Sisters Husband is cheating

fin · 01-17-2009, 04:41 AM

Hi, I'm new here and looking for some advice. A week before Christmas my sister found out her husband has been cheating and to cut a long story short they decided to make a go of things - much to myself and my families annoyance (although we kept our mouths shut and supported her decision) Then just this weekend my sister found out he's also been seeing another woman.

My sister and her husband have been married just over 18 years, They married quite young (sister 21 and he was 24), it just makes me sick what he is putting her though. I want to do something, but I feel I have to keep out of things. They have 4 children and the edest is Autistic. My sister just doesn't confide in me, and I want to be there for her but I don't know how?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-17-2009, 03:37 PM

Well that is all you can do, be there for her...

It's natural as a male to want to strangle his neck.. If she doesn't confide in you who is she talking to and telling this information to? Your Mother?

Just ring her up and tell her, I understand 18 years is a long time, and you are probably thinking of your children.. I respect what ever you decide to do, but I want you to know I am only a phone call away if you ever just want to chat, cry on my shoulder or for me to come and get you....

She may simply not confide because she knows you will give her husband what for, what she may simply need is knowing your there and respect what ever she decides but that you are there.

Words are powerful and if you don't make her feel that she is making a mistake by staying or is stupid, rather, that you "understand", she may confide even more with you and take you up on being there for her.

It's hard to go through what she is going through, let alone feeling that the family thinks she is a failure, it's her fault, or that she is stupid for staying, it makes you stay in the little hole and not talk...

That is probably what she is thinking, even if it is not what you as a family are thinking.

Also are you married? Does she get on with your wife? Do you live close to each other? Because she also needs female support during this, maybe inadvertently you can through your wife, help her as well.

CW

**Beautiful Disaster** · 01-18-2009, 02:20 PM

As CW said, just be there. Now is not the time for her family to judge her. She's desperately trying to keep her "idea" of her family together. It takes a lot of women a long time sometimes to realize that they're doing their children more harm by staying. I think it's woman instinct to protect her family, to stick with them through thick and thin. And that's what she thinks she's doing. Naturally, she doesn't want to take her kids away from their father....naturally she doesn't want to start all over. Clearly she doesn't want to lose 18 years worth of work she's put into her marriage. Can you blame her? You're on the outside looking in...you see things clearly....she cannot and all you can do is hope that eventually time will tell, and she will begin to see things clearly.

**happy ending** · 01-18-2009, 06:50 PM

i just agree with the other posters, dont judge her just love her, and make it clear thats how you feel. hope everything works out well for her and you.

allicanbe · 01-30-2009, 11:34 AM

Be there for her, Like others have said. I understand what you're going through, trust me, I kinda have the same situation, Although deep down inside you may fully disagree with your sisters decision, Just show her that no matter what, you're there and care! Support her, because she needs it all. One day she'll realize, just let her learn the hard way, afterall, that is the best way!

01-17-2009, 04:41 AM	#1
fin Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 1	Sisters Husband is cheating Hi, I'm new here and looking for some advice. A week before Christmas my sister found out her husband has been cheating and to cut a long story short they decided to make a go of things - much to myself and my families annoyance (although we kept our mouths shut and supported her decision) Then just this weekend my sister found out he's also been seeing another woman. My sister and her husband have been married just over 18 years, They married quite young (sister 21 and he was 24), it just makes me sick what he is putting her though. I want to do something, but I feel I have to keep out of things. They have 4 children and the edest is Autistic. My sister just doesn't confide in me, and I want to be there for her but I don't know how?

01-17-2009, 03:37 PM	#2
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,968 Blog Entries: 7	Well that is all you can do, be there for her... It's natural as a male to want to strangle his neck.. If she doesn't confide in you who is she talking to and telling this information to? Your Mother? Just ring her up and tell her, I understand 18 years is a long time, and you are probably thinking of your children.. I respect what ever you decide to do, but I want you to know I am only a phone call away if you ever just want to chat, cry on my shoulder or for me to come and get you.... She may simply not confide because she knows you will give her husband what for, what she may simply need is knowing your there and respect what ever she decides but that you are there. Words are powerful and if you don't make her feel that she is making a mistake by staying or is stupid, rather, that you "understand", she may confide even more with you and take you up on being there for her. It's hard to go through what she is going through, let alone feeling that the family thinks she is a failure, it's her fault, or that she is stupid for staying, it makes you stay in the little hole and not talk... That is probably what she is thinking, even if it is not what you as a family are thinking. Also are you married? Does she get on with your wife? Do you live close to each other? Because she also needs female support during this, maybe inadvertently you can through your wife, help her as well. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

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01-18-2009, 02:20 PM	#3
Beautiful Disaster Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: United States - Kentucky Posts: 337	As CW said, just be there. Now is not the time for her family to judge her. She's desperately trying to keep her "idea" of her family together. It takes a lot of women a long time sometimes to realize that they're doing their children more harm by staying. I think it's woman instinct to protect her family, to stick with them through thick and thin. And that's what she thinks she's doing. Naturally, she doesn't want to take her kids away from their father....naturally she doesn't want to start all over. Clearly she doesn't want to lose 18 years worth of work she's put into her marriage. Can you blame her? You're on the outside looking in...you see things clearly....she cannot and all you can do is hope that eventually time will tell, and she will begin to see things clearly.

01-18-2009, 06:50 PM	#4
happy ending Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: western australia Posts: 655	i just agree with the other posters, dont judge her just love her, and make it clear thats how you feel. hope everything works out well for her and you.

01-30-2009, 11:34 AM	#5
allicanbe Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 8	Be there for her, Like others have said. I understand what you're going through, trust me, I kinda have the same situation, Although deep down inside you may fully disagree with your sisters decision, Just show her that no matter what, you're there and care! Support her, because she needs it all. One day she'll realize, just let her learn the hard way, afterall, that is the best way!