Nats

Sorry - I just need to vent.

How long does menopause last? I think my mom may be going through it, early stages at least, and its driving me crazy! Granted, my father isnt exactly the greatest but what can you do? We've been living with his craziness and bad attitude for over 25 years and yet she still lets it get to her so badly that she cant seem to see anything past it.

Last night, I seriously that about killing my dad - Im not going to front. I thought about it. Im sure I do love him on some level and would never do that 'cause of that (and b/c Im such a super wimp I could never deal with the consequences). Then I thought about running away...then I thought about suicide, but that again involves the wimp factor.

You know how sometimes things just build up in you and you put on this great front and everything is hunky dory and you tell people that so often and with such conviction that you believe it too...then, some stupid little teensy weensy thing happens, so inconsequential that any other day and you wouldn't have given it a second thought, and then BOOOM! You lose your temper, for the 11th time in 3 months, and yell and scream and release all your frustrations only to find yourself feeling stupid, weak and completely empty inside.

Thats me...I can go for days at a time telling myself that things are ok because for right now, in this moment, they are...Things arent great but they've been worse and hopefully I can deal with them as they come...But the little things start to build...and build...and build...still little things, but there are a lot of them...I start looking for solutions...money probs overwhelming? Change jobs, or get a part-timer...Dad problems? Be nice, cook him breakfast, chat a little and try to give him money for gas or something to shut him up for a bit...But then, IT happens...that one little teensy weensy thing again that just blows your bloody top...

My current issue is that, instead of letting it eat away, I've been trying to tell people around me little bits and pieces, just to keep myself sane...but it doesnt seem to help...they dont care, and I can understand cause its not their problem really...But the aftermath is that I feel like its still eating away at me...so then I lose my temper more often than not...I cant look at my dad or mom or whoever for days on end...Snide remarks, snippy comments, the silent treatment...I know they have stuff going on too so I should be more sensitive and understanding...I mean, there are way bigger problems in the world than mine...I need to get over this and concentrate on the positives right? be easy...be an adult...stop whining and worrying and thinking myself to death...but I feel like I cant...I just cant anymore...

Maybe Im losing my mind...or teetering on the cliff that will lead me to losing my mind...Anyone have any experience in life in a mental institution?

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The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

WildChild

Where did you learn this behavior? Do either or both your parents act this way. We learn our coping techniques either from the behavior we see or from what is tollerated. Do you have a journal? Writing can be a good way to explore your feelings and to release them. Having a good run or work out can really help too.

I'm venturing a guess that you are in your teens? Lots of changes and hormone adjustments going on with you and it's very possible that both your parents are going through some changes too, that can make things more than a little touchy. You might try making an extra effort to help out around the house without being asked. Do a few loads of laundry, the dishes, or clean a bathroom. Parents can get really overloaded and young people can make a lot of demands without realizing how much they are asking sometimes. You may be surprised how much difference show a little more responsibility and consideration can do. Give it a try?

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We can only learn to love by loving.

Iris Mudoch, British writer

Nats

Im actually 25...I'm the eldest of 3 girls and I'm of East Indian descent. This makes it pretty much a given that I always help cook, clean and keep things as neat and tidy as possible. My parents, if nothing else, could never complain that I dont pull my weight at home. I run all the errands at home, have two jobs and am responsible for my two little sisters.

Definitely definitely working out helps...but only so much.

__________________
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Nats

[QUOTE=WildChild;107061]Where did you learn this behavior? Do either or both your parents act this way. We learn our coping techniques either from the behavior we see or from what is tollerated. Do you have a journal? Writing can be a good way to explore your feelings and to release them. Having a good run or work out can really help too.

Not sure which behaviour you're referring to. I tried the journal thing...Didnt really help. Thanks for the suggestions though...I can totally see where you're coming from with them.

__________________
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch