Family Chaos - Not sure what to do? HELP...

Seeker · 05-12-2009, 05:55 AM

My brother in law 'J' whos married to my sister 'C' was drinking with my step sister 'A' and ended up sleeping with her at a motel and now both of my sisters are pregnant. Our oldest sister 'D' gave sister 'A' a hiding and 'A' has decided to have a termination to keep the peace. This will all be taking place soon and as the youngest it pains me to see my sisters hating on eachother and I feel loyalty towards my sister 'C' and disgust towards sister 'A' and brother in law at the moment. I feel sorry for sister 'C' as she and her husband have 4 kids and now one on the way and she is shattered but wants to stay together for the kids sake? Any advice on how i can help her?

The letters are of their first initials to try to make it more understandable, hope its not to confusing....

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-12-2009, 06:11 AM

Oooh ahh, I guess Sister D, did the hard talk, probably better that step sister A doesn't have the child.

Hun, Sister C needs all the support she can have, does J, feel guilty or doesn't care?

The hard thing about all of this is 4 childen and now one on the way and that all of this is family.

I can't see this surviving longer than the date the child is born or shortly there after.

I appreciate that there are 4 kids, soon to be 5.. But staying for the sake of the kids? when he did what he did? Surely she has no love left after this? This was not cheating, persay, this was family, he gave absolutely no concern for her.

Why should she still cook, clean, feed this person, for the sake of her "family?".

You are family, D is family, there must be more, there must be Government support she can't cope with this, she will see visions on-going as well as the new born, child and knowing there was another, I think you need to give her options...

Are there options for her and her children within her "real family?"...

She is thinking "not clearly" she still feels love and thinks that it won't happen again, or a fear of not being able to survive with 5 kids on her own, understandabily so she is in denial, confused, not to mention hurt and in pain badly.

He did it with Family, not another woman. Family you think she can forgive and forget?

It won't damage her thoughts?

She needs to not be stressed whilst pregnant though so think, because some discussions need to happen "after she has the baby" not before.. but work together as a family to work out what you can do and what she can receive if she was without him... in the meantime... Don't stress her... she's going through enough...

Sorry for you as well and D... must be hard to take.

CW

**kms** · 05-13-2009, 11:35 PM

Wow do your parents know about any of this? I know personally I would try to keep that under wraps from mine... but if they did I can't imagine how much more chaotic and confusing things must be right now!

So... the first red flag that popped into my mind when reading this was why was your brother in law and step sister drinking together, alone? Seems a bit susicious to me, to be honest... and how did they get to the point of having sex - seems that there may have been previous sexual attraction...? Have they been flirtacious with one another previously? Did they spend time together before? I understand that when some people drink, they remember nothing and have little control over their actions. Yes then they should be more responsible and only drink around those that are 'safe' (like a spouse or a trusted friend who will stop them from doing something bad), or not drink around others at all... but nevertheless he did it and he may have had a huge lapse in judgment and ended up making a big mistake. I think whether your sister should forgive him or not depends on the context, like what the answers to the questions I asked initially are. If there seems to be something fishy going on between him and your stepsister already, I would say that is definitely cheating. If it was just a random event and he feels terrible and it was a huge mistake, ehh then that depends on the limits of your sister's forgiveness. Some people can forgive that; others can't.

I wonder how your stepsister feels about all of it. Is she being really open and genuine about the whole thing? I'm curious what her side of the story is regarding why they were drinking together and how it got to that point... how innocent is she really in all this...

**ThexMrs** · 06-06-2009, 09:38 PM

Wow... First of all I am sorry to see all of this going on. It's not your responsibility to do anything but be there for her. People make mistakes and though drinking is not an excuse to have sex with anyone (cheating) it did happen. I understand why you would be upset with your other sister and the husband but don't let this tear apart your family. It didn't happen to you, it happened to your sister. Keep the peace if you can. Maybe even be a moderator (if you want to be in this thing) and see if you can get them to talk. Sisters are forever... You can't escape that.

