A controversial sister

**torn2pieces** · 02-10-2009, 08:11 AM

My sister and I have never got along and we have always clashed. My recent issues with her is if there is any little issue (even if it don't involve her), she sends a 4-5 paragraph e-mail telling me everything I did wrong, how I should of acted, and she says it all in a very demeaning way. This bothers me cause, we are all grown, she is 3 years older but hasn't accomplished or been through very much more than I.

Basically, I pick my fights with her. The last episode was because my fiance and I took our kids on a 3 hour road trip for a small Christmas vacation, and I owed her money. So because she had a reason to be upset (I did owe her money), I addressed her concerns. Even when it came to that, she could of made her point without all the extra things that were said. In an e-mail, she went on and on about how the vacation was not needed our daughter wouldn't of cared either way, we should spend our money on other things, asking who's idea was the vacation was, we don't think or care about people that help us. All this and we owed her not even $200, I know she had a point and a reason to say something, but it did not take all that to get out the only point that really mattered. So that was a back to back back to back e-mail argument, which was so so unecessary.

Now the latest, My freaking birthday dinner with my family just this last Sunday. My daughter got in trouble for talking and not eating. My Mom makes it a big deal saying "she got in trouble because she was talking to me". My fiance and I inform my Mom that it wasn't her that got my daughter in trouble, of course as a dramafied person does, my Mother keeps commenting on it. So I am so ready to go at this point, forget a birthday dinner, I want peace. So we get through dinner and my fiance is taking the kids out to the car and I am saying by to everyone, and my Mom says to me "he didn't say by to me". I say "sorry, he was in a hurry" and get the out of there. Lo and behold, the next day (my actual birthday) my sister sends not just me but my fiance a loooooooooong e-mail about the incident. This is an argument i.e. drama that I decided not to give into this time. (I spoke to my Mom about the incident and made her feel better, that's all that was really needed.) So because I am not feeling her drama this week, I didn't even read the e-mail I just kinda scammed through it and seen some of her crazy comments, like it is your god given right to blah, blah. My fiance read it and was somewhat upset, he said it is all about "him and what he did wrong". She has blown this situation way up. It's not this deep at all, my Mom likes my fiance so there is no beef to clear up. My sister is in the wrong, and when she addresses me with her bs, sometimes I take up for myself but then other times its not worth the 3 days of e-mail argument. I don't want to put in the time and effort (who wants to be in a an argument for days over petty stuff?). I will if it is important.

My fiance is not used to this from her as I am, so he is approaching it in a defensive manner, saying I should respond, which I don't blame him. But if he does its going to explode. He said he only plans on sending one line, and comment on how she treats my Mom. Basically, he is going to say in different words, take a look at yourself, lead by example then. As far as that goes, my Mom is often upset or bothered by some way my sister talks to her, and treats her.

I am so tierd of my sister and her drama. You know how a rule of life is to get people out of your life that bring drama or problems, well she is one of them. At the same time she would do anything for me, very giving and nice. She is my sister I do have a bond with her, and becase of that I am forced to deal with drama and controversy whenever she feels the need to bring it on. I am going to just have to keep distance even more, I wish we wouldn't of had that dinner. What to do?

**yellowpiXi3** · 02-10-2009, 05:38 PM

i am sorry you are put in a situation that you don't really need to be in. my older sister is that way as well. she will criticize me given a chance to. it sucks. but you HAVE to be the bigger person in this. and try other ways to see her perspective and for her to DEFINITELY see yours. if i were you, the next time she writes me a long email complaining about stuff, i would just say. "being angry and complaining all the time gives you wrinkles." or something along those lines. but jokingly. she knows she gets to you because of your reaction. so don't react.

good luck
<3

**torn2pieces** · 02-11-2009, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yellowpiXi3

i am sorry you are put in a situation that you don't really need to be in. my older sister is that way as well. she will criticize me given a chance to. it sucks. but you HAVE to be the bigger person in this. and try other ways to see her perspective and for her to DEFINITELY see yours. if i were you, the next time she writes me a long email complaining about stuff, i would just say. "being angry and complaining all the time gives you wrinkles." or something along those lines. but jokingly. she knows she gets to you because of your reaction. so don't react.

good luck
<3

Thanks for the advice

scarlet starburst · 03-17-2009, 08:51 PM

Maybe you could mark their email address so the emails are all sent to the junk folder? Seriously I would just delete them as they arrive, and if anyone asks tell them you no longer have time to waste on long winded y and critical emails. Second I would pay her the money, and do all you can to make sure you never have to borrow again.

