Father??

rmed057 · 09-21-2009, 07:55 PM

Hello.. I am 20 years old and I have been searching for so long to talk to someone who might be feeling the same as I am. I have not heard from my father for about.. 14 years or less maybe?? I don't remember much but what I do remember was undescribable. At first when I was younger, it didn't bother me as much. I was strong... but as life goes on, I want my father so desperately.

My mother was never married to my father and is now married to another man, who they forced me to call dad from a very young age so I am struggling with that as well...

Maybe I'm not alone??
Thank you for listening and any feedback.
-R

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-26-2009, 07:16 PM

I think you have to ascertain what was "un-describable", people don't change sweet especially Adults, so once you know that part, is it worth then seeing the same thing again?

I gather you don't like your Step-Dad that much or is it that you just wanted a proper "blood family". There are pros and cons in seeking out a parent whom you haven't seen in years.

Your definately not alone.

Do you know his name? Do your relatives know if not? Would they help and if so, would they also allow you to ask further about him as a person before you make this decision to find him.

Just saying sometimes it can do more damage than good. So forewarned is not a bad thing to then weight up.

CW

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-26-2009, 07:20 PM

I also wanted to add, I read your other post just then about your Mother hitting you, yet you want her love so badly.

You know, we can't choose our parents but we can choose to love others and one day, someone beautiful will come into your life that will be yours to give love and to receive it.

This may be the reason you are also wanting to search for your Dad. The need for bi-ological love...

I hope you find it both ways sweet.

CW

Alexandra · 10-29-2009, 03:22 AM

My biological father left my mother and I before I was born. When I was younger it didn't bother me so much, just more confusion then anything. And then I felt what I would assume is a similar feeling to yours. I wanted to know who the guy was.

Well, I met him. It was a nightmare. I mean, it was so bad that I refused to believe I shared half my genes with the disgusting, goal-less, freeloading liar I was looking in the face. We stopped talking and have had minimal communication since.

That's not to say that all cases are like that. Some are not. But unless there was a custody problem that prevented him from calling, why hasn't he tried to contact you? Has he made any attempt to see you or be apart of your life? As sad as this may sound/seem, some men do not care about the children they sired, or do not have the capacity to take care of them. A lot of these "meeting" situations lead to a lot more heartache than the absence itself.

If you feel you should, call him and see what happens. Maybe it'll fill in a missing gap and improve your life. Just be warned that sometimes it can do the opposite of what you hoped. Be sure you have a support system (friends, family) to catch you if it's not what you expect.

I don't mean to be a pessimist, but I've just seen a lot of hurt young women who deserved a lot more from their father.

09-21-2009, 07:55 PM	#1
rmed057 Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 2	Father?? Hello.. I am 20 years old and I have been searching for so long to talk to someone who might be feeling the same as I am. I have not heard from my father for about.. 14 years or less maybe?? I don't remember much but what I do remember was undescribable. At first when I was younger, it didn't bother me as much. I was strong... but as life goes on, I want my father so desperately. My mother was never married to my father and is now married to another man, who they forced me to call dad from a very young age so I am struggling with that as well... Maybe I'm not alone?? Thank you for listening and any feedback. -R

09-26-2009, 07:16 PM	#2
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,910 Blog Entries: 7	I think you have to ascertain what was "un-describable", people don't change sweet especially Adults, so once you know that part, is it worth then seeing the same thing again? I gather you don't like your Step-Dad that much or is it that you just wanted a proper "blood family". There are pros and cons in seeking out a parent whom you haven't seen in years. Your definately not alone. Do you know his name? Do your relatives know if not? Would they help and if so, would they also allow you to ask further about him as a person before you make this decision to find him. Just saying sometimes it can do more damage than good. So forewarned is not a bad thing to then weight up. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

09-26-2009, 07:20 PM	#3
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,910 Blog Entries: 7	I also wanted to add, I read your other post just then about your Mother hitting you, yet you want her love so badly. You know, we can't choose our parents but we can choose to love others and one day, someone beautiful will come into your life that will be yours to give love and to receive it. This may be the reason you are also wanting to search for your Dad. The need for bi-ological love... I hope you find it both ways sweet. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

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10-29-2009, 03:22 AM	#4
Alexandra Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: San Diego, California Posts: 14	My biological father left my mother and I before I was born. When I was younger it didn't bother me so much, just more confusion then anything. And then I felt what I would assume is a similar feeling to yours. I wanted to know who the guy was. Well, I met him. It was a nightmare. I mean, it was so bad that I refused to believe I shared half my genes with the disgusting, goal-less, freeloading liar I was looking in the face. We stopped talking and have had minimal communication since. That's not to say that all cases are like that. Some are not. But unless there was a custody problem that prevented him from calling, why hasn't he tried to contact you? Has he made any attempt to see you or be apart of your life? As sad as this may sound/seem, some men do not care about the children they sired, or do not have the capacity to take care of them. A lot of these "meeting" situations lead to a lot more heartache than the absence itself. If you feel you should, call him and see what happens. Maybe it'll fill in a missing gap and improve your life. Just be warned that sometimes it can do the opposite of what you hoped. Be sure you have a support system (friends, family) to catch you if it's not what you expect. I don't mean to be a pessimist, but I've just seen a lot of hurt young women who deserved a lot more from their father.