Feel like Cinderella

Aqua · 06-30-2009, 03:24 PM

Hey everyone! I'm a twenty year old girl who has been dealing with family problems for many years. I'm an only child and my parents divorced when I was 3. When I was 6, my dad got remarried. Even then I could tell that my step mother didn't care for me. I was the "other child" that was getting in the way of her happy marriage with my dad. She tolerated me but also made it very clear I was not wanted. You can imagine the impact that had on a me as a child. When I was 10, my dad and step mom had a daughter who I love with all my heart. However, to this day I only see her maybe 5 times a year. My step mom thinks I'm a bad influence on her. All through my school years, I tried to please her and get her to notice me for doing something right. Around the time I turned 16, I just gave up trying to please her all together.

During middle school and high school I struggled with school phobia and anxiety. My step mother used it as an excuse to keep my sister away from me. Once it got better, they would use other excuses. I didn't have a job, I didn't have a license, etc...

I've tried talking with my dad but he just sort of shrugs it off and says he doesn't know what to do. As of now I'm a full-time University student who's made the deans list. I have a drivers license but still no job (can't find one no matter how many applications I put in). I don't smoke or do drugs, I'm even still a virgin for crying out loud. Apparently this still isn't good enough for her.

I'm open to any suggestions for how I can make this better. It's been going on for so long I've almost given up hope that it will ever change.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-30-2009, 04:49 PM

I'm sorry she is this way.

Don't use all that energy focusing on her.

You made the Dean's list, you have a license, you have your self worth, from here, you work out what "YOUR" goals are, what "YOU" want, and want to be and you get out there for "YOU" and make it happen.

One, day when you least expect it, she will say " I"m proud of you", when she does, all the anxiety of the years will pass, but at that time, you should turn around and say, "you always should have been, I'm the same person now as I have always been, but thank you"...

You will be able to walk with your head high.

Live for you "love".....

It will change as you get older and she gets wiser.

CW

**happy ending** · 06-30-2009, 10:45 PM

honey some people arent going to approve of you no matter what you do, i think its more about her and her problems than you, its sad you cant see your sister more but your step mother is a batch and you cant really do anything about that. its good to see you are doing so well, keep it for your sake, take care.

**yellowpiXi3** · 07-01-2009, 03:59 AM

it's not worth it. don't waste any more of your life trying to please her. its a way of controlling you. saying you're not "good enough" well.... F'm. SERIOUSLY, live for yourself.

You can't change her... but you can change you. And by the looks of things you're doing pretty well. Don't let her get the best of you. (she will probably be a znachi all her life)

My older sister is the same way. But she actually did treat me like "cinderella" I went to the kitchen got food for her. Took up the groceries all by myself. She said she couldn't do it because "she didn't feel good" but wtf. When I got a job which it was HER idea.... she took half my check every pay check and I haven't seen a dime since then. People like that are just straight up mean. They probably don't care that YOU are caring this much. they'll probably like that you're in misery over them. She developed my anxiety and depression over the years. It's because of her that I can't let people be close to me..I hardly trust anyone. I loved her, (as you probably do your stepmom) and what did she do? WALK ALL OVER ME.

Don't let this woman control how you act and think. Talk to your dad again. And if not; then I say talk to your mom and have her talk to your dad about it. But if you've tried EVERYTHING you can think of. I think at that point (which you'll know when) you'll accept it. I just hope for your sake you're not 30 something still trying gain her affection and have sacrificed your own happiness to do so.

**caterpillar79** · 07-02-2009, 08:56 PM

I feel for you. But here's a thought: You can never please everybody. So, don't waste your energy on that, instead, focus it on pleasing YOU! Are you content of your achievements, are you proud of them? sure you are... Keep on.

I had been that way, but it was within the family/clan as I would see it. Cousins and Aunts/Uncles look down on me like dirt. It bothered me for years, until I grew tired of it. It is sickening! I decided to do what I wanted to do, just enjoyed whatever I have and I was achieving a lot of my goals little by little...of course with a lot of help from above and from great wonderful people. Eventually, I felt like I am slowly getting their attention...but not yet fully - who cares...as long as I'm happy for who I am.

So, my advice, be happy and proud for who you are. You are your best friend.

**Joy** · 07-02-2009, 09:28 PM

The only persons approval you need is your own. Your Stepmom is the one who is still learning lessons the hard way in life. Life is gonna happen we can't control it good or bad but if we are always putting up barriers and obstacles its gets lonely in the end. You never got in the way of her perfect marriage with your dad SHE DID. With that attitude that you were the problem. Your dad loves you and if she knew what love was she would have loved and accepted you the moment she met you. You are a part of your dad.

my bf has a daughter and i love her because she is a part of him. She is beautiful.

Ya know what..... her disapproval has propelled you forward setting goals and acheiving them trying to get noticed. You've acheived the deans list congratulations!

Maybe one day she will admitt she was scared you would reject her first.

