I am breaking my daughters heart

tiredmom · 05-18-2009, 06:06 AM

I have a huge problem that I have put off dealing with, I have 2 grown daughters I don't think the younger one even knows about this, but I had a party one night and let my oldest (all over age of 21 )have a few of her friends over too, I was in a bad place at the time and I became so intoxicated that I did the worse thing I have ever done in my life and can not forget I came on to one of my daughters friends nothing happened but everyone knew and still after all these years I can not forget nor can my daughter, my daughter and I still have a relationship with eachother, however for the past year or so every time I see her something is said in reference to that horrible night, no matter how many times I apologize it will never be enough, I don't know how to make this better or if it ever can be. I am at the point of walking out of her life until she can forgive me. I feel like this is hurting her tooo much to have me in her life. backround I have raised both girls on my own since they were little, we have always had a great relationship outside of the normal child rearing woes. She is now a very successful intelligent beautiful woman that I am sooo proud of. but this is killing us please help us, I can not imagine my life without her however if being in her life hurts her this much , I would rather take a backseat for her happiness. Thanks for listening.

**WildChild** · 05-18-2009, 09:27 AM

Was it her BF? If not, what's the fuss? As long as you beat yourself up regularly you validate this as a continuing issue. Over 21 they are all legal. OK, so it wasn't the smartest, coolest, most sensible thing to do. We've all done something stupid at some time. If this is THE worst thing you have done in your life you are in pretty good shape. For crying out loud I know a woman who, accidentally backed over and killed a neighbor's child. She's lived with that for over 40 years. Coming on to some adult freind of your daughter's kind of pales in comparison, doesn't it?

What I'd be more concerned about is why neither of you can let go of this, have a laugh about the night Mom got drunk and made a fool of herself and move on?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-18-2009, 06:29 PM

Your beating yourself up..

You bought up two girls single handedly, probably lonely, and one night, you let her see the inner you, the one that has a naughty childlike side, we all have that in us.

You were drinking on top of that, not like you did it all the time, and embarrased her.

It's time to say " you know what, we really need to laugh at this now, enough... think yourself, how many times have you had too much to drink or your friends, and you or they have done something stupid?"..

It's life... "Do you really want to ruin our relationship.. I'm human love like everyone else"..

I think by saying sorry.. Your admitting something.

I don't see what you have to admit? Like WC has stated?

Geez, I still have a wild side to me that would love to come out lol what's the problem with being human?

Change your attitude as to what happened, stop feeling guilty and you will see the whole picture differently and hopefully allow her to see the same, where as for now all she sees is you feeling guilty and therefore her feeling it was wrong.

It was you being human and letting your hair down and enjoying yourself, that resulting in flirting as it does when single.

CW

**happy ending** · 05-18-2009, 10:15 PM

i think you are wayyyyyy too hard on yourself, you are human, making mistakes comes with the territory. how long can you beat yourself up for something that happened years ago. please be as kind to yourself as you are to your children. take care.

**Joy** · 05-18-2009, 10:20 PM

i think that if you have apologized for this a million times it is time to let go and move on from this incident. OH well it happened and no you are not proud of it but oh well like wildchild said worse things in life can happen.

I think you should forgive yourself and your daughter if she keeps bringing it up askher to drop it. I'm sure she embrassed you a time or two growing up and you loved her and got past it. It does neither of you any good to hold on to this as something major in life.

all the best

dunks22 · 05-18-2009, 10:43 PM

You are human and humans make mistake. You made a mistake once, but your daughter should forgive you and move on. You should stay in her life and try to work the problem out, no matter how hard that may be. Leaving your daughter life will not solve anything but make things worse.

tiredmom · 05-19-2009, 05:05 AM

Thank you so much everyone ,I appreciate your advice more than you will ever know. sometimes when things hurt us we can not see the right things.There is too much clouding it. thanks again you all have been very helpful good luck to all of you I wish and pray for only the very best for you.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-19-2009, 05:14 AM

If you read those posts, they are "all" the same.....

Are they not?

You sleep peacefully knowing that, you are ok, you did not harm and that somehow you will let her see this.

Please don't not let us know how you go, you never know, with each step we may be able to help you climb higher... to achieve an outcome.

Thanks for your kind words to the members.

CW

tiredmom · 05-20-2009, 08:54 AM

Update I picked my daughter up and we went for a long drive for a long needed talk.
Everything went well and long overdue. Thank you again everyone for helping me to heal a wound . Your kind words and wisdom will be forever remembered. Thanks again.

'The will of God will never
take you where the Grace of God will not protect you..

**sourpuss** · 05-20-2009, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WildChild

Was it her BF? If not, what's the fuss? As long as you beat yourself up regularly you validate this as a continuing issue. Over 21 they are all legal. OK, so it wasn't the smartest, coolest, most sensible thing to do. We've all done something stupid at some time. If this is THE worst thing you have done in your life you are in pretty good shape. For crying out loud I know a woman who, accidentally backed over and killed a neighbor's child. She's lived with that for over 40 years. Coming on to some adult freind of your daughter's kind of pales in comparison, doesn't it?

