Thread: Help!...My soon to be stepdaughter has a huge attitude problem

My names jessica and my boyfriend has a soon to be 4 yr old daughter who is running everything.My bf and his daughter are currently living with his parents.He has joint custody with his x wife and everytime they get his daughter no matter how she acts she gets what she wants.When i First Met my bf he had full custody and she did NOT act the way she does.It was always yes mam no sir and please.When she moved into her mothers house she began hitting people.spitting on people.using language a 3 yr old shouldnt know about.She knows what sex is already and we cant shelter her from any of this and the courts will not do anything because its his word against his x wifes.I Know it isnt my place to say anything to her because im not her mother and it is definatly not my placeto punish her.but it is getting to the point i dont want to be around her when were in public because she will throw a huge fit and he will give in.my bf cant find the strength in him to tell her "No" or punish her for long periods of time.Its taking a toll on him and our relationship.and its very hard for me to talk to him about it.please help.she used to be the most loving kid ive ever met and now shes acting so ugly and shes not acting like the precious little girl she was.i love her with all my heart and just want my baby back.her mother really isnt in her life.im playing that role in some parts.please help me save her before she ends up going down the wrong path in life. shes been through so much already with her real moter on drugs and a divorce and watching her mom cheat on her dad..i just dont know what to do.

This is a child who should be rushed into a psychitrists office.

She is feeling insecure, threatened, unloved, etc. Usual
symptoms.

The Step-parent is the one who is the target.

What a friend of mine did was to ignore the child completely.
I remember we were in a store and he threw himself on the
floor and she went on, perfectly calmly selecting clothing
as if she didn't even know the child.

When another shopper spoke to her, in a very calm voice
she replied;, "Well, maybe he'll get stepped on," and went
on with a couldn't care less attitude.

The father of the child had to deal with the performances.
She'd walk off as if she didn't know her bf and the child.
And as far as she was concerned, it was not her problem.

Eventually the child stopped. He stopped because he
realised it was not effective. He didn't get attention.
If he was acting normal, he got attention.

She'd speak with him when he was normal and as soon
as he started the foolishness, she walked away.

Until he 'grew out of it', she never was alone with
that child. She made it very clear she would not
be responsible for that child.

On many occasions, she go out and leave him and
the father at home. The child is the father's
responsibility, it is his problem.

It is not your problem.
You never created the monster.

The danger of course, is if you have a child, then the
little monster might hurt the child so she couldn't live
with you.

You are fortunate in that his parents will take her on.
Let them keep her. They can be the stable force in
her life. Let her live with them, let him take her out
without you.

Staying out of the picture might be a way to calm her
down. Obviously there is a problem here of her sense
of security.

Once you are 'out of the picture', see if her behaviour
changes.