06-30-2009, 03:24 PM	#1
Aqua Junior Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 5	Feel like Cinderella Hey everyone! I'm a twenty year old girl who has been dealing with family problems for many years. I'm an only child and my parents divorced when I was 3. When I was 6, my dad got remarried. Even then I could tell that my step mother didn't care for me. I was the "other child" that was getting in the way of her happy marriage with my dad. She tolerated me but also made it very clear I was not wanted. You can imagine the impact that had on a me as a child. When I was 10, my dad and step mom had a daughter who I love with all my heart. However, to this day I only see her maybe 5 times a year. My step mom thinks I'm a bad influence on her. All through my school years, I tried to please her and get her to notice me for doing something right. Around the time I turned 16, I just gave up trying to please her all together. During middle school and high school I struggled with school phobia and anxiety. My step mother used it as an excuse to keep my sister away from me. Once it got better, they would use other excuses. I didn't have a job, I didn't have a license, etc... I've tried talking with my dad but he just sort of shrugs it off and says he doesn't know what to do. As of now I'm a full-time University student who's made the deans list. I have a drivers license but still no job (can't find one no matter how many applications I put in). I don't smoke or do drugs, I'm even still a virgin for crying out loud. Apparently this still isn't good enough for her. I'm open to any suggestions for how I can make this better. It's been going on for so long I've almost given up hope that it will ever change.

06-30-2009, 04:49 PM	#2
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,910 Blog Entries: 7	I'm sorry she is this way. Don't use all that energy focusing on her. You made the Dean's list, you have a license, you have your self worth, from here, you work out what "YOUR" goals are, what "YOU" want, and want to be and you get out there for "YOU" and make it happen. One, day when you least expect it, she will say " I"m proud of you", when she does, all the anxiety of the years will pass, but at that time, you should turn around and say, "you always should have been, I'm the same person now as I have always been, but thank you"... You will be able to walk with your head high. Live for you "love"..... It will change as you get older and she gets wiser. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

07-02-2009, 08:56 PM	#5
caterpillar79 Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: MidWest, USA Posts: 1,321 Blog Entries: 51	I feel for you. But here's a thought: You can never please everybody. So, don't waste your energy on that, instead, focus it on pleasing YOU! Are you content of your achievements, are you proud of them? sure you are... Keep on. I had been that way, but it was within the family/clan as I would see it. Cousins and Aunts/Uncles look down on me like dirt. It bothered me for years, until I grew tired of it. It is sickening! I decided to do what I wanted to do, just enjoyed whatever I have and I was achieving a lot of my goals little by little...of course with a lot of help from above and from great wonderful people. Eventually, I felt like I am slowly getting their attention...but not yet fully - who cares...as long as I'm happy for who I am. So, my advice, be happy and proud for who you are. You are your best friend. __________________ Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain.

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06-30-2009, 10:45 PM	#3
happy ending Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: western australia Posts: 655	honey some people arent going to approve of you no matter what you do, i think its more about her and her problems than you, its sad you cant see your sister more but your step mother is a batch and you cant really do anything about that. its good to see you are doing so well, keep it for your sake, take care.

07-01-2009, 03:59 AM	#4
yellowpiXi3 Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: californication Posts: 290 Blog Entries: 8	it's not worth it. don't waste any more of your life trying to please her. its a way of controlling you. saying you're not "good enough" well.... F'm. SERIOUSLY, live for yourself. You can't change her... but you can change you. And by the looks of things you're doing pretty well. Don't let her get the best of you. (she will probably be a znachi all her life) My older sister is the same way. But she actually did treat me like "cinderella" I went to the kitchen got food for her. Took up the groceries all by myself. She said she couldn't do it because "she didn't feel good" but wtf. When I got a job which it was HER idea.... she took half my check every pay check and I haven't seen a dime since then. People like that are just straight up mean. They probably don't care that YOU are caring this much. they'll probably like that you're in misery over them. She developed my anxiety and depression over the years. It's because of her that I can't let people be close to me..I hardly trust anyone. I loved her, (as you probably do your stepmom) and what did she do? WALK ALL OVER ME. Don't let this woman control how you act and think. Talk to your dad again. And if not; then I say talk to your mom and have her talk to your dad about it. But if you've tried EVERYTHING you can think of. I think at that point (which you'll know when) you'll accept it. I just hope for your sake you're not 30 something still trying gain her affection and have sacrificed your own happiness to do so.

07-02-2009, 09:28 PM	#6
Joy Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 625 Blog Entries: 5	The only persons approval you need is your own. Your Stepmom is the one who is still learning lessons the hard way in life. Life is gonna happen we can't control it good or bad but if we are always putting up barriers and obstacles its gets lonely in the end. You never got in the way of her perfect marriage with your dad SHE DID. With that attitude that you were the problem. Your dad loves you and if she knew what love was she would have loved and accepted you the moment she met you. You are a part of your dad. my bf has a daughter and i love her because she is a part of him. She is beautiful. Ya know what..... her disapproval has propelled you forward setting goals and acheiving them trying to get noticed. You've acheived the deans list congratulations! Maybe one day she will admitt she was scared you would reject her first.