02-10-2009, 08:11 AM	#1
torn2pieces VIP Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Kansas City, MO Posts: 62	A controversial sister My sister and I have never got along and we have always clashed. My recent issues with her is if there is any little issue (even if it don't involve her), she sends a 4-5 paragraph e-mail telling me everything I did wrong, how I should of acted, and she says it all in a very demeaning way. This bothers me cause, we are all grown, she is 3 years older but hasn't accomplished or been through very much more than I. Basically, I pick my fights with her. The last episode was because my fiance and I took our kids on a 3 hour road trip for a small Christmas vacation, and I owed her money. So because she had a reason to be upset (I did owe her money), I addressed her concerns. Even when it came to that, she could of made her point without all the extra things that were said. In an e-mail, she went on and on about how the vacation was not needed our daughter wouldn't of cared either way, we should spend our money on other things, asking who's idea was the vacation was, we don't think or care about people that help us. All this and we owed her not even $200, I know she had a point and a reason to say something, but it did not take all that to get out the only point that really mattered. So that was a back to back back to back e-mail argument, which was so so unecessary. Now the latest, My freaking birthday dinner with my family just this last Sunday. My daughter got in trouble for talking and not eating. My Mom makes it a big deal saying "she got in trouble because she was talking to me". My fiance and I inform my Mom that it wasn't her that got my daughter in trouble, of course as a dramafied person does, my Mother keeps commenting on it. So I am so ready to go at this point, forget a birthday dinner, I want peace. So we get through dinner and my fiance is taking the kids out to the car and I am saying by to everyone, and my Mom says to me "he didn't say by to me". I say "sorry, he was in a hurry" and get the out of there. Lo and behold, the next day (my actual birthday) my sister sends not just me but my fiance a loooooooooong e-mail about the incident. This is an argument i.e. drama that I decided not to give into this time. (I spoke to my Mom about the incident and made her feel better, that's all that was really needed.) So because I am not feeling her drama this week, I didn't even read the e-mail I just kinda scammed through it and seen some of her crazy comments, like it is your god given right to blah, blah. My fiance read it and was somewhat upset, he said it is all about "him and what he did wrong". She has blown this situation way up. It's not this deep at all, my Mom likes my fiance so there is no beef to clear up. My sister is in the wrong, and when she addresses me with her bs, sometimes I take up for myself but then other times its not worth the 3 days of e-mail argument. I don't want to put in the time and effort (who wants to be in a an argument for days over petty stuff?). I will if it is important. My fiance is not used to this from her as I am, so he is approaching it in a defensive manner, saying I should respond, which I don't blame him. But if he does its going to explode. He said he only plans on sending one line, and comment on how she treats my Mom. Basically, he is going to say in different words, take a look at yourself, lead by example then. As far as that goes, my Mom is often upset or bothered by some way my sister talks to her, and treats her. I am so tierd of my sister and her drama. You know how a rule of life is to get people out of your life that bring drama or problems, well she is one of them. At the same time she would do anything for me, very giving and nice. She is my sister I do have a bond with her, and becase of that I am forced to deal with drama and controversy whenever she feels the need to bring it on. I am going to just have to keep distance even more, I wish we wouldn't of had that dinner. What to do?

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02-10-2009, 05:38 PM	#2
yellowpiXi3 Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: californication Posts: 290 Blog Entries: 8	i am sorry you are put in a situation that you don't really need to be in. my older sister is that way as well. she will criticize me given a chance to. it sucks. but you HAVE to be the bigger person in this. and try other ways to see her perspective and for her to DEFINITELY see yours. if i were you, the next time she writes me a long email complaining about stuff, i would just say. "being angry and complaining all the time gives you wrinkles." or something along those lines. but jokingly. she knows she gets to you because of your reaction. so don't react. good luck <3

03-17-2009, 08:51 PM	#4
scarlet starburst Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 4	Maybe you could mark their email address so the emails are all sent to the junk folder? Seriously I would just delete them as they arrive, and if anyone asks tell them you no longer have time to waste on long winded y and critical emails. Second I would pay her the money, and do all you can to make sure you never have to borrow again.