Thread: Father left me but is there for his boys...

I'm in my 30's and for all these years I sort of ignored the fact that my father totally abandoned me.

When I was 3, he left my Mom and I for another (younger, more attractive, more sexually adventurous) woman.

When she became pregnant, he divorced my mom and married her. They now have 4 boys and have been married over 25 years.

It could be that my stepmother felt threatened of my Mother or that I looked like my Mother, but... I wasn't involved in their life. They rarely came and got me on their weekend to have me. When they did drive out, it was usually hours after they said they would arrive (I would sit out on the curb waiting)... and every time I came home after being there, I would come home in tears. I'd invite them to my graduation and birthday parties and they would rarely show up... they never wanted to be on my home turf.

One year, I participated in a public function and my name was mentioned... I was approached by a woman who knew my father's family very well. She said she had no idea he had a daughter, and that they didn't tell anyone that I existed. I was heartbroken.

For the most part, I stayed away from them and didn't ask for anything. Not a dime for college, a wedding... a shoulder to cry on... nothing. I would see them at a wedding or funeral but we never got together.

Being involved in myspace and facebook, I befriended my two oldest brothers. One conveyed that my father really did want me around and that I should give them a call and give it a "fresh start". Last year, before moving over 2000 miles away, I confronted my father and stepmother. I told them I had my mother's side of the story, but not theirs. I asked them why they didn't come see me or call. I got many excuses... they pointed the blame at my mother and then at me for not coming to them after I was 18. My stepmother went on an exhausting diatribe about how it was hard for her being 19 and married to a man with a "past". Her victim story was obnoxious, but I listened and tried to empathize with her, even though she wouldn't openly listen to what I had to say. After our lengthy re-hashing of the past 30 years, we agreed to "start over" and stay in touch. I was so hopeful and happy. The next day I received 9 voice messages in a row on my cell phone from my step mother. She claims I was attacking her and that I was just like my mother... she was crying and frantic and she must have been in a parking lot because the sound of traffic in the background was deafening... it was SO strange. I was SO hurt. Opening up this wound and approaching them was really rough for me and now they are blaming ME for something that happened when I was 3.

I've tried calling my dad on his birthday & when I came back into town... I got the cold shoulder. I think it's time I give up trying to get to know him... obviously he either doesn't want to get to know me or his wife is standing in the way.

Anybody else in this situation?

p.s...Watching the Jon & Kate plus 8 saga unfold lately has sort opened up these wounds, too. I can see the selfish, immature lust that Jon has for that 22 year old and it reminds me of my father... total disregard for his previous obligations. But, there is comfort in knowing that most of America is appalled by his actions. I hope that fathers everywhere might start realizing that a child NEEDS his/her father... we aren't disposable.