What I'd be more concerned about is why neither of you can let go of this, have a laugh about the night Mom got drunk and made a fool of herself and move on?

Couldn't have said it better myself!
The whole time I was reading her post I was thinking "What's the big deal? We all make mistakes and she's apologized!" "What's with her daughter that can't let it go!"

05-18-2009, 06:06 AM	#1
tiredmom Junior Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Michigan Posts: 4	I am breaking my daughters heart I have a huge problem that I have put off dealing with, I have 2 grown daughters I don't think the younger one even knows about this, but I had a party one night and let my oldest (all over age of 21 )have a few of her friends over too, I was in a bad place at the time and I became so intoxicated that I did the worse thing I have ever done in my life and can not forget I came on to one of my daughters friends nothing happened but everyone knew and still after all these years I can not forget nor can my daughter, my daughter and I still have a relationship with eachother, however for the past year or so every time I see her something is said in reference to that horrible night, no matter how many times I apologize it will never be enough, I don't know how to make this better or if it ever can be. I am at the point of walking out of her life until she can forgive me. I feel like this is hurting her tooo much to have me in her life. backround I have raised both girls on my own since they were little, we have always had a great relationship outside of the normal child rearing woes. She is now a very successful intelligent beautiful woman that I am sooo proud of. but this is killing us please help us, I can not imagine my life without her however if being in her life hurts her this much , I would rather take a backseat for her happiness. Thanks for listening.

05-18-2009, 06:29 PM	#3
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,930 Blog Entries: 7	Your beating yourself up.. You bought up two girls single handedly, probably lonely, and one night, you let her see the inner you, the one that has a naughty childlike side, we all have that in us. You were drinking on top of that, not like you did it all the time, and embarrased her. It's time to say " you know what, we really need to laugh at this now, enough... think yourself, how many times have you had too much to drink or your friends, and you or they have done something stupid?".. It's life... "Do you really want to ruin our relationship.. I'm human love like everyone else".. I think by saying sorry.. Your admitting something. I don't see what you have to admit? Like WC has stated? Geez, I still have a wild side to me that would love to come out lol what's the problem with being human? Change your attitude as to what happened, stop feeling guilty and you will see the whole picture differently and hopefully allow her to see the same, where as for now all she sees is you feeling guilty and therefore her feeling it was wrong. It was you being human and letting your hair down and enjoying yourself, that resulting in flirting as it does when single. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

05-19-2009, 05:14 AM	#8
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,930 Blog Entries: 7	If you read those posts, they are "all" the same..... Are they not? You sleep peacefully knowing that, you are ok, you did not harm and that somehow you will let her see this. Please don't not let us know how you go, you never know, with each step we may be able to help you climb higher... to achieve an outcome. Thanks for your kind words to the members. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

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05-18-2009, 09:27 AM	#2
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,230 Blog Entries: 5	Was it her BF? If not, what's the fuss? As long as you beat yourself up regularly you validate this as a continuing issue. Over 21 they are all legal. OK, so it wasn't the smartest, coolest, most sensible thing to do. We've all done something stupid at some time. If this is THE worst thing you have done in your life you are in pretty good shape. For crying out loud I know a woman who, accidentally backed over and killed a neighbor's child. She's lived with that for over 40 years. Coming on to some adult freind of your daughter's kind of pales in comparison, doesn't it? What I'd be more concerned about is why neither of you can let go of this, have a laugh about the night Mom got drunk and made a fool of herself and move on?

05-18-2009, 10:15 PM	#4
happy ending Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: western australia Posts: 655	i think you are wayyyyyy too hard on yourself, you are human, making mistakes comes with the territory. how long can you beat yourself up for something that happened years ago. please be as kind to yourself as you are to your children. take care.

05-18-2009, 10:20 PM	#5
Joy Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 625 Blog Entries: 5	i think that if you have apologized for this a million times it is time to let go and move on from this incident. OH well it happened and no you are not proud of it but oh well like wildchild said worse things in life can happen. I think you should forgive yourself and your daughter if she keeps bringing it up askher to drop it. I'm sure she embrassed you a time or two growing up and you loved her and got past it. It does neither of you any good to hold on to this as something major in life. all the best

05-18-2009, 10:43 PM	#6
dunks22 Junior Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Kingston, Jamaica Posts: 18	You are human and humans make mistake. You made a mistake once, but your daughter should forgive you and move on. You should stay in her life and try to work the problem out, no matter how hard that may be. Leaving your daughter life will not solve anything but make things worse.

05-19-2009, 05:05 AM	#7
tiredmom Junior Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Michigan Posts: 4	Thank you so much everyone ,I appreciate your advice more than you will ever know. sometimes when things hurt us we can not see the right things.There is too much clouding it. thanks again you all have been very helpful good luck to all of you I wish and pray for only the very best for you.

05-20-2009, 08:54 AM	#9
tiredmom Junior Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Michigan Posts: 4	Update I picked my daughter up and we went for a long drive for a long needed talk. Everything went well and long overdue. Thank you again everyone for helping me to heal a wound . Your kind words and wisdom will be forever remembered. Thanks again. 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you..