Thread: MY Daughter doesn't want me

i read this posting with huge interest as it mimics areas of my life where i have struggled with the relationship with my children and recently having joined this site, and posted my own dilemma, this was the first i read as it was a thread pertaining to what i wanted to put
to some degree, whilst everyone is supportive and this appears to be what we need, to be validated, from others, i am hazarding a guess that perhaps the background is akin to my story, where it may have a thread of abuse running through it
if you dont mind me adding, it has taken me a long time, and maybe you never do accomplish it all of the time, but coming from an abusive childhood, to the extent i now have a personality disorder, and then into an abusive relationship, which to some extent also included my children and others, this is arising from not always being able to cope or challenge the flow of this disruptive element, at the time, then it is easy to slip into ways that are negative and harmful
we all evolve at the same time, picking up from others and whilst others have reiterated to kez, that it is time and support her daughter needs, when you are coming from a background such as abuse, or neglect, it is terribly destructive and you need so badly to be validated, without realising that you are smothering intentionally, as the need to be included and incorporated, hence perhaps the gifts and offers .... are made
i say this with all sincerity as i have done the same in the past. now i realise that its time and support, and affirmations, which i managed when the children were small and i was included, but i soon fell into this negative alternate pattern when i was excluded and wanted to pass on my own experience as a positive
i have now come to the conclusion that we cant really counsel anyone, not even those we love, we all have to be tolerant of others and unless you (yourself/anyone) are in the same place, as the other person, its not as easy and even when you have bought up your children through difficult periods, as i am also hazarding a guess from with Kez again, when you are bombarded, its harder to stop ! actions, others, or bad whatever from happening, just in order to survive
i also bought my children thro extremely difficult issues and then i became the vilified one, whilst the father was protected and shielded and this took a long time to adjust to as i wanted to badly to "set the record straight" and whilst i didnt, it meant the children no longer wanted to "go over old ground" again, which i can understand, but i also cant help but feel that in my case, the father got away with appalling bad behaviour, judgement, neglect even, to come out almost whiter than white and the children accepted this behaviour, possibly as they had little other choice
the children too were going thro at the same time, the avalanche of emotional states, and in my experience, its the easiest option that wins out, not necessarily the truth or the right option
hope i havent spoilt the thread and kez, i hope that you understood what i put