Brother in law is a theif!

**Kittie0251** · 06-29-2009, 09:34 PM

So my husbands mother and brother are living in our home and I really think I am going to lose it. So I will give you all a short version. My brother in law is 19 years old and stole things all the time, money, jewlery anything he could sell..He got put away for a year in jail and now hes been out for about 6 months. Things were going great but he quickly got into his old ways. I noticed today that my cam corder, camera and money was gone and I am furious. I dont want to live with locks on my bedroom door. I want to kick both him and his mother out of my house because she doesnt even think there is a problem with it, she just keeps saying that I misplaced my things. I dont no what to do..

**Joy** · 06-29-2009, 09:57 PM

Yeah my nephew was like this and stole jewllery, money and whatever from me and the same game was played... i was the stupid one that misplaced it. It is hard when the family makes excuses for him.

To kick them out would be hard on your relationship with your husband. Do you have another option? We locked everything up we had to if we wanted to keep it.

One day i got great satisfaction when they found one of my peices of jewllery on him and returned it to me. Again A lie was made up on where it was found but my neice told me the truth. Its a very frustration situation to have to put up with.

good luck

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-29-2009, 10:39 PM

I think she is in denial and doesn't want to believe that he hasn't changed her ways.

You can't have them live with you forever either you both have your own lives to lead.

Unfortunately, I agree with Joy, you don't have an option at this stage, he can't help himself he obviously is stealing for a reason, drugs or what ever and can't help himself.

Do you see them finding their own home in the near future?

What does your husband think you should do.

CW

**WildChild** · 06-29-2009, 10:43 PM

Make sure you have serial numbers and any other identifiers you can recorded in safe place where he can't get at them. Keep what you can locked up. Report any thefts to the police, otherwise you have no hope of recovering the items. Generally the stuff will end up on Craigslist or in a pawn shop. The Pawn Shops have to follow procedures for identification and such. If you find your stuff in one, quietly call the police. If you have filed a report and can ID the stuff you will get it back. Chances are whomever brought it in will be on tape and they will prosecute if they can ID them. Ask if you can help? He may be having a freind pawn the stuff. You may know who they are.

Since mom is part of the problem you aren't likely to get much support there. But if you can prove he's pawned the missing stuff, you have him dead to rights. Either prosecute or kick them out. I had a sister in law who did this very openly. She'd actually break into the house, get bags from the recycle bin and fill them with groceries. Anything she wanted she just took, Fortunately we didn't wear the same size but she was my ex's twin and would take some of his.

When it's the other half's family, it's difficult to get cooperation.

**Joy** · 06-29-2009, 11:14 PM

can you talk to his brother he is 19. Can you calmly take him aside and ask him why he is stealing from his family the ones that would always be there for him he is taking from them? If its drugs he can't help himself its the drugs and they mean more. It was so hard to watch my nephew go thru this it ruined his credability with us and with others we had to tell people that came into our home to watch their stuff. It was awful but you had too. His uncle my bf was always worried what would go next.

He went to a drug rehab for a while it has helped some but i still worry about the time it isn't just 20 bucks or a ring.

tell him how its not the material things its the trust and the relationship he has with you and his brother he is destroying. You let him live in your home and expect to be able to trust your family and who you are living with.

I know it really sucks to see your stuff gone but really that can be replaced but he is putting his whole family at risk of a big blow out and picking sides and really destroying peoples tolerance for one another. If your mom inlaw is taking a hard stance of his innocense and you watch your stuff go out the door day by day its agravating to bite your tongue and you will eventually lose it.

You can't keep this anger in it will eventually make your situation worse.

**Kittie0251** · 06-29-2009, 11:38 PM

Yes, he is only 19 but you cannot have a conversation with this guy for a minute without having him storm out..Ive tried numerous times even when I am calm, he just does not want to hear it...I have approached him and he just keeps saying he didnt take it, and he doesnt do it anymore and thats about as much as he would say...I was always the one that was an optimist saying that he will be ok, and he will change his ways but im starting to lose hope on this one...He is going to a therapist but that does not seem to be helping at all..Yeah kicking them out is not an option, my husband worries so much about his mother which is understandable...I am not the type of person to rant and rave about things, but i think enough is enough now..
As for my husband, He gets frustrated like anyone would, he always puts himself out there for whatever anyone needs...Its just one thing after another, and he is depressed and does not know what to do because its his family..This is causing a big strain on everyones relationship, and its making me hostile towards not only his brother but his in denial mother too..