05-12-2009, 05:55 AM	#1
Seeker Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 8	Family Chaos - Not sure what to do? HELP... My brother in law 'J' whos married to my sister 'C' was drinking with my step sister 'A' and ended up sleeping with her at a motel and now both of my sisters are pregnant. Our oldest sister 'D' gave sister 'A' a hiding and 'A' has decided to have a termination to keep the peace. This will all be taking place soon and as the youngest it pains me to see my sisters hating on eachother and I feel loyalty towards my sister 'C' and disgust towards sister 'A' and brother in law at the moment. I feel sorry for sister 'C' as she and her husband have 4 kids and now one on the way and she is shattered but wants to stay together for the kids sake? Any advice on how i can help her? The letters are of their first initials to try to make it more understandable, hope its not to confusing....

05-12-2009, 06:11 AM	#2
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,924 Blog Entries: 7	Oooh ahh, I guess Sister D, did the hard talk, probably better that step sister A doesn't have the child. Hun, Sister C needs all the support she can have, does J, feel guilty or doesn't care? The hard thing about all of this is 4 childen and now one on the way and that all of this is family. I can't see this surviving longer than the date the child is born or shortly there after. I appreciate that there are 4 kids, soon to be 5.. But staying for the sake of the kids? when he did what he did? Surely she has no love left after this? This was not cheating, persay, this was family, he gave absolutely no concern for her. Why should she still cook, clean, feed this person, for the sake of her "family?". You are family, D is family, there must be more, there must be Government support she can't cope with this, she will see visions on-going as well as the new born, child and knowing there was another, I think you need to give her options... Are there options for her and her children within her "real family?"... She is thinking "not clearly" she still feels love and thinks that it won't happen again, or a fear of not being able to survive with 5 kids on her own, understandabily so she is in denial, confused, not to mention hurt and in pain badly. He did it with Family, not another woman. Family you think she can forgive and forget? It won't damage her thoughts? She needs to not be stressed whilst pregnant though so think, because some discussions need to happen "after she has the baby" not before.. but work together as a family to work out what you can do and what she can receive if she was without him... in the meantime... Don't stress her... she's going through enough... Sorry for you as well and D... must be hard to take. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

06-06-2009, 09:38 PM	#4
ThexMrs Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Oregon. Posts: 2,732 Blog Entries: 13	Wow... First of all I am sorry to see all of this going on. It's not your responsibility to do anything but be there for her. People make mistakes and though drinking is not an excuse to have sex with anyone (cheating) it did happen. I understand why you would be upset with your other sister and the husband but don't let this tear apart your family. It didn't happen to you, it happened to your sister. Keep the peace if you can. Maybe even be a moderator (if you want to be in this thing) and see if you can get them to talk. Sisters are forever... You can't escape that. __________________ "I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart, I am never without it, anywhere I go, you go, my dear, And whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling."

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05-13-2009, 11:35 PM	#3
kms Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Indiana Posts: 256	Wow do your parents know about any of this? I know personally I would try to keep that under wraps from mine... but if they did I can't imagine how much more chaotic and confusing things must be right now! So... the first red flag that popped into my mind when reading this was why was your brother in law and step sister drinking together, alone? Seems a bit susicious to me, to be honest... and how did they get to the point of having sex - seems that there may have been previous sexual attraction...? Have they been flirtacious with one another previously? Did they spend time together before? I understand that when some people drink, they remember nothing and have little control over their actions. Yes then they should be more responsible and only drink around those that are 'safe' (like a spouse or a trusted friend who will stop them from doing something bad), or not drink around others at all... but nevertheless he did it and he may have had a huge lapse in judgment and ended up making a big mistake. I think whether your sister should forgive him or not depends on the context, like what the answers to the questions I asked initially are. If there seems to be something fishy going on between him and your stepsister already, I would say that is definitely cheating. If it was just a random event and he feels terrible and it was a huge mistake, ehh then that depends on the limits of your sister's forgiveness. Some people can forgive that; others can't. I wonder how your stepsister feels about all of it. Is she being really open and genuine about the whole thing? I'm curious what her side of the story is regarding why they were drinking together and how it got to that point... how innocent is she really in all this...