ska

I have 4 kids in 5 years, 16 down to 11. My husband is very negative he is always pointing out the negative and what they do not do. he feels that they should do everything at 110 %. He is very bright academically and excelled in what he did.
I think he may have a depression problem. He is never happy, ther is always something better and he doesn't have it. he is affectionate to me and seems to want to be with me. but His "life " is not happy????
I am very happy, I love my kids and love my job. I think I am lazy sometimes, but I also think my husband has brain washed me that way. I raise dogs, and have the kids, so their is not alot of time to be lazy. I do not know what to do??? He is miserable and makes everyone miserable around him. My kids are decent students and nice kids. We are having some teenage issues wtih my daughter, but who isn't??
When I try to talk to him he says I grew up a rich kid and I am teaching my kids those morals. I did grow up wealthy, but my kids do a great deal of chores in comparison to others. It is often an off balance because my kids can not do things becasue they have too many chores. Ineed help

CHANDLERS WISH

Your husband, does he work? And, if so what does he do, and how many hours a day does he work.

It sounds to me that your husband does want your children to face "reality" of just how hard work is out in the big wide world.

You say you came from wealth, you sound very, down to earth, calm, peaceful with your life.

If your children have the same traits and are all still students, what have they said they want to be when they "grow up", have they?

Perhaps your husband is only concerned and obviously, with love of his children.

CW

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ska

He is a contractor and things are slow. so he is around alot.
I don't come from great wealth, my family was comfortable and we had alot of luxuries.
My husband is very driven. He is all one way with very little balance. Work 15 hour days or go away. which we have done. We camped with our kids all across the US 2 times.
yes he feels that all the chores and requirements are to prepare them for adult hood. and I have no problem with that.
The real problem is he is very critical if the kids do not something at what he thinks is 100%, If they forget a chore or don't finish he becomes upset and lets it ruin an entire evening for everyone. He feels it is because I do not "make" them follow through. Meantime I am managing the animals and the things I have asked them to do.
The end result is he makes statement Like. "my kids are just going to be losers" They are going to be LaZY and amount to nothing. He is harsh. He focuses on this and it takes days to move on.
He feels very restricted, He always wants to go camping or on a road trip, we can't just up and leave now. The kids, school, sports and of course the animals. and he doesn't want to pay anyone to do this.So he is redundant with his negative comments. and it wears on me.
He is also unpredictable, in that he walks in from work or anywhere and it is a guessing game as to the mood. The kids don't always read the mood and that sets him off.
I tell him he should go away a few times a year to clear his head and he will be a better father and spouse. he wants to go wtih me, but like you see that is difficult, especially if you are not willing to pay a care giver.????