06-29-2009, 09:34 PM	#1
Kittie0251 VIP Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 61	Brother in law is a theif! So my husbands mother and brother are living in our home and I really think I am going to lose it. So I will give you all a short version. My brother in law is 19 years old and stole things all the time, money, jewlery anything he could sell..He got put away for a year in jail and now hes been out for about 6 months. Things were going great but he quickly got into his old ways. I noticed today that my cam corder, camera and money was gone and I am furious. I dont want to live with locks on my bedroom door. I want to kick both him and his mother out of my house because she doesnt even think there is a problem with it, she just keeps saying that I misplaced my things. I dont no what to do..

06-29-2009, 10:39 PM	#3
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,910 Blog Entries: 7	I think she is in denial and doesn't want to believe that he hasn't changed her ways. You can't have them live with you forever either you both have your own lives to lead. Unfortunately, I agree with Joy, you don't have an option at this stage, he can't help himself he obviously is stealing for a reason, drugs or what ever and can't help himself. Do you see them finding their own home in the near future? What does your husband think you should do. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

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06-29-2009, 09:57 PM	#2
Joy Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 625 Blog Entries: 5	Yeah my nephew was like this and stole jewllery, money and whatever from me and the same game was played... i was the stupid one that misplaced it. It is hard when the family makes excuses for him. To kick them out would be hard on your relationship with your husband. Do you have another option? We locked everything up we had to if we wanted to keep it. One day i got great satisfaction when they found one of my peices of jewllery on him and returned it to me. Again A lie was made up on where it was found but my neice told me the truth. Its a very frustration situation to have to put up with. good luck

06-29-2009, 10:43 PM	#4
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,226 Blog Entries: 5	Make sure you have serial numbers and any other identifiers you can recorded in safe place where he can't get at them. Keep what you can locked up. Report any thefts to the police, otherwise you have no hope of recovering the items. Generally the stuff will end up on Craigslist or in a pawn shop. The Pawn Shops have to follow procedures for identification and such. If you find your stuff in one, quietly call the police. If you have filed a report and can ID the stuff you will get it back. Chances are whomever brought it in will be on tape and they will prosecute if they can ID them. Ask if you can help? He may be having a freind pawn the stuff. You may know who they are. Since mom is part of the problem you aren't likely to get much support there. But if you can prove he's pawned the missing stuff, you have him dead to rights. Either prosecute or kick them out. I had a sister in law who did this very openly. She'd actually break into the house, get bags from the recycle bin and fill them with groceries. Anything she wanted she just took, Fortunately we didn't wear the same size but she was my ex's twin and would take some of his. When it's the other half's family, it's difficult to get cooperation.

06-29-2009, 11:14 PM	#5
Joy Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 625 Blog Entries: 5	can you talk to his brother he is 19. Can you calmly take him aside and ask him why he is stealing from his family the ones that would always be there for him he is taking from them? If its drugs he can't help himself its the drugs and they mean more. It was so hard to watch my nephew go thru this it ruined his credability with us and with others we had to tell people that came into our home to watch their stuff. It was awful but you had too. His uncle my bf was always worried what would go next. He went to a drug rehab for a while it has helped some but i still worry about the time it isn't just 20 bucks or a ring. tell him how its not the material things its the trust and the relationship he has with you and his brother he is destroying. You let him live in your home and expect to be able to trust your family and who you are living with. I know it really sucks to see your stuff gone but really that can be replaced but he is putting his whole family at risk of a big blow out and picking sides and really destroying peoples tolerance for one another. If your mom inlaw is taking a hard stance of his innocense and you watch your stuff go out the door day by day its agravating to bite your tongue and you will eventually lose it. You can't keep this anger in it will eventually make your situation worse.

06-29-2009, 11:38 PM	#6
Kittie0251 VIP Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 61	Yes, he is only 19 but you cannot have a conversation with this guy for a minute without having him storm out..Ive tried numerous times even when I am calm, he just does not want to hear it...I have approached him and he just keeps saying he didnt take it, and he doesnt do it anymore and thats about as much as he would say...I was always the one that was an optimist saying that he will be ok, and he will change his ways but im starting to lose hope on this one...He is going to a therapist but that does not seem to be helping at all..Yeah kicking them out is not an option, my husband worries so much about his mother which is understandable...I am not the type of person to rant and rave about things, but i think enough is enough now.. As for my husband, He gets frustrated like anyone would, he always puts himself out there for whatever anyone needs...Its just one thing after another, and he is depressed and does not know what to do because its his family..This is causing a big strain on everyones relationship, and its making me hostile towards not only his brother but his in denial mother too..