Thread: Parents that don't like your husband

I think you need to sit down and talk with your parents and husband. Try to find out why they don't like him. Make them understand that know they have 2 granddaughters that need them as grandparents. Wish you luck.

Thank you. I am going to try your advice. It has been hard these years because I miss my parents. Now my husband has just gave up on them and he is really giving me a choice, between him or my parents. How can I make a choice like that? I really don't know where to turn now. My family has turned on me because I am with him and my husband will turn on me if I let them back in my life. I don't know where to turn.

I am so sorry. It must be really hard on you. I think that both your parents and your husband should understand that if they don't want to do it for each other or for you they need to do if for your 2 girls.

My dad's family hated my mom and for the same reason I never saw them when I was young. After 25 yrs I am starting to know them and they aren't that bad. My husband and I actually like them. Now my husbands family can't stand me and I can't stand them but I do let my husband take them my son. And I will go only for special occasions. But they have to be super special occasions. I just don't want the same thing that happened to me and my sister of not knowing my uncles, aunts, and cousins to happen to my son.

I hope everything goes well. Best of luck.

karen

I really didn't see it like that. You're right my kids really do not know my family. Its even hard in discussing my childhood with my kids since they do not know my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. I really do not know where to begin in making things right. It has been over 10 years now. I know my husband does not want to have anything to do with them at all since they do not like him but since they don't like him they don't like me. My girls can figure out that they shouldn't talk or be around them, and I know they are confused. Kids really do not need to be in the middle. But like you said they might go around them when they are grown and I am okay with it, plus we have no control once thry are grown. Its their decision.

In many cases, the split that occurs when a marriage is unacceptable
is often permanent. If this is the case, it is a waste of energy to
strive for an alteration.

In one situation the parent of the wife was informed when the
never seen grandchild was in critical condition at the hospital...
the wife's parents asked the grooms mother not to call them again.

In another, a grandchild reaching adulthood went to track down
the 'missing grandparents' and was rebuffed.

In a third, the wife,after many years tried to get in touch with
her family, and it was one slammed door after another.

The usual 'effective' strategies in these cases would be to
pretend the parents were dead, and make no further efforts.

In one case the fact was that the parents had never liked
their daughter; if she had moved across town they would
find reasons never to visit her or phone, so the husband
was merely the obvious excuse.

It's sad your stuck in the middle and for your kids not to spend some time with your parents.my inlaw's didn't like me cos i was to close with my mother
they were jealous cos i didn't like them the way they were controling over me me and my husband used to live with them for 8 years then i started to open my mouth they didn't like that..lol then one day we moved out we're more happier now..but i still don't get along with my father-inlaw he just say's neg things about me and my mother.and we never done anything to him....anyway i guess you just need to talk with your parent's and ask what's their prob...i wish you well

I don't know what to do, where to turn. It's clear to me that I need to try to stop seeking my parents approval, but for some reason, I keep getting upset over the fact that they won't accept my marriage.
My husband and I dated for a year and half, then got engaged, and married about 10 months later. We have been together for 4 years, married for 2 of those years now.
My parents haven't spoken to me for almost 3 and a half years.
They refused to acknowledge our engagement and didn't come to my wedding.
I only have one sibling, a sister. She and my mother are best friends, so therefore my sister wouldn't attend the wedding either.
I am from the US and so is my husband, but he has dual citizenship in Canada, so we left the US where my parents are and moved to Canada to start a new life.
I just can't get over the fact that my mother (and father and siter have disowned me), yet I hear thru the grape vine my mother has taken in a poor crack-addict lady and her child.
Never mind the fact that my husband and I are good, clean people, college graduates who have done NOTHING wrong. But for some reason, I'm not good enough to be loved, but derelicts off the street are.
If my mother were an alcoholic or druggie, at least I could reason this out and logically say to myself, "Of course she's disowned me, she's drunk!" or "She's high."
But the fact that my mother SELECTIVELY does this, just breaks my heart.
Any advice on how to get a handle on this emotionally and move on?

As I posted previously, the only way to avoid emotional
trauma is to pretend they are dead, and move on. There
is no sense breaking your own heart.

Whatever ulterior reason they gave, i.e. husband a diff.
race/religion whatever, is not the real reason.

Tell people they are dead, sever all contact and interest
in what they are doing or not doing. They have nothing
to do with your life, nor your children's life.

In the examples I cited in my post of November, the
children never saw their grandparents, and it never
effected them to any great extent. They were fully
members of the husband's family, and went on with
their lives.

In one case, the children, all in their thirties have married,
begat children of their own, and there is no thought of
the maternal grandmother's parents. Time moves on.

Concentrate on now, and tomorrow and forget the
past. Don't make it a situation so that the children
might feel that people who never saw them, who
don't know they are alive, have rejected them.