Help!
Well I have had a on and off relationship with my mother in-law for the past 9 yrs and as we stand now we are not talking at all. I have never had any problems with any one in my life, Up untill I met her. She has tried running me off from the get go. From treating my son from a previous marraige badly, to telling my husband and I that we are not good parents. Now let me tell you that she is the ONLY one singing that tune about us/me. There have been many times that she has had me in tears because I was actually starting to doubt myself as a mother, (come to find out) she actually was the one guilty of bad parenting with her young adopted son.And the whole family intervened lovingly for her. The embarrassment only put fuel on the fire for attack. My husband and I are not bad parents at all. We have 3 beautiful children that have been nothing but a blessing to us in our lives. We just found out that are son is ADHD. And are son is not allowed to go to her house and play with her 4 yr old adopted son. This has crushed my husband badly. Now she doesn't know what to say to me now that she can't pin being a bad parent on me anymore since are son's diagnosis. She is bitter and sour, and has a ugly attitude twords life. I can't take it any more it makes me feel like I am drowning. I have actually felt like a huge cloud has lifted off of me ever since I withdrew from her completly. But now that the holidays are coming up I am starting to feel the anxiety come flooding back. I don't want any problems. Just peace and harmony in the family. I have no problems with the relationship between her and my children, I welcome it with a open heart for all of them. I can love her as a person, but only at a distance. I am just affraid of the drama I know will come full throttle when she is around. What do I do if she isolates me and bashes me with her ugliness during these times that are supposed to be nothing short of joyous? I am not up for it. I am done. I have told her that many times in the past. She just wont let it go. She once told me that If my husband and I were to ever divorce that my first son would be the reason. Why would she say something like that? It boggles my mind. There is nothing but love in our family and I am sorry she feels that way, but will be saddend to realize that my husband and I are two very strong individuals who are nurturing to our children an every way and divorce is and never will be an option.
She is most likely jealous of the bond you have with her son and the nice family you have made for yourself. Mothers are known to be really catty like that and posessive of their sons. In their eyes, they are and always have been the woman in his life. So when you come along and take all that away, it makes them lonely and desparate. Then they get mean.
The only way to deal with these sorts of situations in the hopes of making it better is to have your husband tell her like it is. It has to be him, not you. You can talk until you are blue in the face and it will only make her meaner. Your man has to be the one to tell her that you are here to stay, she MUST be nice and respectful to you, or she wont be a part of your lives at all... including his. He needs to stand up for you and show his mother that you are the woman in his life now. He needs to realize that her behavior is NOT acceptable. She may get pissed off. He most likely will have to remind her more then once. But I am telling you, it's the only way. Right now, she knows she can get away with acting badly because he hasn't stood up to her. She doesn't care what you think... she cares what he thinks. It might be scary, but worth it. He may be afraid to stand up to his mother, but you need to make him understand why he has to. Tell him exactly how she is making you feel and what she is doing. Tell him it's going to put strain on your relationship. Some times you have to spell it out for men because they are oblivious and don't even realize there is a problem. Even if you have told him before, tell him again and get more serious about it.
I have been there before and so has my mother with my dad's mom. I learned the hard way too. You can get through this.
~Jessica
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