imported_andrea7677bird

I want to know how to handle a situation that could get out of hand. My sister inlaw who is 45, no cildren, not in a relationship and lives with my mother inlaw, she is a fantastic woman who I really love however she is lonly, my husband and I visit her and the mother inlaw twice a week, they are around the corner from our place, the sister inlaw also will visit us around twice a week. My issue is that i don't want to see her so often through the week. I feel really bad but I am starting to resent my partner for letting this happen. When my partner was single which was for 10 years she would come and go at her leisure because she can't stand to be at home and be around her mother who is 80 years old. I like her company but I feel like she should just find other people to see rather than us all the time or spend time with her mum. Any advice would be appreciated.. Thanks Andrea

AFemaleProdigy

I think that if you want to be helpful and sort of "wean" her off of your constant attention, then maybe you ought to try to get her out doing more things that she would enjoy. I know you want to spend less time, but maybe if you could get her out in an environment where she could make friends then she could move on. It may be hard for her to try new things on her own so maybe if you envited her to try things with you it could help in the long run. Maybe go out for some aerobics classes, yoga, or something healthy and mentally stimulating. If you can get her focused on other pleasant things, then she will turn less attention to you and your husband. Some people are just shy and need help going out and being social.

Just my thoughts. Don't know for sure if they would work or not, but I suppose it would be worth a try?? Good luck to you and let us know how it goes!

Jessica

imported_andrea7677bird

Jessica
She is not shy, she likes the company and since we have no children it's easy to just turn up whenever she likes, I like to stay home, I have plenty to do. She loves shopping, I don't like to do it as often, sports for her is not an option, I really don't know what to do with her, she is a real pest at times..
I love her heaps but she can get on my nerves. I really wish a boyfriend would come along, she is like a child, what are you doing? Where are you going? Why are you not home? It's like if we are not at home how come we did not invite here to come and do whatever it is we are doing. If we make a puchase or decide to go out for a show or dinner, why did we not tell her about it or invite her!! I can go on and on about how she makes me angry, I think you would get my drift by now!!
Andrea

imported_princess

Andrea...it sounds like you really like your sister-in-law, but you don't want to hurt her feelings by telling her not to come around ALL of the time. Everyone likes some alone time, expecially with their significant other! Jessica also gave you great advice, she may need to make more friends in order to give you more space. I think that you might want to sit her down and tell her the truth. It might be really hard, but it will be worth it! You could tell her that she is interfering a little. Or when you go out...tell her the truth..that you want some alone time or that you want to go out for a romantic dinner...I'm sure she will get the picture eventually. You could even hint for her to call before she comes over!!! You probably still want her to come over...just not as much. Just make sure you are subtle...so that she doesn't get offended!!!

imported_andrea7677bird

Princess,
a moment will come up, that's when I will make my move..
Thanks girls!!!
Andrea

imported_princess

Glad to help!!!

AFemaleProdigy

I think that a good plan of action if none others work, is to let your husband know how you feel and that you need time alone with him and space from her. Of course, in a gentle way, but honest. Make sure he knows where you are coming from so that both of you can then be honest with the sister. I agree that you may just have to tell her like it is even if she doesn't like it. She may get mad and if she does, just keep reassuring her that you still want her around, but that you need more space.

I know it's been a while since I responded. Any news with this situation? Hope all is well!

imported_andrea7677bird

I did not need to mention anything, my partner and I get up for work around 5am, one night while the sister inlaw was around I wanted to go to bed early, befor going to bed because the sister inlaw is really loud, I put my finger to my lips and said to both my partner and sister inlaw "quiet please i am going to bed", this was 10pm. At 11.15pm I got up out of bed and said to the sister inlaw if you must come over as often as you do then have respect when someone is in bed and shut up!! Now she only comes over once a week, add that to the two times we go to her place to se her and the mother inlaw, that is plenty...
Some people just push the boundry...
Andrea

imported_dcl143al

Yeah, you should be completely honest of your feeling the more you keep bottled up the worse it will become.

Will I wish my problem was something like that, I have a sister in law that thinks the world revolves around her. She has been this way before me and my husband even got married, I have tried to be nice and be a friend, but she has managed to ruin it with her tantrums. So, as a result I have taken myself out of the equation all together. I don't go around her or my mother-in law because if anything involving her daughter she has to put her two cents in. So, I don't go around or anything, but my whole thing is they don't even attempt to be around my daughter, she is only 6 months old and she doesn't know what is going on, and so, I don't think anyone has the right to be hateful in that aspect. But, don't get me wrong we do have people in our lives that are loving and loves my daughter unconditional, it is just my husband's family that are like that. I don't know what to do, if anything.
Signed confused.....