'm afraid she'll throw a hissy fit because she did the other day when my fiance spoke up and she said she's "sick of trying to please everyone, she's getting an apartment!" I'm not completely innocent, but I always appologize and try to work things out. How do you make things work with people that don't think they are doing anything wrong? I'm very sorry about my "NOVEL LENGTH" entry, I tried to condense things, can someone please offer some good advice? Thank You!
It sounds like you have a level head on your shoulders and like you know that you are a good person. Don't let these people get you down. Clearly that is what they thrive on. I cannot stand pretentious people like that. People who are materialistic and pass judgement on others like that are selfish and inconciderate. We both know that, so you shouldn't let that get you down. There is nothing wrong with buying your clothes from Wal-Mart.
I was in your situation once. I too lived with my boyfriend (now my husband) and his mother and brother. The brother didn't like me and was rude to me all the time. In fact, my hubby had a fist fight with his brother because he called me a bit**. Of course, the mother broke up the fight and was like "stop that! you are brothers for crying out loud!" and then she acted like it was all my fault. The mother didn't like me and to this day is jealous of me. I felt the same way. Struggled with jobs and money. We didn't have enough money to move out on our own. She made me feel like ****. We had no privacy EVER.
We kept at it and never let it ruin our relationship. The closer we got, the worse his mom got. Always trying to control what he did and telling us how to live. She always tried to outdo me in everything when it came to spoiling my hubby. I would fix him some food and she would say "oh honey, you don't want that do you? here, let me make something else for you." I could have choked her. It got really bad. To the point that I couldn't take it anymore. Finally I told my hubby that he had to do something. We weren't married yet by the way. I told him that she needed to stop treating him like a child, stop disrespecting me, and back off. It took some finess because he was afraid to stand up to his mother, but he finally did. I was so proud of him. He had to tell her like it is a couple of times before she really got it. Things are much better now. I am sure it's kind of a forced friendship now, but it's better then what it was.
Your man needs to stand up for you regardless of if you are living with them or not. Letting the family continue to disrespect you is going to be bad on your relationship and make things with his family worse. Right now the family sees that he is not standing up for you and that is a bad thing. It's almost like living with a pack of wolves and you are at the bottom of the hierarchy. They will continue to treat you like garbage until he does something. And it has to be him, not you. If he loves you, he should understand that he needs to stand by his woman. Just because you live under their roof that does not make it ok for them to hurt you or treat you like any less of a person.
You two need to find a way to get out of that house. One of you take a second job or something.
Keep your head up and show them you are proud no matter what they do. They are trying to run you off so don't let them have the satisfaction.
~Jessica
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